Dr. Mary-Frances O'Connor

When there is loss, when that attachment figure is missing and deceased, it is something our brain, our body, our mind is going to react to intensely. And without some way of understanding what is that supposed to look like and how do I manage this, we are adrift.

When there is loss, when that attachment figure is missing and deceased, it is something our brain, our body, our mind is going to react to intensely. And without some way of understanding what is that supposed to look like and how do I manage this, we are adrift.

When there is loss, when that attachment figure is missing and deceased, it is something our brain, our body, our mind is going to react to intensely. And without some way of understanding what is that supposed to look like and how do I manage this, we are adrift.

And what it means – so John Bowlby, who really developed this theory of attachment, right, when he was looking at infants and colleagues of his were looking at animals, right, you see these – invisible tethers, right? You think of, you know, think about the polar bear with the little baby polar bears, right, coming along behind. You always see the following. The following, those invisible tethers,

And what it means – so John Bowlby, who really developed this theory of attachment, right, when he was looking at infants and colleagues of his were looking at animals, right, you see these – invisible tethers, right? You think of, you know, think about the polar bear with the little baby polar bears, right, coming along behind. You always see the following. The following, those invisible tethers,

And what it means – so John Bowlby, who really developed this theory of attachment, right, when he was looking at infants and colleagues of his were looking at animals, right, you see these – invisible tethers, right? You think of, you know, think about the polar bear with the little baby polar bears, right, coming along behind. You always see the following. The following, those invisible tethers,

They're not invisible. They are in the brains of those attached animals and humans in the form of neurobiology of dopamine and oxytocin and cortisol and adrenaline and in specific brain regions with receptors. Those tethers are what are keeping us searching for mom or for baby or for spouse, right?

They're not invisible. They are in the brains of those attached animals and humans in the form of neurobiology of dopamine and oxytocin and cortisol and adrenaline and in specific brain regions with receptors. Those tethers are what are keeping us searching for mom or for baby or for spouse, right?

They're not invisible. They are in the brains of those attached animals and humans in the form of neurobiology of dopamine and oxytocin and cortisol and adrenaline and in specific brain regions with receptors. Those tethers are what are keeping us searching for mom or for baby or for spouse, right?

And so left to our own devices without any way of understanding this, all we know is we're having these intense emotions, reactions, behaviors, thoughts. And John Bowlby divided the types of reactions that we see into two. Protest. And despair.

And so left to our own devices without any way of understanding this, all we know is we're having these intense emotions, reactions, behaviors, thoughts. And John Bowlby divided the types of reactions that we see into two. Protest. And despair.

And so left to our own devices without any way of understanding this, all we know is we're having these intense emotions, reactions, behaviors, thoughts. And John Bowlby divided the types of reactions that we see into two. Protest. And despair.

Now, protest is the, you know, so let's say you're in the grocery store and you look down and your toddler is not next to you and you think, oh, no, they're gone. And you can even hear the embodiment of that, right? I am primed with every hormone and neurochemical to search for that child, right? You can feel that in your body. That is protest. Oh, no? They're gone?

Now, protest is the, you know, so let's say you're in the grocery store and you look down and your toddler is not next to you and you think, oh, no, they're gone. And you can even hear the embodiment of that, right? I am primed with every hormone and neurochemical to search for that child, right? You can feel that in your body. That is protest. Oh, no? They're gone?

Now, protest is the, you know, so let's say you're in the grocery store and you look down and your toddler is not next to you and you think, oh, no, they're gone. And you can even hear the embodiment of that, right? I am primed with every hormone and neurochemical to search for that child, right? You can feel that in your body. That is protest. Oh, no? They're gone?

Despair, on the other hand, despair is sitting in the living room, And something arrives in the mail for your spouse. And you know they are never going to open it. And in that moment, you think, oh, no, they are gone. And the gravity of that, right? You can feel that in your body as well. The giving up, the withdrawal, just the lethargy of it, right? Yeah.

Despair, on the other hand, despair is sitting in the living room, And something arrives in the mail for your spouse. And you know they are never going to open it. And in that moment, you think, oh, no, they are gone. And the gravity of that, right? You can feel that in your body as well. The giving up, the withdrawal, just the lethargy of it, right? Yeah.

Despair, on the other hand, despair is sitting in the living room, And something arrives in the mail for your spouse. And you know they are never going to open it. And in that moment, you think, oh, no, they are gone. And the gravity of that, right? You can feel that in your body as well. The giving up, the withdrawal, just the lethargy of it, right? Yeah.

Now, notice that the information is the same. Oh, no, they're gone is something we have to learn. And one way we learn that is protesting and trying to prove that they're not gone. And. the acknowledgement, the accepting that they are gone. Now, we don't often think of despair as having a purpose, but what's interesting is in this moment, despair has the function of

Now, notice that the information is the same. Oh, no, they're gone is something we have to learn. And one way we learn that is protesting and trying to prove that they're not gone. And. the acknowledgement, the accepting that they are gone. Now, we don't often think of despair as having a purpose, but what's interesting is in this moment, despair has the function of