Dr. Mary-Frances O'Connor

So we do know, for example, having closure conversations with someone who's in hospice care. These are helpful, actually, after the loss because we can reflect on getting to say, I love you and thank you and I forgive you. Please forgive me to say goodbye. We know that having that conscious process is helpful later on as we're reflecting on the loss.

So we do know, for example, having closure conversations with someone who's in hospice care. These are helpful, actually, after the loss because we can reflect on getting to say, I love you and thank you and I forgive you. Please forgive me to say goodbye. We know that having that conscious process is helpful later on as we're reflecting on the loss.

But I will say that it doesn't necessarily change the attachment biology. So the attachment is an implicit belief. It is an everlasting belief. And so I think it is actively trying to prevent us from learning that they are gone. And so what you see is a person, this will happen in studies, I ask a participant, you know, tell me about Tell me about the death of your loved one.

But I will say that it doesn't necessarily change the attachment biology. So the attachment is an implicit belief. It is an everlasting belief. And so I think it is actively trying to prevent us from learning that they are gone. And so what you see is a person, this will happen in studies, I ask a participant, you know, tell me about Tell me about the death of your loved one.

But I will say that it doesn't necessarily change the attachment biology. So the attachment is an implicit belief. It is an everlasting belief. And so I think it is actively trying to prevent us from learning that they are gone. And so what you see is a person, this will happen in studies, I ask a participant, you know, tell me about Tell me about the death of your loved one.

And they'll tell me the story of how they were, you know, in palliative care and they had this terminal diagnosis and so forth. And then I'll say, was the death sudden? And they'll say, oh, absolutely. I had no idea. Because I think that the belief that they will always be there does not respond to logical thinking, you see?

And they'll tell me the story of how they were, you know, in palliative care and they had this terminal diagnosis and so forth. And then I'll say, was the death sudden? And they'll say, oh, absolutely. I had no idea. Because I think that the belief that they will always be there does not respond to logical thinking, you see?

And they'll tell me the story of how they were, you know, in palliative care and they had this terminal diagnosis and so forth. And then I'll say, was the death sudden? And they'll say, oh, absolutely. I had no idea. Because I think that the belief that they will always be there does not respond to logical thinking, you see?

And so you can still pick up the phone to text your loved one, even though you have known they were going to go, even though you know they've been gone, because there's a piece of your brain that is still operating under the belief, they don't have to be in my time and space forever. for them to exist.

And so you can still pick up the phone to text your loved one, even though you have known they were going to go, even though you know they've been gone, because there's a piece of your brain that is still operating under the belief, they don't have to be in my time and space forever. for them to exist.

And so you can still pick up the phone to text your loved one, even though you have known they were going to go, even though you know they've been gone, because there's a piece of your brain that is still operating under the belief, they don't have to be in my time and space forever. for them to exist.

And so I think in some ways the learning might actually be, how do I transform my understanding of this relationship now that they're not on this earthly plane? How do I understand where they are or how that makes sense? How can I have this continuing bond in my internal relationship with them? Right.

And so I think in some ways the learning might actually be, how do I transform my understanding of this relationship now that they're not on this earthly plane? How do I understand where they are or how that makes sense? How can I have this continuing bond in my internal relationship with them? Right.

And so I think in some ways the learning might actually be, how do I transform my understanding of this relationship now that they're not on this earthly plane? How do I understand where they are or how that makes sense? How can I have this continuing bond in my internal relationship with them? Right.

Maybe I still tell them about my day or maybe I, you know, like when I see things, I think, oh, my mom would love that. Right. I had this moment of connection internally with my mom because that internal relationship goes on. It is everlasting. At the same time that I know. Oh, she's not going to be at my wedding or she's not going to be at graduation, right? You can have both at the same time.

Maybe I still tell them about my day or maybe I, you know, like when I see things, I think, oh, my mom would love that. Right. I had this moment of connection internally with my mom because that internal relationship goes on. It is everlasting. At the same time that I know. Oh, she's not going to be at my wedding or she's not going to be at graduation, right? You can have both at the same time.

Maybe I still tell them about my day or maybe I, you know, like when I see things, I think, oh, my mom would love that. Right. I had this moment of connection internally with my mom because that internal relationship goes on. It is everlasting. At the same time that I know. Oh, she's not going to be at my wedding or she's not going to be at graduation, right? You can have both at the same time.

I think that's part of why grieving is so confusing and makes people feel like they're losing their mind.

I think that's part of why grieving is so confusing and makes people feel like they're losing their mind.

I think that's part of why grieving is so confusing and makes people feel like they're losing their mind.