Dr. Lindsay Gibson

well, for various reasons, they don't feel like splitting up is really an emotional option for them.

So they have really... I love that term that you use, learned helplessness, because they have really...

learn to just kind of back off and give in to the helplessness, give in to the passivity, because they really can't see a good solution.

So if the passive parent had gotten to the point where they wanted to change or they wanted to do something to protect the child, I mean, that's when you do start to get into the, you know, land of divorce because they begin to take action, they begin to set limits, and they begin divorce proceedings, and then you get into custody battles and, you know, all that.

But

You know, it's if you have grown up with an emotionally immature parent yourself and now you are a passive person yourself up against a very often a very demanding, emotionally immature spouse.

It's really hard for you to suddenly muster the confidence and the ability to take a stand and do something to help the child.

You really are not prepared for it.

Well, aren't we all in that position of deciding how much contact we want with someone?

She's asking the question from the standpoint of sort of the status of the overall relationship.

I understand that.

But, you know, whether it's a friend or a spouse or kind of a buddy, we're always kind of having to decide whether we want to be with this person and spend time with them or not.

Absolutely.

I love that, the false binary, because lots of times emotionally immature people, because they're such rigid black and white thinkers and they don't see complexity, they don't see the gray areas, they don't like ambiguities or nuance, they want everything to be, you know.

So it's like, if you love me, you will see me every week or you will see me every month or, you know, whatever the...

number is that is meaningful to them as proof of love.

So the child, the adult child, could get sucked into agreeing with that.

Like, oh, yeah, you're right.

There is this international law that you have to see your parents every month or you don't love them.

I know that.