Dr. Nicole LePera

That analogy, I mean, it took me until recently to really understand as simple as that is, the message behind that. If we're not physically surviving or thriving, it's very hard to care for another individual.

That analogy, I mean, it took me until recently to really understand as simple as that is, the message behind that. If we're not physically surviving or thriving, it's very hard to care for another individual.

So for many of us who have learned codependent or lacked boundaries or who have even taken this selfless act of service to be this idealized good person conditioning, I think that a lot of us have, boundaries are necessary. Having time and space for our needs allows us to give and support and be of service to other people.

So for many of us who have learned codependent or lacked boundaries or who have even taken this selfless act of service to be this idealized good person conditioning, I think that a lot of us have, boundaries are necessary. Having time and space for our needs allows us to give and support and be of service to other people.

so learning where our boundaries exist in terms of do i have space in my relationships to tend to my physical needs or am i always caring for someone else's physical needs do i have space to attune to my emotional needs can i give support and receive support in the moments where i need either Do I have that point of separation?

so learning where our boundaries exist in terms of do i have space in my relationships to tend to my physical needs or am i always caring for someone else's physical needs do i have space to attune to my emotional needs can i give support and receive support in the moments where i need either Do I have that point of separation?

And when we either explore and see that we don't, then we have to stay committed. As easy as I think as it is for many of us to look outside and to wish someone would just act differently so that then we could feel or do differently in our relationships, the more empowered space really to be is what can I do? Can I set a boundary or a limit?

And when we either explore and see that we don't, then we have to stay committed. As easy as I think as it is for many of us to look outside and to wish someone would just act differently so that then we could feel or do differently in our relationships, the more empowered space really to be is what can I do? Can I set a boundary or a limit?

Can I show up a little less frequently when someone needs me if I don't energetically have the resources to be available? Can I acknowledge the moments where I don't have anything to give emotionally because I'm in a state of emotional need? And can I create that space and allow myself off the hook to not feel like I have to give

Can I show up a little less frequently when someone needs me if I don't energetically have the resources to be available? Can I acknowledge the moments where I don't have anything to give emotionally because I'm in a state of emotional need? And can I create that space and allow myself off the hook to not feel like I have to give

Show up in service of someone else and I think the important part of this is not just Becoming aware of where my boundaries are and creating new ones It's back to that step that I was talking about very early of making the new choices right imagining And navigating all of the fear and concern of what will this person do. Yeah. Navigating and receiving the reaction.

Show up in service of someone else and I think the important part of this is not just Becoming aware of where my boundaries are and creating new ones It's back to that step that I was talking about very early of making the new choices right imagining And navigating all of the fear and concern of what will this person do. Yeah. Navigating and receiving the reaction.

Because at bare minimum, what we will do, especially if we've had a relationship for a long period of time, we're going to violate people's expectations.

Because at bare minimum, what we will do, especially if we've had a relationship for a long period of time, we're going to violate people's expectations.

They're used to us saying yes. Yes. They're used to us showing up. They might be used to us caring for them in a certain way. And now they're hearing that you need some time or space away or you have emotions too and you need...

They're used to us saying yes. Yes. They're used to us showing up. They might be used to us caring for them in a certain way. And now they're hearing that you need some time or space away or you have emotions too and you need...

consideration and support this is going to be surprising to them at minimum and especially if we're taking space away from a particular relationship it could activate that person's abandonment wound right so now they have a very big reaction to what it is that we need that might not be anything connected to us at all from their own past experience. So we might get the reaction that we fear.

consideration and support this is going to be surprising to them at minimum and especially if we're taking space away from a particular relationship it could activate that person's abandonment wound right so now they have a very big reaction to what it is that we need that might not be anything connected to us at all from their own past experience. So we might get the reaction that we fear.

Though on the other side of it, just bringing back to my own relationship with my family, they didn't receive it well when I first made the request or told them essentially that I was taking time away. I know that there was a lot of shock. I know that there was a lot of pain, a lot of hurt, a lot of abandonment.

Though on the other side of it, just bringing back to my own relationship with my family, they didn't receive it well when I first made the request or told them essentially that I was taking time away. I know that there was a lot of shock. I know that there was a lot of pain, a lot of hurt, a lot of abandonment.