Dr. Lindsay Gibson

And they expected her to, you know, come at the drop of a hat, help them out, do something for them, attend something. I mean, they were as needy as her own children and also entitled. So she was exhausted.

And they expected her to, you know, come at the drop of a hat, help them out, do something for them, attend something. I mean, they were as needy as her own children and also entitled. So she was exhausted.

Because when they pulled her into these interactions or things they wanted her to do for them, there was no exchange of energy like, she does it, they're grateful, she feels good about doing a good deed. Not at all. It's like, she didn't do it well enough. They need more. And she's a bad person because she's trying to set a boundary. And so it's...

Because when they pulled her into these interactions or things they wanted her to do for them, there was no exchange of energy like, she does it, they're grateful, she feels good about doing a good deed. Not at all. It's like, she didn't do it well enough. They need more. And she's a bad person because she's trying to set a boundary. And so it's...

always exhausting, it's always frustrating, and you never feel like you're doing enough. This woman that I'm thinking about, she was developing stress-related physical symptoms. It was like, okay, let's talk about the effect on your health. So, then you may bring up to the person, do you want to keep visiting them? Do you want to keep going over there?

always exhausting, it's always frustrating, and you never feel like you're doing enough. This woman that I'm thinking about, she was developing stress-related physical symptoms. It was like, okay, let's talk about the effect on your health. So, then you may bring up to the person, do you want to keep visiting them? Do you want to keep going over there?

And lots of times, that's the first time that thought's ever crossed their mind.

And lots of times, that's the first time that thought's ever crossed their mind.

No, they really didn't. And so when they begin to get that idea, it begins to expose this whole arrangement that is implicit in the relationship, which is the parent gets to do whatever the heck they want, and that adult child is supposed to go along with it, or they're being a bad child. There's a moral obligation there.

No, they really didn't. And so when they begin to get that idea, it begins to expose this whole arrangement that is implicit in the relationship, which is the parent gets to do whatever the heck they want, and that adult child is supposed to go along with it, or they're being a bad child. There's a moral obligation there.

That is not only implied, but explicitly stated that if I have a need, you should be there because you're my kid. I'm trying to get them to feel the cost of it to them, which oftentimes they have completely tuned out because they don't want to be a bad person.

That is not only implied, but explicitly stated that if I have a need, you should be there because you're my kid. I'm trying to get them to feel the cost of it to them, which oftentimes they have completely tuned out because they don't want to be a bad person.

Big topic. I think the book's ongoing popularity has been due to the fact that it said something about the cultural stereotype that we've had about parents for eons. Yeah. that all parents love their children. All parents only want the best for their children. All parents put their children first. Children can depend on their parents to be there for them when no one else is.

Big topic. I think the book's ongoing popularity has been due to the fact that it said something about the cultural stereotype that we've had about parents for eons. Yeah. that all parents love their children. All parents only want the best for their children. All parents put their children first. Children can depend on their parents to be there for them when no one else is.

And I think people's actual experience many times with their parents, but with anybody in their life, is that these experiences stereotypes and these tropes don't match up with their emotional experience. And when there's, unfortunately, when there's a mismatch between a stereotype and what you're feeling inside,

And I think people's actual experience many times with their parents, but with anybody in their life, is that these experiences stereotypes and these tropes don't match up with their emotional experience. And when there's, unfortunately, when there's a mismatch between a stereotype and what you're feeling inside,

Our typical response is to feel like we're off, that there's something that we're missing, that we're not doing right. Because how could I be having this feeling toward my parent when I know that they only want the best for me? Or I know, quote unquote, they really love me and they end up blaming themselves.

Our typical response is to feel like we're off, that there's something that we're missing, that we're not doing right. Because how could I be having this feeling toward my parent when I know that they only want the best for me? Or I know, quote unquote, they really love me and they end up blaming themselves.

Absolutely, I think it's a danger. It's like, that is the problem with the categorizing part of our mind, period. Once we call something something, we think we know all about it.

Absolutely, I think it's a danger. It's like, that is the problem with the categorizing part of our mind, period. Once we call something something, we think we know all about it.