Dr. Martha Beck

He was brilliant, but very, very broken. And I think he had to choose between his entire sense of reality and his religion, and he chose the religion himself. And he chose the job of talking other people into believing the religion. And I think it just completely broke him. And that plus he was in World War II and saw a lot of action there. I forgive him.

By the way, anyone listening to this, you do not have to forgive your perpetrator. Find a way to be in your own truth, in your own integrity. You will heal. You will be happier. Then you will notice that there is no more anything to forgive. You're done.

By the way, anyone listening to this, you do not have to forgive your perpetrator. Find a way to be in your own truth, in your own integrity. You will heal. You will be happier. Then you will notice that there is no more anything to forgive. You're done.

No. He's very strange about it, though. He didn't say, I never did that. He said, oh, but that was the evil one, meaning the devil. And that was my family's story was that I'd been sexually assaulted by the devil as a child. And that's why I had scars and so on. And so he said, yeah, that was the evil one. I think meaning the devil, but maybe he meant part of him that was evil.

No. He's very strange about it, though. He didn't say, I never did that. He said, oh, but that was the evil one, meaning the devil. And that was my family's story was that I'd been sexually assaulted by the devil as a child. And that's why I had scars and so on. And so he said, yeah, that was the evil one. I think meaning the devil, but maybe he meant part of him that was evil.

He never really talked to me. My whole life, we never had like conversations. He would switch languages. He would literally physically run away from me. It was very, very strange. Yeah. It wasn't a normal childhood or adulthood.

He never really talked to me. My whole life, we never had like conversations. He would switch languages. He would literally physically run away from me. It was very, very strange. Yeah. It wasn't a normal childhood or adulthood.

Oh, she totally retracted it, yeah. I mean, she had to live with him. And she couldn't very well, like... agree with me in his presence. So when I asked her, I met with both of them in my therapist's office, and I said, why did you tell me that you agreed with me and that it made sense to you? And she said, oh, I just assumed you were joking, which was like, nah, that, no.

Oh, she totally retracted it, yeah. I mean, she had to live with him. And she couldn't very well, like... agree with me in his presence. So when I asked her, I met with both of them in my therapist's office, and I said, why did you tell me that you agreed with me and that it made sense to you? And she said, oh, I just assumed you were joking, which was like, nah, that, no.

No, she never did. I never saw her again. But actually, I have to say, as a child, if I had to choose one of my parents to be around, it would have been my father because my mother was just a big ball of misery and rage. And I never once remember feeling safe around her. Why?

No, she never did. I never saw her again. But actually, I have to say, as a child, if I had to choose one of my parents to be around, it would have been my father because my mother was just a big ball of misery and rage. And I never once remember feeling safe around her. Why?

I had the distinct impression she hated me. Really? Yeah, because Mormons believe that children choose to be born to specific parents. And she had had five children and one stillbirth, and her body was over it, and she was done, and she was sick and depressed and miserable. And then she had three more children. I was seventh of the eight surviving children.

I had the distinct impression she hated me. Really? Yeah, because Mormons believe that children choose to be born to specific parents. And she had had five children and one stillbirth, and her body was over it, and she was done, and she was sick and depressed and miserable. And then she had three more children. I was seventh of the eight surviving children.

And the last four of us, she was really angry that we had forced ourselves upon her. She did not want us. And she was angry because we had been born.

And the last four of us, she was really angry that we had forced ourselves upon her. She did not want us. And she was angry because we had been born.

Yeah, like all the time. I had a weird privilege of watching her funeral on, what do they call it, closed circuit TV during the pandemic or just after. One of my sisters had gotten back in touch with me after 30 years of no contact. And It was the strangest thing because I was going to go do something that day, and then I thought, no, I've got to go lie down in bed, which I don't do.

Yeah, like all the time. I had a weird privilege of watching her funeral on, what do they call it, closed circuit TV during the pandemic or just after. One of my sisters had gotten back in touch with me after 30 years of no contact. And It was the strangest thing because I was going to go do something that day, and then I thought, no, I've got to go lie down in bed, which I don't do.

And then I've got to watch TV, which I never do during the day. And then I got a text from my sister saying, our mom's funeral is on TV right now. at this link. So I sat there and I watched it and it was quite validating. One of my brothers got up and started out by saying, if you came here expecting to hear stories of motherly love, you are at the wrong funeral.

And then I've got to watch TV, which I never do during the day. And then I got a text from my sister saying, our mom's funeral is on TV right now. at this link. So I sat there and I watched it and it was quite validating. One of my brothers got up and started out by saying, if you came here expecting to hear stories of motherly love, you are at the wrong funeral.

Yeah, and my siblings said things like, it's so much that she was depressed. It was kind of like depression is who she was. It was, I feel tremendous sadness for my mother, tremendous compassion and empathy to the point, I mean, heartbroken.