Dr. Mary-Frances O'Connor

So what's fascinating is people told us in any situation – I'm in the grocery store, I'm in a work meeting, I'm trying to fall asleep – I can use this tool now to help my body to get into a different state. And that helps my grief. Now, mindfulness training was effective, but not as effective as I said. And I think some of this is that we have, you know, grieving is a form of learning.

So what's fascinating is people told us in any situation – I'm in the grocery store, I'm in a work meeting, I'm trying to fall asleep – I can use this tool now to help my body to get into a different state. And that helps my grief. Now, mindfulness training was effective, but not as effective as I said. And I think some of this is that we have, you know, grieving is a form of learning.

I'm not kidding about that. Your brain is busy, right? while you are grieving. And it might not be the right time to take up a new practice that requires a lot of concentration. If you do mindfulness, it can be very helpful. Anyway, the upshot of all that is, on the one hand, it's not that we have to deal with emotions because they are an output.

I'm not kidding about that. Your brain is busy, right? while you are grieving. And it might not be the right time to take up a new practice that requires a lot of concentration. If you do mindfulness, it can be very helpful. Anyway, the upshot of all that is, on the one hand, it's not that we have to deal with emotions because they are an output.

I'm not kidding about that. Your brain is busy, right? while you are grieving. And it might not be the right time to take up a new practice that requires a lot of concentration. If you do mindfulness, it can be very helpful. Anyway, the upshot of all that is, on the one hand, it's not that we have to deal with emotions because they are an output.

We have to deal with our demands and our resources and developing a whole toolkit of ways to think about adapting in our life now. On the other hand, even specifically for waves of grief, having a toolkit of what to do with those emotions, I think you described it beautifully, Andrew, that we do have the capacity for suppression.

We have to deal with our demands and our resources and developing a whole toolkit of ways to think about adapting in our life now. On the other hand, even specifically for waves of grief, having a toolkit of what to do with those emotions, I think you described it beautifully, Andrew, that we do have the capacity for suppression.

We have to deal with our demands and our resources and developing a whole toolkit of ways to think about adapting in our life now. On the other hand, even specifically for waves of grief, having a toolkit of what to do with those emotions, I think you described it beautifully, Andrew, that we do have the capacity for suppression.

And if you are about to walk into a pitch meeting, suppression is probably the way to go in that moment where suddenly your deceased child has popped into your head and thinking, I am not going to think about this right now. I am completely going to pretend this has not happened and I'm going to do this pitch, right? But if it's your only strategy...

And if you are about to walk into a pitch meeting, suppression is probably the way to go in that moment where suddenly your deceased child has popped into your head and thinking, I am not going to think about this right now. I am completely going to pretend this has not happened and I'm going to do this pitch, right? But if it's your only strategy...

And if you are about to walk into a pitch meeting, suppression is probably the way to go in that moment where suddenly your deceased child has popped into your head and thinking, I am not going to think about this right now. I am completely going to pretend this has not happened and I'm going to do this pitch, right? But if it's your only strategy...

then you don't have the learning process going on, right? That at another moment, you might be looking through a photo album and just be overcome with tears, but over time realize, I can't stay in that puddle either. When I'm doing this, I need to, you know, if it was me, I need to text my sister and And tell her, you know, I'm looking at photos of mom and this is what I'm thinking about.

then you don't have the learning process going on, right? That at another moment, you might be looking through a photo album and just be overcome with tears, but over time realize, I can't stay in that puddle either. When I'm doing this, I need to, you know, if it was me, I need to text my sister and And tell her, you know, I'm looking at photos of mom and this is what I'm thinking about.

then you don't have the learning process going on, right? That at another moment, you might be looking through a photo album and just be overcome with tears, but over time realize, I can't stay in that puddle either. When I'm doing this, I need to, you know, if it was me, I need to text my sister and And tell her, you know, I'm looking at photos of mom and this is what I'm thinking about.

And she'll text me some funny story about mom or even just say, oh, man, I feel you. And if my sister isn't available, then I'll text my best friend, right? Because in that moment, it is important to have that puddle. It's also important to know how to get out of the puddle again. And so this is really a process of learning. How do I cope with these waves of grief?

And she'll text me some funny story about mom or even just say, oh, man, I feel you. And if my sister isn't available, then I'll text my best friend, right? Because in that moment, it is important to have that puddle. It's also important to know how to get out of the puddle again. And so this is really a process of learning. How do I cope with these waves of grief?

And she'll text me some funny story about mom or even just say, oh, man, I feel you. And if my sister isn't available, then I'll text my best friend, right? Because in that moment, it is important to have that puddle. It's also important to know how to get out of the puddle again. And so this is really a process of learning. How do I cope with these waves of grief?

It's like being a basketball player. One possession after another after another. How am I going to get through this possession? Each possession looks different. How am I going to get through this possession with this constellation? What's the right skill to use right now?

It's like being a basketball player. One possession after another after another. How am I going to get through this possession? Each possession looks different. How am I going to get through this possession with this constellation? What's the right skill to use right now?

It's like being a basketball player. One possession after another after another. How am I going to get through this possession? Each possession looks different. How am I going to get through this possession with this constellation? What's the right skill to use right now?