Dr. Mary-Frances O'Connor

She was an older woman. We did like a neuropsych evaluation and I did a clinical interview and so forth. And I said, I think the reality is you're just OK. And she said, OK, that's what I thought. But I can't tell any of my friends that I'm not sad because I'd be a pariah.

People think she's a sociopath. Instead, they had a wonderful relationship together. She knew that this was coming. She had a big, full life. And it was OK for her in that moment. So I think on the one hand, there's the social component about permission. It's going to look different for each person. And most importantly, it's going to look different than we think it will be.

People think she's a sociopath. Instead, they had a wonderful relationship together. She knew that this was coming. She had a big, full life. And it was OK for her in that moment. So I think on the one hand, there's the social component about permission. It's going to look different for each person. And most importantly, it's going to look different than we think it will be.

People think she's a sociopath. Instead, they had a wonderful relationship together. She knew that this was coming. She had a big, full life. And it was OK for her in that moment. So I think on the one hand, there's the social component about permission. It's going to look different for each person. And most importantly, it's going to look different than we think it will be.

We try to anticipate what grief is going to feel like. But because so much of attachment is below the level of consciousness, because our physiology is below the level of consciousness, it's not like we can know how we're going to react. So the natural response is just the reacting. And then grieving is, over time, the way we react starts to feel more familiar.

We try to anticipate what grief is going to feel like. But because so much of attachment is below the level of consciousness, because our physiology is below the level of consciousness, it's not like we can know how we're going to react. So the natural response is just the reacting. And then grieving is, over time, the way we react starts to feel more familiar.

We try to anticipate what grief is going to feel like. But because so much of attachment is below the level of consciousness, because our physiology is below the level of consciousness, it's not like we can know how we're going to react. So the natural response is just the reacting. And then grieving is, over time, the way we react starts to feel more familiar.

We start to develop better coping tools for the natural way we react. It's not that the grief goes away. It's that we come to understand it. We understand how to work with it. But the other piece is about permission, I think. Remember how I said you still have an ongoing internal relationship?

We start to develop better coping tools for the natural way we react. It's not that the grief goes away. It's that we come to understand it. We understand how to work with it. But the other piece is about permission, I think. Remember how I said you still have an ongoing internal relationship?

We start to develop better coping tools for the natural way we react. It's not that the grief goes away. It's that we come to understand it. We understand how to work with it. But the other piece is about permission, I think. Remember how I said you still have an ongoing internal relationship?

I think people feel guilt about having joy, doing things that are fun, falling in love, connecting with people, going on a vacation. Because at some level, there is a piece of them that believes my loved one is out there, is everlasting, and I'm choosing to do this instead of going to seek them out. I'm choosing to do this when they can't. And you can understand how that comes about, right?

I think people feel guilt about having joy, doing things that are fun, falling in love, connecting with people, going on a vacation. Because at some level, there is a piece of them that believes my loved one is out there, is everlasting, and I'm choosing to do this instead of going to seek them out. I'm choosing to do this when they can't. And you can understand how that comes about, right?

I think people feel guilt about having joy, doing things that are fun, falling in love, connecting with people, going on a vacation. Because at some level, there is a piece of them that believes my loved one is out there, is everlasting, and I'm choosing to do this instead of going to seek them out. I'm choosing to do this when they can't. And you can understand how that comes about, right?

You can understand this internal misgiving. But it's because of that everlasting encoding of this relationship. But it's not true. Your brain can believe it and it can be not true. And so working on that internal relationship to say, hey, I'm going to do these things because you can't. I'm going to do them through a body and eyes that were shaped by you so that you can come along with.

You can understand this internal misgiving. But it's because of that everlasting encoding of this relationship. But it's not true. Your brain can believe it and it can be not true. And so working on that internal relationship to say, hey, I'm going to do these things because you can't. I'm going to do them through a body and eyes that were shaped by you so that you can come along with.

You can understand this internal misgiving. But it's because of that everlasting encoding of this relationship. But it's not true. Your brain can believe it and it can be not true. And so working on that internal relationship to say, hey, I'm going to do these things because you can't. I'm going to do them through a body and eyes that were shaped by you so that you can come along with.

Or, I mean, every interpretation is going to work differently for each person. Or you can say, you valued this so much. so incredibly proud that I've written books, that I am a professor. Something that she couldn't do. And I often think to myself, this one's for you, mama, right?

Or, I mean, every interpretation is going to work differently for each person. Or you can say, you valued this so much. so incredibly proud that I've written books, that I am a professor. Something that she couldn't do. And I often think to myself, this one's for you, mama, right?

Or, I mean, every interpretation is going to work differently for each person. Or you can say, you valued this so much. so incredibly proud that I've written books, that I am a professor. Something that she couldn't do. And I often think to myself, this one's for you, mama, right?

And so that way of changing the internal relationship, remembering that your internal relationship can evolve with them and And similarly, if they were a less than loved one, which happens as well, it's okay to say, you know what? This chapter of my life is over. That was a tough chapter. And I'm going to wrap that up and put that in a box, and it's done now.