Dr. Martha Beck

But in Asia, they have this concept of don't know mind, where the mind is wide open and not clenched around anything. And then you can experience a sort of, it's the humility of surrendering your primacy, the primacy of human intelligence, to something so much bigger. And still being human and having that be a good thing, but just not mistaking it for godhood.

You ask yourself, is it kind? Is it true? Is it necessary? So you don't say every little thing that crosses your mind, and you don't do it in ways that are unkind. But yes, you may feel that, you know, I felt I had to formally leave Mormonism, which to my entire community of childhood and young adulthood was the sin worse than murder. I was going to outer darkness.

You ask yourself, is it kind? Is it true? Is it necessary? So you don't say every little thing that crosses your mind, and you don't do it in ways that are unkind. But yes, you may feel that, you know, I felt I had to formally leave Mormonism, which to my entire community of childhood and young adulthood was the sin worse than murder. I was going to outer darkness.

I used to walk down the street once I'd done this and people would physically turn their backs. Friends, right? But I had to. So that was a place where, yes, there was a huge consequence. And there will be. I sort of position it as your true nature versus culture. And by culture, I mean anything from a couple's culture to a family culture, to a religious, to an ethnic, national, whatever.

I used to walk down the street once I'd done this and people would physically turn their backs. Friends, right? But I had to. So that was a place where, yes, there was a huge consequence. And there will be. I sort of position it as your true nature versus culture. And by culture, I mean anything from a couple's culture to a family culture, to a religious, to an ethnic, national, whatever.

If you serve your true nature, there will come a time when you become countercultural. You do something that is not what your parents approved of, or it's not what your religion taught.

If you serve your true nature, there will come a time when you become countercultural. You do something that is not what your parents approved of, or it's not what your religion taught.

Yeah, the absence of all suffering, psychological suffering.

Yeah, the absence of all suffering, psychological suffering.

Yeah, it's caused by innocently believing lies you were taught by one of two forces, right? socialization or trauma. Trauma tells you, oh my God, everything's dangerous all the time, and it gets lodged in the brain. And socialization says things like, you're not good enough, you should try harder, that was a bad choice, you've got to please your mother, all kinds of things. We all have them.

Yeah, it's caused by innocently believing lies you were taught by one of two forces, right? socialization or trauma. Trauma tells you, oh my God, everything's dangerous all the time, and it gets lodged in the brain. And socialization says things like, you're not good enough, you should try harder, that was a bad choice, you've got to please your mother, all kinds of things. We all have them.

And if you want to please your mother and you have that, it's great. If your true nature and your culture go together, there's no conflict. Like, I loved school. My true nature fit that culture. But then my oldest child, who's brilliant, it did not fit that child's culture. And yet I forced my kid to go through school. And we've talked about it a lot since. I wish I hadn't done that. I was young.

And if you want to please your mother and you have that, it's great. If your true nature and your culture go together, there's no conflict. Like, I loved school. My true nature fit that culture. But then my oldest child, who's brilliant, it did not fit that child's culture. And yet I forced my kid to go through school. And we've talked about it a lot since. I wish I hadn't done that. I was young.

I had my kids young. And I forced my child to conform with a culture that went against her true nature. And it caused a lot of suffering.

I had my kids young. And I forced my child to conform with a culture that went against her true nature. And it caused a lot of suffering.

I was really, really kind of, I was deeply sad after the last American election. Deeply sad, but never afraid anymore. Not anxious. And even, you know, the grieving process. When you lose someone, you're going to grieve deeply. And that's a sequence of, you know, denial, anger, bargaining, sadness. There's kind of a They put them in a list.

I was really, really kind of, I was deeply sad after the last American election. Deeply sad, but never afraid anymore. Not anxious. And even, you know, the grieving process. When you lose someone, you're going to grieve deeply. And that's a sequence of, you know, denial, anger, bargaining, sadness. There's kind of a They put them in a list.

Elizabeth Kubler-Ross put them in a list of things you experience when you lose someone or you're going to die. It's actually more like being in a cement mixer. It just all happens at once. But I actually wouldn't count that as suffering. It is a process. A Peruvian shaman once told me, compassion is the evolution of consciousness in the healing of trauma.

Elizabeth Kubler-Ross put them in a list of things you experience when you lose someone or you're going to die. It's actually more like being in a cement mixer. It just all happens at once. But I actually wouldn't count that as suffering. It is a process. A Peruvian shaman once told me, compassion is the evolution of consciousness in the healing of trauma.

And the healing of trauma is the grieving process. So if you're grieving, I would sit with you and I would bring you, you know, warm drinks and put a blanket around you and I would cry with you and feel with you and love you. But that's not the same to me as psychological suffering, which is that anguished feeling of I just don't want to be here. This is bad.