Dr. Lindsay C. Gibson

And the grief comes in when we realize what that did to us, what that did to the child we were, and how impossible it was for us to understand why this was happening other than to blame ourselves. And that understanding is poignant. It tugs at your heartstrings to realize that this little kid that you were was stuck in this situation.

And the grief comes in when we realize what that did to us, what that did to the child we were, and how impossible it was for us to understand why this was happening other than to blame ourselves. And that understanding is poignant. It tugs at your heartstrings to realize that this little kid that you were was stuck in this situation.

And the grief comes in when we realize what that did to us, what that did to the child we were, and how impossible it was for us to understand why this was happening other than to blame ourselves. And that understanding is poignant. It tugs at your heartstrings to realize that this little kid that you were was stuck in this situation.

None of us likes to feel that we're stuck or that we were out of control or that even that something bad happened to us. It's amazing to me that one of the predominant reactions to trauma is shame. It just seems to go with it. You don't have to have somebody even actively shaming you about it. It's almost as though if this bad thing happened to me, somehow that means something bad about who I am.

None of us likes to feel that we're stuck or that we were out of control or that even that something bad happened to us. It's amazing to me that one of the predominant reactions to trauma is shame. It just seems to go with it. You don't have to have somebody even actively shaming you about it. It's almost as though if this bad thing happened to me, somehow that means something bad about who I am.

None of us likes to feel that we're stuck or that we were out of control or that even that something bad happened to us. It's amazing to me that one of the predominant reactions to trauma is shame. It just seems to go with it. You don't have to have somebody even actively shaming you about it. It's almost as though if this bad thing happened to me, somehow that means something bad about who I am.

And don't ask me how or why that is, but it seems to be the human condition. So when you feel the grief about it, it's like... acknowledging the shame, the pain, that you got the short end of the stick, you didn't get what you need. All of those things in the unconscious psyche tend to equate with I didn't deserve it or something along those lines.

And don't ask me how or why that is, but it seems to be the human condition. So when you feel the grief about it, it's like... acknowledging the shame, the pain, that you got the short end of the stick, you didn't get what you need. All of those things in the unconscious psyche tend to equate with I didn't deserve it or something along those lines.

And don't ask me how or why that is, but it seems to be the human condition. So when you feel the grief about it, it's like... acknowledging the shame, the pain, that you got the short end of the stick, you didn't get what you need. All of those things in the unconscious psyche tend to equate with I didn't deserve it or something along those lines.

So it's often hard for us to get to the grief because we have to pass through the shame that had happened to us in the first place.

So it's often hard for us to get to the grief because we have to pass through the shame that had happened to us in the first place.

So it's often hard for us to get to the grief because we have to pass through the shame that had happened to us in the first place.

The drained part. Not the having a relationship part. Well, say more about that. I appreciate you saying that. Yeah, because I think they're tiring. And I think that they're often emotionally exhausting. So we have to realize that that's going to be their experience. And to not expect it to be any better than that.

The drained part. Not the having a relationship part. Well, say more about that. I appreciate you saying that. Yeah, because I think they're tiring. And I think that they're often emotionally exhausting. So we have to realize that that's going to be their experience. And to not expect it to be any better than that.

The drained part. Not the having a relationship part. Well, say more about that. I appreciate you saying that. Yeah, because I think they're tiring. And I think that they're often emotionally exhausting. So we have to realize that that's going to be their experience. And to not expect it to be any better than that.

So one of the things that we want to do in therapy, for instance, is we want to lower people's expectations. That sounds so depressing, but I agree. Yep.

So one of the things that we want to do in therapy, for instance, is we want to lower people's expectations. That sounds so depressing, but I agree. Yep.

So one of the things that we want to do in therapy, for instance, is we want to lower people's expectations. That sounds so depressing, but I agree. Yep.

Yes, and it also takes the onus off of you for being able to somehow change this reality. Mm-hmm. That you should be, you know, if you find the right communication style, if you find the right approach. But really what I encourage people to do is if you're going to have contact with the emotionally immature person, Try to go into it aware. Try to stay objective.

Yes, and it also takes the onus off of you for being able to somehow change this reality. Mm-hmm. That you should be, you know, if you find the right communication style, if you find the right approach. But really what I encourage people to do is if you're going to have contact with the emotionally immature person, Try to go into it aware. Try to stay objective.