Dr. Nicole LePera

So in a lot of ways, it is a shared experience of the pain that comes along with those moments of exclusion. So sensitive moments. And acknowledging that, I think self-compassion is one of the biggest important things to do. When we're being made to feel that something is unworthy or wrong or damaged about us that we can't belong because of others' actions or inactions,

So in a lot of ways, it is a shared experience of the pain that comes along with those moments of exclusion. So sensitive moments. And acknowledging that, I think self-compassion is one of the biggest important things to do. When we're being made to feel that something is unworthy or wrong or damaged about us that we can't belong because of others' actions or inactions,

In that moment, never is it so important to extend our self-compassion, not to just believe what is happening for all of the reasons we just talked about, and to gain and find, if we don't yet have it, support. Who are the people that we can go to and talk about this? Because a lot of our – we judge our pain. We shame our pain.

In that moment, never is it so important to extend our self-compassion, not to just believe what is happening for all of the reasons we just talked about, and to gain and find, if we don't yet have it, support. Who are the people that we can go to and talk about this? Because a lot of our – we judge our pain. We shame our pain.

We may even try to convince ourself out of or hear from very well-meaning loved ones.

We may even try to convince ourself out of or hear from very well-meaning loved ones.

Don't worry about what they're, they don't mean it or, you know, you'll have friends later in life. I know a lot of children hear this when they're ostracized or bullied at school. Like don't take it, you know, don't take it personally. And then we hide it.

Don't worry about what they're, they don't mean it or, you know, you'll have friends later in life. I know a lot of children hear this when they're ostracized or bullied at school. Like don't take it, you know, don't take it personally. And then we hide it.

All of these things that we do to diminish or to suppress or to shame away those very real physiological feelings of pain, emotional feelings of pain.

All of these things that we do to diminish or to suppress or to shame away those very real physiological feelings of pain, emotional feelings of pain.

So being compassionate and present to how it feels and at the same time opening up the possibility, as we've been sharing, that it's not necessarily about us and finding the people or creating the relationships where we can feel included or belonged.

So being compassionate and present to how it feels and at the same time opening up the possibility, as we've been sharing, that it's not necessarily about us and finding the people or creating the relationships where we can feel included or belonged.

Very good question. I think therapy for each of us and the need for it is an individual journey. I think a lot of us will instinctively, that question will be easy to answer. A lot of it, like you're sharing, is colored by what we were taught about therapy, what we expect. therapy to offer us.

Very good question. I think therapy for each of us and the need for it is an individual journey. I think a lot of us will instinctively, that question will be easy to answer. A lot of it, like you're sharing, is colored by what we were taught about therapy, what we expect. therapy to offer us.

I think any time we feel or consider that we could be of benefit for either the safe supportive space that the relationship offers, an alternate perspective, if we don't feel comfortable sharing in our friend groups or in our families or with our loved ones what's really going on, having that space is so incredibly important.

I think any time we feel or consider that we could be of benefit for either the safe supportive space that the relationship offers, an alternate perspective, if we don't feel comfortable sharing in our friend groups or in our families or with our loved ones what's really going on, having that space is so incredibly important.

So that might be an indicator that therapy could be of really great benefit.

So that might be an indicator that therapy could be of really great benefit.

It's an indication. Yes. I think another common thing people love to do well intentionally is immediately offer advice, how they would solve very practically the problem. And having been on the receiving end of it, as I imagine many listeners have also, that can be very frustrating. And one of the greatest benefits of therapy is having space to be heard.

It's an indication. Yes. I think another common thing people love to do well intentionally is immediately offer advice, how they would solve very practically the problem. And having been on the receiving end of it, as I imagine many listeners have also, that can be very frustrating. And one of the greatest benefits of therapy is having space to be heard.