Dr. Nicole LePera

Embodying the work because children are so much more impacted not by what we say but by what they see us doing and more so by how they experience us. And on saying that, to also say children appreciate transparency, vulnerability, humanity, having moments where we acknowledge.

Embodying the work because children are so much more impacted not by what we say but by what they see us doing and more so by how they experience us. And on saying that, to also say children appreciate transparency, vulnerability, humanity, having moments where we acknowledge.

I think this is another area where parents, you know, for very well-intentioned reasons, think that they have to hide their struggles behind the door or not let their children see them cry or have an upsetting emotion.

I think this is another area where parents, you know, for very well-intentioned reasons, think that they have to hide their struggles behind the door or not let their children see them cry or have an upsetting emotion.

Or coming back to their children saying, hey, I want to acknowledge that I screamed and yelled or I closed myself off from you emotionally. How healing that would have been if I heard that from my mom. Hey, little Nicole, I know I gave you the silent treatment, though it was nothing about you. I was overwhelmed by how I was feeling. How healing those moments can be.

Or coming back to their children saying, hey, I want to acknowledge that I screamed and yelled or I closed myself off from you emotionally. How healing that would have been if I heard that from my mom. Hey, little Nicole, I know I gave you the silent treatment, though it was nothing about you. I was overwhelmed by how I was feeling. How healing those moments can be.

Children are humans and humans are attuned creatures. They're sensing. I remember so many moments in childhood where I just knew something was up in the family I don't even know if it was spoken about behind closed doors to each other. I think it was just this individual experience of worry, of concern that was so palpable.

Children are humans and humans are attuned creatures. They're sensing. I remember so many moments in childhood where I just knew something was up in the family I don't even know if it was spoken about behind closed doors to each other. I think it was just this individual experience of worry, of concern that was so palpable.

And over time, if we don't align the reality or speak the reality to our children, what they will do is begin to distrust their instincts or even disconnect from them entirely. Because if they're feeling one way and being told it's another way, they will believe the parent on whom they're dependent and they will disbelieve themselves.

And over time, if we don't align the reality or speak the reality to our children, what they will do is begin to distrust their instincts or even disconnect from them entirely. Because if they're feeling one way and being told it's another way, they will believe the parent on whom they're dependent and they will disbelieve themselves.

I think another version of this is the very well-intentioned helicopter parent who tries to mitigate or minimize or remove any possible suffering entirely from their child, trying to buffer essentially them. And the byproduct of that is not only is that an unrealistic expectation that that child might develop then,

I think another version of this is the very well-intentioned helicopter parent who tries to mitigate or minimize or remove any possible suffering entirely from their child, trying to buffer essentially them. And the byproduct of that is not only is that an unrealistic expectation that that child might develop then,

that life isn't hard, that there aren't challenges, that there isn't natural stressful experiences or upsetting experiences that we go through, their bodies, back to this holistic model, won't have the ability to tolerate discomfort, stress, upset. And again, I think a lot of this comes from pain that parents experience themselves.

that life isn't hard, that there aren't challenges, that there isn't natural stressful experiences or upsetting experiences that we go through, their bodies, back to this holistic model, won't have the ability to tolerate discomfort, stress, upset. And again, I think a lot of this comes from pain that parents experience themselves.

not wanting to pass that pain on or their child to have any version of that experience and then they build this buffer or try to they exhaust themselves in doing it and then the byproduct is as a child who's not emotionally resilient can't deal we want our children to be able to have difficult experiences to have us as a safe home base to return to

not wanting to pass that pain on or their child to have any version of that experience and then they build this buffer or try to they exhaust themselves in doing it and then the byproduct is as a child who's not emotionally resilient can't deal we want our children to be able to have difficult experiences to have us as a safe home base to return to

and over time to develop their own ability to either self-regulate through difficulty or their ability to know when they need the support and then to rely on others to help them co-regulate.

and over time to develop their own ability to either self-regulate through difficulty or their ability to know when they need the support and then to rely on others to help them co-regulate.

form of abuse it was very difficult for me to in any aspect of my childhood experience put that label on things mm-hmm though I've come to realize that it is a form of emotional abuse removing especially in childhood those emotional connections on which our nervous system is reliant to regulate ourselves and then leaving us with the overwhelming pain right our brain is lighting up from this disconnected moment

form of abuse it was very difficult for me to in any aspect of my childhood experience put that label on things mm-hmm though I've come to realize that it is a form of emotional abuse removing especially in childhood those emotional connections on which our nervous system is reliant to regulate ourselves and then leaving us with the overwhelming pain right our brain is lighting up from this disconnected moment