Dr. Matt May

And so you might not, even if you're a cardiac surgeon, give CPR to someone if you have too low of self-confidence and you don't believe in your abilities. Whereas self-esteem would be the sense of admiration for oneself and respecting of oneself, not listening to our inner critic. for example, and but loving ourselves, admiring ourselves. And that can be an antidote to self-loathing.

And so you might not, even if you're a cardiac surgeon, give CPR to someone if you have too low of self-confidence and you don't believe in your abilities. Whereas self-esteem would be the sense of admiration for oneself and respecting of oneself, not listening to our inner critic. for example, and but loving ourselves, admiring ourselves. And that can be an antidote to self-loathing.

But it's also not always appropriate to feel that way. I think there are, in fact, times when to say To say, gosh, I'm really hating myself right now for the way I treated you. I really hurt you and I don't like that I did that. I'm not approving of myself right now because I treated you badly. But that would be a more adaptive mood state in certain situations.

But it's also not always appropriate to feel that way. I think there are, in fact, times when to say To say, gosh, I'm really hating myself right now for the way I treated you. I really hurt you and I don't like that I did that. I'm not approving of myself right now because I treated you badly. But that would be a more adaptive mood state in certain situations.

Right. And I don't think there's like one mood state or thought that we need to cling to in all situations because they're usually not valuable in all situations.

Right. And I don't think there's like one mood state or thought that we need to cling to in all situations because they're usually not valuable in all situations.

So to distinguish between self-acceptance and self-esteem? Yes. Yeah, I would consider self-acceptance to be a set of beliefs or thoughts about oneself that is acknowledging shortcomings, flaws, and failures with a light heart. I have many of those flaws, shortcomings, and failings. And so it's a very honest way of appraising oneself. I'm accepting myself with all these flaws and shortcomings.

So to distinguish between self-acceptance and self-esteem? Yes. Yeah, I would consider self-acceptance to be a set of beliefs or thoughts about oneself that is acknowledging shortcomings, flaws, and failures with a light heart. I have many of those flaws, shortcomings, and failings. And so it's a very honest way of appraising oneself. I'm accepting myself with all these flaws and shortcomings.

Whereas I think of self-esteem as I'm focusing on the, I'm admiring, I'm focusing on the positives and kind of defending against the negatives. So I personally like self-acceptance more than self-esteem. It feels more genuine and true to accept ourselves warts and all. than to focus on the positive and defend against or respect ourselves so that we shut down the negative.

Whereas I think of self-esteem as I'm focusing on the, I'm admiring, I'm focusing on the positives and kind of defending against the negatives. So I personally like self-acceptance more than self-esteem. It feels more genuine and true to accept ourselves warts and all. than to focus on the positive and defend against or respect ourselves so that we shut down the negative.

Yep. The good, the bad, and the ugly.

Yep. The good, the bad, and the ugly.

That you don't have to earn it, that there's nothing that you have to do to improve or there's nothing you have to have in terms of popularity or wealth or success in order to you just choose to do it. As you said, David, it's a decision that I will approve of myself the way I am and without judgment.

That you don't have to earn it, that there's nothing that you have to do to improve or there's nothing you have to have in terms of popularity or wealth or success in order to you just choose to do it. As you said, David, it's a decision that I will approve of myself the way I am and without judgment.

I have a couple of thoughts on that, David. But yeah, thanks for bringing that up because it is a little confusing. Why would you want to get rid of self-acceptance or self-esteem? One answer to that is that if we're still focused on the self, then we're missing out on a whole lot. And letting go of that, you know, gazing into the mirror, which is a bit narcissistic, really,

I have a couple of thoughts on that, David. But yeah, thanks for bringing that up because it is a little confusing. Why would you want to get rid of self-acceptance or self-esteem? One answer to that is that if we're still focused on the self, then we're missing out on a whole lot. And letting go of that, you know, gazing into the mirror, which is a bit narcissistic, really,

And focusing on our experience and others and our relationships and our work and things that are meaningful to us, it's more like looking through the window than looking into the mirror.

And focusing on our experience and others and our relationships and our work and things that are meaningful to us, it's more like looking through the window than looking into the mirror.

Maybe knowing when to do those things.

Maybe knowing when to do those things.