Dr. Martha Beck

Yes. Yeah.

Well, it sort of exploded into my mind. They're called intrusive flashbacks. I'd had a lot of symptoms of PTSD my whole life without knowing it. But my oldest child got to be the age I was when the abuse started occurring, five years old. And she looked just like me at that age. And it... Every time I looked at her, I would just have these incredibly violent... It's not like a memory.

Well, it sort of exploded into my mind. They're called intrusive flashbacks. I'd had a lot of symptoms of PTSD my whole life without knowing it. But my oldest child got to be the age I was when the abuse started occurring, five years old. And she looked just like me at that age. And it... Every time I looked at her, I would just have these incredibly violent... It's not like a memory.

It's like it's happening. It's like you're completely overwhelmed by it for a period of time. And it was extraordinarily hard. I'm not going to lie. It was bad. And I called my mother, and she said, well, yes, that's what happened. I was like... What? You agree with me? And she said, why shouldn't I? I know him better than you. And I said, okay, so like, what do I do?

It's like it's happening. It's like you're completely overwhelmed by it for a period of time. And it was extraordinarily hard. I'm not going to lie. It was bad. And I called my mother, and she said, well, yes, that's what happened. I was like... What? You agree with me? And she said, why shouldn't I? I know him better than you. And I said, okay, so like, what do I do?

And she said, well, obviously you have to protect the church.

And she said, well, obviously you have to protect the church.

Well, she called me and said, what's going on? Why are you not visiting us? And I said, all right, I had taken a vow not to lie. So I told her the truth, expecting her to go into a rage or something. And she said, well, yeah, that's how it is.

Well, she called me and said, what's going on? Why are you not visiting us? And I said, all right, I had taken a vow not to lie. So I told her the truth, expecting her to go into a rage or something. And she said, well, yeah, that's how it is.

Yeah, I believe you. That's that sounds right. That tracks.

Yeah, I believe you. That's that sounds right. That tracks.

She said, I know him better than you do. And I said, I don't remember. This was 30 years ago. But I said, he's really, he's not an honest man. And she said, no, he's not honest. And then she said, you better come and make him a cake. Which is true. It's weird, frankly, to say, yes, I believe you were raped by your father at the age of five.

She said, I know him better than you do. And I said, I don't remember. This was 30 years ago. But I said, he's really, he's not an honest man. And she said, no, he's not honest. And then she said, you better come and make him a cake. Which is true. It's weird, frankly, to say, yes, I believe you were raped by your father at the age of five.

And by the way, the surgery I was in when I had the light experience was surgery to correct some of the scar tissue left by the abuse. It had ripped internally, and I was bleeding internally. And they just found all this scar tissue where it probably shouldn't have been. And so for a mother to say, oh, yeah, I completely believe that's true.

And by the way, the surgery I was in when I had the light experience was surgery to correct some of the scar tissue left by the abuse. It had ripped internally, and I was bleeding internally. And they just found all this scar tissue where it probably shouldn't have been. And so for a mother to say, oh, yeah, I completely believe that's true.

And what I think you should do about it is to make your perpetrator a cake kind of sums up the way I was raised. And I just I tried. I made the cake. I went down. I served the cake. And then I just couldn't go back. I just couldn't.

And what I think you should do about it is to make your perpetrator a cake kind of sums up the way I was raised. And I just I tried. I made the cake. I went down. I served the cake. And then I just couldn't go back. I just couldn't.

I did. Yeah. Um, I confronted him at first and then years later, 10 years later or so when he was 90, 91, I was born when he was 52. And, um, I wanted to meet with him after I'd forgiven him to tell him that I'd forgiven him so that he would not have to carry that because he was a very, very miserable, strange, disassociated human being, like really, really weird.

I did. Yeah. Um, I confronted him at first and then years later, 10 years later or so when he was 90, 91, I was born when he was 52. And, um, I wanted to meet with him after I'd forgiven him to tell him that I'd forgiven him so that he would not have to carry that because he was a very, very miserable, strange, disassociated human being, like really, really weird.

He was brilliant, but very, very broken. And I think he had to choose between his entire sense of reality and his religion, and he chose the religion himself. And he chose the job of talking other people into believing the religion. And I think it just completely broke him. And that plus he was in World War II and saw a lot of action there. I forgive him.