Dr. Mary-Frances O'Connor

He told me that he had fallen in love with his high school sweetheart and they had gotten married and had two kids and there was a picket fence in there somewhere. And he told me that she got breast cancer and that he cared for her while she was on hospice. And then he cried when he told me about her dying, which had been about two years ago.

He told me that he had fallen in love with his high school sweetheart and they had gotten married and had two kids and there was a picket fence in there somewhere. And he told me that she got breast cancer and that he cared for her while she was on hospice. And then he cried when he told me about her dying, which had been about two years ago.

He told me that he had fallen in love with his high school sweetheart and they had gotten married and had two kids and there was a picket fence in there somewhere. And he told me that she got breast cancer and that he cared for her while she was on hospice. And then he cried when he told me about her dying, which had been about two years ago.

And then he told me that he had been going to dinner with this woman who was very different from his wife, but that she brought out like really different parts of his personality and that he was really enjoying having dinner with him. And he was very surprised by this. And then he looked at me and he said, the thing is, it was really good then. and it's really good now.

And then he told me that he had been going to dinner with this woman who was very different from his wife, but that she brought out like really different parts of his personality and that he was really enjoying having dinner with him. And he was very surprised by this. And then he looked at me and he said, the thing is, it was really good then. and it's really good now.

And then he told me that he had been going to dinner with this woman who was very different from his wife, but that she brought out like really different parts of his personality and that he was really enjoying having dinner with him. And he was very surprised by this. And then he looked at me and he said, the thing is, it was really good then. and it's really good now.

And to me, that was sort of the encapsulation, you know, of mental health. Not that he didn't cry when he talked about her dying, but that he could go back and forth and fully participate in life now too.

And to me, that was sort of the encapsulation, you know, of mental health. Not that he didn't cry when he talked about her dying, but that he could go back and forth and fully participate in life now too.

And to me, that was sort of the encapsulation, you know, of mental health. Not that he didn't cry when he talked about her dying, but that he could go back and forth and fully participate in life now too.

Oh, Andrew, that's brilliant. I may have to borrow that. The only way to prolong the process is to try and shorten it.

Oh, Andrew, that's brilliant. I may have to borrow that. The only way to prolong the process is to try and shorten it.

Oh, Andrew, that's brilliant. I may have to borrow that. The only way to prolong the process is to try and shorten it.

I mean, I think it is true that along with rumination, that avoidance actually makes it harder. So, you know, sometimes people are avoiding a conversation. Sometimes people are avoiding driving by the hospital. You know, they'll drive an hour out of the way so they don't have to go by the place where it happened and remind it. Oh, yeah. Absolutely. Or they avoid dealing with the closet. Right.

I mean, I think it is true that along with rumination, that avoidance actually makes it harder. So, you know, sometimes people are avoiding a conversation. Sometimes people are avoiding driving by the hospital. You know, they'll drive an hour out of the way so they don't have to go by the place where it happened and remind it. Oh, yeah. Absolutely. Or they avoid dealing with the closet. Right.

I mean, I think it is true that along with rumination, that avoidance actually makes it harder. So, you know, sometimes people are avoiding a conversation. Sometimes people are avoiding driving by the hospital. You know, they'll drive an hour out of the way so they don't have to go by the place where it happened and remind it. Oh, yeah. Absolutely. Or they avoid dealing with the closet. Right.

of the person right all of these methods of avoidance which as you said in in some way are are partially protest you know um it makes it harder for us to learn how to be in life now the classic example is the couple who used to go to dinner with their couple friends you know every friday or or whatever and one of them dies and and And she just can't go to dinner with her friends anymore.

of the person right all of these methods of avoidance which as you said in in some way are are partially protest you know um it makes it harder for us to learn how to be in life now the classic example is the couple who used to go to dinner with their couple friends you know every friday or or whatever and one of them dies and and And she just can't go to dinner with her friends anymore.

of the person right all of these methods of avoidance which as you said in in some way are are partially protest you know um it makes it harder for us to learn how to be in life now the classic example is the couple who used to go to dinner with their couple friends you know every friday or or whatever and one of them dies and and And she just can't go to dinner with her friends anymore.

You know, say that's what she's avoiding. We each have to, you know, have a come to ourselves moment and be honest with ourselves about what it is we're avoiding. But if let's say that's the case and let's say she reaches out and she says, look, I don't want to do this. It seems really painful, but I miss you guys too. And so let's try going to dinner. And I will tell you, it's going to suck.

You know, say that's what she's avoiding. We each have to, you know, have a come to ourselves moment and be honest with ourselves about what it is we're avoiding. But if let's say that's the case and let's say she reaches out and she says, look, I don't want to do this. It seems really painful, but I miss you guys too. And so let's try going to dinner. And I will tell you, it's going to suck.