Dr. Laurie Santos

The biggest one is our perfectionism and our self-criticism.

The biggest one is our perfectionism and our self-criticism.

I think we have this mistaken, like, drill sergeant theory of our brains where, like, if I just scream at myself all the time and really push myself and enact these completely over-the-top standards, then I'll just do better in life, right?

I think we have this mistaken, like, drill sergeant theory of our brains where, like, if I just scream at myself all the time and really push myself and enact these completely over-the-top standards, then I'll just do better in life, right?

I think we know that that's not necessarily going to make us feel good, but I think we think it's going to make us perform better.

I think we know that that's not necessarily going to make us feel good, but I think we think it's going to make us perform better.

But research by folks like Kristen Neff and others have gone out and studied this, and they find, nope, lo and behold, doesn't make you perform better.

But research by folks like Kristen Neff and others have gone out and studied this, and they find, nope, lo and behold, doesn't make you perform better.

You actually procrastinate more.

You actually procrastinate more.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You're more likely to do worse because you're just feeling anxious in most settings because you're beating yourself up on the inside.

You're more likely to do worse because you're just feeling anxious in most settings because you're beating yourself up on the inside.

Turns out that pushing ourselves so hard that we have impossible standards is not really actually good for performance.

Turns out that pushing ourselves so hard that we have impossible standards is not really actually good for performance.

Much better strategy is one of self-compassion.

Much better strategy is one of self-compassion.

of being kind to yourself treating yourself like a friend and i think we don't like especially driven people don't like self-compassion because they confuse it with self-indulgence they think it's oh i'll just let myself off the hook but that's why defining self-compassion is treating yourself like you treat a friend

of being kind to yourself treating yourself like a friend and i think we don't like especially driven people don't like self-compassion because they confuse it with self-indulgence they think it's oh i'll just let myself off the hook but that's why defining self-compassion is treating yourself like you treat a friend