Dr. Paul Conti

Yeah, yeah.

We have to confront the lessons that we learned when we were younger and decide what we think about them now.

So like a lot of people, men and women, but as you said, it's more often men who learn that feelings are for the weak.

Right.

And you should be embarrassed or ashamed of having feelings.

All it's going to do is stand in your way and it's not manly or whatever it may be.

And then we learn to be ashamed of having feelings.

And again, I see so much of this in men and women.

It's in everyone that there's a sense of shame that, oh, I have the feelings inside of me.

Right.

And if those feelings are distressing, like I need to stop and think about something, I need to stop and cry about something, talk about something, that that means there's something wrong with us.

And when we learn that when we're young, we don't get a chance to answer the question.

So this is what takes us back to the unconscious mind.

If it's automatic in me that if I have feelings or negative feelings or sad feelings, that I should equate that with shame and not being manly.

That's going to happen before I have a chance to decide about it.

It's automatic inside of me.

So what we have to do is then challenge that and say, to be self-aware is to say, whoa, something really difficult just happened and I just want to stop and kind of compose myself or I might feel tearful and like, look, I already feel ashamed of that.

So, okay, that's automatic.

I didn't decide.

There were elements in my upbringing.