Dr. Matt May

That's powerful self-acceptance. That's the acceptance paradox, right, David?

That's powerful self-acceptance. That's the acceptance paradox, right, David?

I have one maybe subtle point and then one question. I'm not sure if we fully explored the question of what is the best way to achieve self-esteem, unconditional self-esteem, and unconditional self-acceptance. That's the premium version, Matt.

I have one maybe subtle point and then one question. I'm not sure if we fully explored the question of what is the best way to achieve self-esteem, unconditional self-esteem, and unconditional self-acceptance. That's the premium version, Matt.

Yeah, so I'm not sure that there's one path that's correct for everyone. That's true.

Yeah, so I'm not sure that there's one path that's correct for everyone. That's true.

Yeah. But the understanding like which methods are more likely to be effective is based on what kinds of negative thoughts you're prone to. That our thoughts are like just habits that get produced by our brains.

Yeah. But the understanding like which methods are more likely to be effective is based on what kinds of negative thoughts you're prone to. That our thoughts are like just habits that get produced by our brains.

And so to address them in a customized way, like in one moment in time, just one thought helps because in every other moment in the future where you are upset, you'll have the precise same set of negative thoughts, just like I'll always have the same thumbprint. And if I know what method is helpful for me, it will always work for me in the future.

And so to address them in a customized way, like in one moment in time, just one thought helps because in every other moment in the future where you are upset, you'll have the precise same set of negative thoughts, just like I'll always have the same thumbprint. And if I know what method is helpful for me, it will always work for me in the future.

Love that story, David. And I also experienced, I'm not sure if I have severe borderline personality disorder, but I did suffer from the love addiction and the approval addiction where my self-worth was tied up in whether or not other people loved and approved of me. And I did the cost-benefit analysis on that. And it just dissolved right there in front of my eyes.

Love that story, David. And I also experienced, I'm not sure if I have severe borderline personality disorder, but I did suffer from the love addiction and the approval addiction where my self-worth was tied up in whether or not other people loved and approved of me. And I did the cost-benefit analysis on that. And it just dissolved right there in front of my eyes.

Yeah, I was thinking, oh, I need to wait around for other people to approve of me before I do, because that'll motivate me to be a wonderful friend and partner. And then I realized, no, that's putting me in a terrible mood and it's not allowing me to connect with the other person. And it's me being real needy and that drives people away.

Yeah, I was thinking, oh, I need to wait around for other people to approve of me before I do, because that'll motivate me to be a wonderful friend and partner. And then I realized, no, that's putting me in a terrible mood and it's not allowing me to connect with the other person. And it's me being real needy and that drives people away.

And when I saw the cost benefit analysis play out, I realized this isn't something I want to do. I want to skip the middleman and just approve of myself.

And when I saw the cost benefit analysis play out, I realized this isn't something I want to do. I want to skip the middleman and just approve of myself.

Yeah, it was super helpful to me. And then the other thing that you recommended to me was to go collect rejections. And that was the behavior that actually really annihilated that belief that I need approval or love from other people. And it gave me tremendous self-esteem, self-confidence, acceptance of myself. Because I realized nothing bad happens if someone rejects you.

Yeah, it was super helpful to me. And then the other thing that you recommended to me was to go collect rejections. And that was the behavior that actually really annihilated that belief that I need approval or love from other people. And it gave me tremendous self-esteem, self-confidence, acceptance of myself. Because I realized nothing bad happens if someone rejects you.

That you still have the ability to like yourself from within. And if you're doing that, you're kind of impervious to rejection. And then once I had that experience, then suddenly I connected with someone. And my love life went from rags to riches that day.

That you still have the ability to like yourself from within. And if you're doing that, you're kind of impervious to rejection. And then once I had that experience, then suddenly I connected with someone. And my love life went from rags to riches that day.