Dr. Mary-Frances O'Connor

I think the question is askew in the sense that There is no letting go of the attachment part. There is transforming our understanding of what that means. So for most periods of history, periods of time, cultures, we have usually a social system, often a religion, set up to explain to us, where did they go? Are they okay now? Will I ever see them again?

I think the question is askew in the sense that There is no letting go of the attachment part. There is transforming our understanding of what that means. So for most periods of history, periods of time, cultures, we have usually a social system, often a religion, set up to explain to us, where did they go? Are they okay now? Will I ever see them again?

I think the question is askew in the sense that There is no letting go of the attachment part. There is transforming our understanding of what that means. So for most periods of history, periods of time, cultures, we have usually a social system, often a religion, set up to explain to us, where did they go? Are they okay now? Will I ever see them again?

Most of us, through most of history, have had a way to understand, ah, I can't see them now. I will see them eventually. Dia de los muertos. I will see them once a year. Right. Or they are in heaven now or they're in the pure lands or they're my ancestor. There is a relationship that I can have with them. I can ask them to, you know, speak on my behalf, so to speak. Right.

Most of us, through most of history, have had a way to understand, ah, I can't see them now. I will see them eventually. Dia de los muertos. I will see them once a year. Right. Or they are in heaven now or they're in the pure lands or they're my ancestor. There is a relationship that I can have with them. I can ask them to, you know, speak on my behalf, so to speak. Right.

Most of us, through most of history, have had a way to understand, ah, I can't see them now. I will see them eventually. Dia de los muertos. I will see them once a year. Right. Or they are in heaven now or they're in the pure lands or they're my ancestor. There is a relationship that I can have with them. I can ask them to, you know, speak on my behalf, so to speak. Right.

Intercessory prayers and Catholicism. So historically, we've had this way of understanding this internal relationship that is so real you could put it on film. It is really happening. And they are also not present. So when I think of what it means to adjust, and I don't think of it as recovery. I don't think of it as letting go. I think of it as integration.

Intercessory prayers and Catholicism. So historically, we've had this way of understanding this internal relationship that is so real you could put it on film. It is really happening. And they are also not present. So when I think of what it means to adjust, and I don't think of it as recovery. I don't think of it as letting go. I think of it as integration.

Intercessory prayers and Catholicism. So historically, we've had this way of understanding this internal relationship that is so real you could put it on film. It is really happening. And they are also not present. So when I think of what it means to adjust, and I don't think of it as recovery. I don't think of it as letting go. I think of it as integration.

When I think about those things, I think, what is my relationship? What is my internal relationship with this deceased person now? So my mother was diagnosed with stage four breast cancer when I was 13. And there were cancer cells in every lymph node they cut out of her. So they knew it had already migrated. And I think they told my dad that she would only live another year.

When I think about those things, I think, what is my relationship? What is my internal relationship with this deceased person now? So my mother was diagnosed with stage four breast cancer when I was 13. And there were cancer cells in every lymph node they cut out of her. So they knew it had already migrated. And I think they told my dad that she would only live another year.

When I think about those things, I think, what is my relationship? What is my internal relationship with this deceased person now? So my mother was diagnosed with stage four breast cancer when I was 13. And there were cancer cells in every lymph node they cut out of her. So they knew it had already migrated. And I think they told my dad that she would only live another year.

She actually, her oncologist called her his first miracle. She actually lived another 13 years, which is miraculous. But what it meant was we learned to live in this state of sort of waiting for the second shoe to drop. And I think because of that, I just became really comfortable and familiar with grief.

She actually, her oncologist called her his first miracle. She actually lived another 13 years, which is miraculous. But what it meant was we learned to live in this state of sort of waiting for the second shoe to drop. And I think because of that, I just became really comfortable and familiar with grief.

She actually, her oncologist called her his first miracle. She actually lived another 13 years, which is miraculous. But what it meant was we learned to live in this state of sort of waiting for the second shoe to drop. And I think because of that, I just became really comfortable and familiar with grief.

It doesn't bother me when my participants I'm interviewing, you know, sort of cry uncontrollably and then they apologize. And I say, this is just what grief is. This is just how it works. And so what it means is that now I have a very different relationship with my mother than I did at 26 when she died. At 26, I was really angry with her still.

It doesn't bother me when my participants I'm interviewing, you know, sort of cry uncontrollably and then they apologize. And I say, this is just what grief is. This is just how it works. And so what it means is that now I have a very different relationship with my mother than I did at 26 when she died. At 26, I was really angry with her still.

It doesn't bother me when my participants I'm interviewing, you know, sort of cry uncontrollably and then they apologize. And I say, this is just what grief is. This is just how it works. And so what it means is that now I have a very different relationship with my mother than I did at 26 when she died. At 26, I was really angry with her still.

Now, my friends, you know, in our 40s, suddenly my friends seemed really accepting of their mothers, like their relationships with their mothers improved. They were like, well, I understand why she did the thing she did or now I'm so grateful for blah, blah, blah. And I had a whole lot of grief because I didn't get to do that. I didn't get to have that transformation of our relationship.

Now, my friends, you know, in our 40s, suddenly my friends seemed really accepting of their mothers, like their relationships with their mothers improved. They were like, well, I understand why she did the thing she did or now I'm so grateful for blah, blah, blah. And I had a whole lot of grief because I didn't get to do that. I didn't get to have that transformation of our relationship.