Dr Paul Eastwick

um it's it's supportiveness but it gets into a it's like supportiveness but supportive in a way that isn't like oh like you're a supportive friend like oh you're the kind of person everybody goes to when something's gone wrong i want you as a partner to be exceptionally attuned

To like my goals, my dreams.

I mean, this is kind of what we've done to marriage recently.

We expect our partner to do all these things.

But indeed, people tend to be much happier in their relationships if they feel like their partner has their back and is like supporting them as they pursue the things that they want to pursue.

It can be a tall order, but these generally tend to be the things that matter the most for people.

That's a good question.

I think they underestimate...

the importance of vulnerability, their own vulnerability and the other person's.

And again, like you're describing it like a trait, but that isn't totally how I think about it.

It's not like I wanna find a vulnerable person.

I wanna find somebody who's willing to be vulnerable with me, who's willing to disclose things to me.

I mean, I don't know if you've ever had this experience of like getting to know somebody, but the first time they tell you something,

deeply personal about themselves.

You get the sense they haven't told this to many people.

That's kind of an aphrodisiac in and of itself.

It's like this person is really opening up to me.

They must really trust me.

Exactly.

So there's something at the intersection of vulnerability that I think people don't quite get.