Dr. Karl Pillemer

In the studies I did, we learned that what children really want is your time.

They really aren't interested in anything else you can give them.

They want time spent with you.

as does your partner.

One example of this that I talk about in the books is something I called the middle-age blur, but maybe be better called the activity blur.

People in their 30s to 50s, often people would say, I almost don't remember that time.

It was so filled with work and building a career and getting my education done and housing and then have kids thrown in.

It passed by like a nanosecond.

It occurred in this blur.

And people very often in that blur lose track of relationships.

And the odd thing is, or the ironic thing is, is that older people would tell me either directly or indirectly that they spent these enormous amounts of time pursuing happiness in other ways, and happiness was essentially already there if they had invested in these, you know, had acted in compassionate ways in rewarding relationships.

So I would say the one thing you're going to believe as an older person, there's no question that when you come to the end of your life,

you are going to value people and experiences over things.

I'll say again, and this is one of the things that's been quoted very heavily from the book, if you want data, so out of the 1,200 people for 30 Lessons for Living who we serve in,

Not one person, and it's going to sound a little absurd, but not one person, not a single person said, I wish I'd spent more time accumulating more things.

But not one person said, I really should have just tried to make more money.

Really, that's the thing I just did wrong.

If only I'd invested a lot more time trying to make more money so I could buy more stock.

Now, that does sound absurd when worded that way, but I deal with a lot of young people in my job, and that is a very present motivation for a lot of people.

No older person towards the end of their life is going to endorse that.