Dr. Lindsay Gibson

They can't bear to be even mildly criticized. They don't have the emotional wherewithal to deal with that. And when you realize that, it's like, oh, this is not about my lack of skill or the fact that I get nervous around my parents. That's not the deal. And if I understand what's happening, I can change my behavior or I can change my responses because I understand what they're doing.

They can't bear to be even mildly criticized. They don't have the emotional wherewithal to deal with that. And when you realize that, it's like, oh, this is not about my lack of skill or the fact that I get nervous around my parents. That's not the deal. And if I understand what's happening, I can change my behavior or I can change my responses because I understand what they're doing.

Back to the Sopranos. I mean, those guys were like masters of this. You complain to them about something, and the next thing you know, they're telling you that you're a crybaby victim, and they didn't do anything to you, and you're being unfair, et cetera, et cetera.

Back to the Sopranos. I mean, those guys were like masters of this. You complain to them about something, and the next thing you know, they're telling you that you're a crybaby victim, and they didn't do anything to you, and you're being unfair, et cetera, et cetera.

I can guarantee you I never said the smell test thing.

I can guarantee you I never said the smell test thing.

No, but it's good. Yeah, it has really not come up. I mean, if I heard emotionally mature behavior being talked about, I think I'm enough of a scientist that I would mention that to them or ask them to tell me in more detail what seemed emotionally immature to them about that. Because that would make me curious. Like, they're referring themselves for this, and yet I'm not seeing that.

No, but it's good. Yeah, it has really not come up. I mean, if I heard emotionally mature behavior being talked about, I think I'm enough of a scientist that I would mention that to them or ask them to tell me in more detail what seemed emotionally immature to them about that. Because that would make me curious. Like, they're referring themselves for this, and yet I'm not seeing that.

But that's never happened.

But that's never happened.

If they would only say, tell me what you mean by that. That could do it right there. It would be the curiosity and the caring about what their child was expressing. Like just imagining that that might be that other person's truth. Like if you had a friend that came to you and said, you know, you really hurt me. You wouldn't say, hurt you? What about me? You would probably say, what do you mean?

If they would only say, tell me what you mean by that. That could do it right there. It would be the curiosity and the caring about what their child was expressing. Like just imagining that that might be that other person's truth. Like if you had a friend that came to you and said, you know, you really hurt me. You wouldn't say, hurt you? What about me? You would probably say, what do you mean?

Or tell me what happened. You would be curious and you would want to know because... you have enough of a sense of self and enough confidence in your ability to deal with emotional issues that you could afford to ask that person to explain it to you because you'd have a little bit of hope that maybe you could work it out.

Or tell me what happened. You would be curious and you would want to know because... you have enough of a sense of self and enough confidence in your ability to deal with emotional issues that you could afford to ask that person to explain it to you because you'd have a little bit of hope that maybe you could work it out.

And emotionally immature people just shut the door on that because they know they don't handle emotional things very well. And their best defense is just to not get into it at all and to point the finger back at you. So anytime somebody...

And emotionally immature people just shut the door on that because they know they don't handle emotional things very well. And their best defense is just to not get into it at all and to point the finger back at you. So anytime somebody...

shows some capacity for self-reflection and a willingness to look at their part in things, you know, now you're out of the realm of emotional immaturity and you're back on track to have a more grown-up and emotionally real kind of relationship. But you've got to have that capacity for self-reflection, which most emotionally immature people really don't have. So if somebody...

shows some capacity for self-reflection and a willingness to look at their part in things, you know, now you're out of the realm of emotional immaturity and you're back on track to have a more grown-up and emotionally real kind of relationship. But you've got to have that capacity for self-reflection, which most emotionally immature people really don't have. So if somebody...

Yeah, that is something that... Well, from my standpoint, I start thinking about whether or not it's good for them to have contact with their parent when they start having physical or emotional problems directly associated with their contact with their parents. Say a woman who had very demanding, very egocentric, emotionally immature parents.

Yeah, that is something that... Well, from my standpoint, I start thinking about whether or not it's good for them to have contact with their parent when they start having physical or emotional problems directly associated with their contact with their parents. Say a woman who had very demanding, very egocentric, emotionally immature parents.