Dr. Lindsay Gibson

That's because it's using the part of the brain that tends to be convinced that once it gets a name for something, it knows all there is to know about it, and it has no interest whatsoever in going back and adjusting its beliefs. Okay? So that's a real danger with anything.

That's because it's using the part of the brain that tends to be convinced that once it gets a name for something, it knows all there is to know about it, and it has no interest whatsoever in going back and adjusting its beliefs. Okay? So that's a real danger with anything.

On the other hand, though, if you think about in medicine, sometimes when you reduce and isolate out the operative factors, the most important factors, it gives you a way to not only recognize it but to control it. and to do something about it, to name it, to respond differently to it.

On the other hand, though, if you think about in medicine, sometimes when you reduce and isolate out the operative factors, the most important factors, it gives you a way to not only recognize it but to control it. and to do something about it, to name it, to respond differently to it.

So it's a very valid point, David, but it is a point that is... You could say it about anything where you have an effective categorization that it oversimplifies and it leads to, you know, stereotyped or black-and-white conclusions that are not helpful.

So it's a very valid point, David, but it is a point that is... You could say it about anything where you have an effective categorization that it oversimplifies and it leads to, you know, stereotyped or black-and-white conclusions that are not helpful.

I've just tried to moderate that by helping people see more of the big picture about why these people became emotionally immature, what they're trying to do with that kind of behavior and then what you can do about it.

I've just tried to moderate that by helping people see more of the big picture about why these people became emotionally immature, what they're trying to do with that kind of behavior and then what you can do about it.

Yeah, for emotionally immature people, your compassion will be weaponized because their egocentrism makes them determined to be the innocent party, for them to be the victim, and for you to put aside your needs in order to meet theirs. That's the deal.

Yeah, for emotionally immature people, your compassion will be weaponized because their egocentrism makes them determined to be the innocent party, for them to be the victim, and for you to put aside your needs in order to meet theirs. That's the deal.

The emotionally immature person will always frame a situation that you are not being sympathetic enough, compassionate enough, seeing it from their point of view, being sensitive enough. So, when I'm working with people who've been raised by people like this, I am always very careful

The emotionally immature person will always frame a situation that you are not being sympathetic enough, compassionate enough, seeing it from their point of view, being sensitive enough. So, when I'm working with people who've been raised by people like this, I am always very careful

about pushing for any kind of compassion, forgiveness, any of those things that say, well, even though you have treated me badly, even though you have invalidated me and made me feel bad about myself, even though you have tried to control me and manipulate my emotions, I'm going to be empathic and feel for you. I don't think that's a moral high ground.

about pushing for any kind of compassion, forgiveness, any of those things that say, well, even though you have treated me badly, even though you have invalidated me and made me feel bad about myself, even though you have tried to control me and manipulate my emotions, I'm going to be empathic and feel for you. I don't think that's a moral high ground.

Now, I know that there was a period in sort of the psychotherapy world where I think it was mostly dealing with narcissists. This is years and years ago. You were kind of supposed to have compassion for what the narcissism was about, that it was a reaction to poor sense of self, tremendous shame.

Now, I know that there was a period in sort of the psychotherapy world where I think it was mostly dealing with narcissists. This is years and years ago. You were kind of supposed to have compassion for what the narcissism was about, that it was a reaction to poor sense of self, tremendous shame.

And if you could understand that, you could sort of reframe that to yourself so that you didn't get defensive and so you could manage them better. But my goodness, it's like, is that really what you want to be spending your energy on? So when somebody expects that we should have compassion for them,

And if you could understand that, you could sort of reframe that to yourself so that you didn't get defensive and so you could manage them better. But my goodness, it's like, is that really what you want to be spending your energy on? So when somebody expects that we should have compassion for them,

I don't support that with people because I think it's not good for them to continue to frame it that way. You don't have to hate and revile the person. I mean, I certainly agree with that. But I'm after neutrality. I mean, after getting along in the best way you can with a difficult person, if that's what you want to do.

I don't support that with people because I think it's not good for them to continue to frame it that way. You don't have to hate and revile the person. I mean, I certainly agree with that. But I'm after neutrality. I mean, after getting along in the best way you can with a difficult person, if that's what you want to do.