Dr. Paul Conti

Some of it was good, some of it wasn't good, but this is inside of me.

And right now I'm going to stop and say, I feel this shame inside of me, but like, I'm not accepting that.

It's like, it's okay that I feel this way, right?

Then we let ourselves have the feelings that we have.

And it doesn't mean the next time we won't have a triggered or a reflexive shame, but it means it's a little less powerful.

It occurs a little bit less quickly.

We have a little bit more time to intervene.

So this is how we kind of reprogram ourselves.

It's to be aware of what's happening in us in a reflexive way.

And the shame about having feelings is just a great example of that.

To notice that one has negative or sad feelings is to notice that you immediately become ashamed.

That knowledge is very, very powerful.

Yeah.

The combination of compassionate curiosity and self-determination is incredibly powerful.

So the compassionate curiosity is just to notice that.

So if I notice, as I have through my own therapy over the years, that, oh, if I have negative or sad feelings, I immediately feel ashamed.

Now I can be curious about that and say, well, where did that come in to me?

And then I can go back and look at the lessons of childhood.

And I could say there were a lot of good things about my upbringing, a lot of things I'm grateful for.

And there were also things that weren't taught to me in the healthiest way.