Dr. Martha Beck

See that pattern?

Because for a while you did things that hurt you and then you realized, no, the things that hurt me, I'm not going to do that. I'm going to do the things I like. When you bring another human being into it, when it's a romantic partnership, I think you still have the pattern of, I will do things that hurt me. I will abandon my sense of safety. I will go over my own experienced internal boundary.

Because for a while you did things that hurt you and then you realized, no, the things that hurt me, I'm not going to do that. I'm going to do the things I like. When you bring another human being into it, when it's a romantic partnership, I think you still have the pattern of, I will do things that hurt me. I will abandon my sense of safety. I will go over my own experienced internal boundary.

Because for a while you did things that hurt you and then you realized, no, the things that hurt me, I'm not going to do that. I'm going to do the things I like. When you bring another human being into it, when it's a romantic partnership, I think you still have the pattern of, I will do things that hurt me. I will abandon my sense of safety. I will go over my own experienced internal boundary.

And you just haven't, you've done it in other areas of your life, but this is, yeah, this is a big one for you where you just haven't applied the same wisdom you've learned in other areas. And I would guess that it's because you don't feel that that's loving to the other person. If you decide you're not going to kill animals at your job, the people at your lab aren't going to be heartbroken.

And you just haven't, you've done it in other areas of your life, but this is, yeah, this is a big one for you where you just haven't applied the same wisdom you've learned in other areas. And I would guess that it's because you don't feel that that's loving to the other person. If you decide you're not going to kill animals at your job, the people at your lab aren't going to be heartbroken.

And you just haven't, you've done it in other areas of your life, but this is, yeah, this is a big one for you where you just haven't applied the same wisdom you've learned in other areas. And I would guess that it's because you don't feel that that's loving to the other person. If you decide you're not going to kill animals at your job, the people at your lab aren't going to be heartbroken.

But if you decide you don't want to live a certain kind of life with another person, that person's heart could get broken. Or at least they could feel that way. They could genuinely feel pain. So I think maybe that's why it's a cutout thing, because changing your job doesn't hurt someone, but changing your relationship pattern somebody could get hurt.

But if you decide you don't want to live a certain kind of life with another person, that person's heart could get broken. Or at least they could feel that way. They could genuinely feel pain. So I think maybe that's why it's a cutout thing, because changing your job doesn't hurt someone, but changing your relationship pattern somebody could get hurt.

But if you decide you don't want to live a certain kind of life with another person, that person's heart could get broken. Or at least they could feel that way. They could genuinely feel pain. So I think maybe that's why it's a cutout thing, because changing your job doesn't hurt someone, but changing your relationship pattern somebody could get hurt.

And if you don't change your pattern, someone will also get hurt.

And if you don't change your pattern, someone will also get hurt.

And if you don't change your pattern, someone will also get hurt.

So there are different ways of reframing it. And one example, since you know a lot about addiction, if somebody is addicted to you pleasing them, you're pleasing them and going out of your integrity to please them, to give them whatever they want that pleases them. Your addiction as a codependent is giving them that emotional energy, whatever gets them high.

So there are different ways of reframing it. And one example, since you know a lot about addiction, if somebody is addicted to you pleasing them, you're pleasing them and going out of your integrity to please them, to give them whatever they want that pleases them. Your addiction as a codependent is giving them that emotional energy, whatever gets them high.

So there are different ways of reframing it. And one example, since you know a lot about addiction, if somebody is addicted to you pleasing them, you're pleasing them and going out of your integrity to please them, to give them whatever they want that pleases them. Your addiction as a codependent is giving them that emotional energy, whatever gets them high.

And their absorption of that energy and the imbalance that results, it's as if they are getting high on you. And An alcoholic, if you take away the bottle of booze, will tell you, you are hurting me. This is the worst thing you could ever do to me. You have no idea how much I'm suffering. And the thing you have to do in an intervention is, no, it's the alcohol that's doing the hurting.

And their absorption of that energy and the imbalance that results, it's as if they are getting high on you. And An alcoholic, if you take away the bottle of booze, will tell you, you are hurting me. This is the worst thing you could ever do to me. You have no idea how much I'm suffering. And the thing you have to do in an intervention is, no, it's the alcohol that's doing the hurting.

And their absorption of that energy and the imbalance that results, it's as if they are getting high on you. And An alcoholic, if you take away the bottle of booze, will tell you, you are hurting me. This is the worst thing you could ever do to me. You have no idea how much I'm suffering. And the thing you have to do in an intervention is, no, it's the alcohol that's doing the hurting.

You know, it's the overgiving. It's allowing someone to consume your energy and to get high on it. That is an addiction. I will not let you do it. I will separate from you person to person if you continue in your addictive pattern. Doesn't mean that we won't be together in the great self and that we're all one self and we can all love each other forever.