Dr. Rhonda Barofsky

Niceness is, to my way of thinking, one of the major causes of all forms of anxiety because you're constantly trying to please other people and not attending to how you feel inside. And and then you can also feel like what you were talking about last podcast, the approval addiction, Matt, that I need everyone's approval.

Niceness is, to my way of thinking, one of the major causes of all forms of anxiety because you're constantly trying to please other people and not attending to how you feel inside. And and then you can also feel like what you were talking about last podcast, the approval addiction, Matt, that I need everyone's approval.

And I always have to please other people, even at the expense of my own needs and feelings. And so you're always trying to give, give, give to others. and expecting some wonderful thing in return, which you never get. And so you end up being burned out and angry and resentful. and very anxious, as this woman, Susanna, has been feeling. And a couple tools that were very helpful to her.

And I always have to please other people, even at the expense of my own needs and feelings. And so you're always trying to give, give, give to others. and expecting some wonderful thing in return, which you never get. And so you end up being burned out and angry and resentful. and very anxious, as this woman, Susanna, has been feeling. And a couple tools that were very helpful to her.

One was the cost-benefit analysis, which is a motivational tool we talked about last podcast. But what are the advantages and disadvantages of telling yourself, I should be a better mom? And there's a long list in the show notes that you can read hers. But what do you folks see as some of the advantages and disadvantages?

One was the cost-benefit analysis, which is a motivational tool we talked about last podcast. But what are the advantages and disadvantages of telling yourself, I should be a better mom? And there's a long list in the show notes that you can read hers. But what do you folks see as some of the advantages and disadvantages?

Or you can look at the show notes and see if you can find some that make sense.

Or you can look at the show notes and see if you can find some that make sense.

Sure. What are some more advantages, Matt, benefits for her?

Sure. What are some more advantages, Matt, benefits for her?

Yeah, right. Any others you can think of, Rhonda?

Yeah, right. Any others you can think of, Rhonda?

Yeah. Yeah, and she has a lot of benefits on the show notes. If you look at the cost-benefit analysis, I'm motivated to try to make her life rewarding and meaningful, and I try to fulfill my duty as a mom to my daughter who needs my support, and a lot of things like... A lot of benefits like that.

Yeah. Yeah, and she has a lot of benefits on the show notes. If you look at the cost-benefit analysis, I'm motivated to try to make her life rewarding and meaningful, and I try to fulfill my duty as a mom to my daughter who needs my support, and a lot of things like... A lot of benefits like that.

And then what are some of the downsides of doing this, you know, telling yourself I should be a better mom?

And then what are some of the downsides of doing this, you know, telling yourself I should be a better mom?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. She put, I feel guilty doing my own things. I feel guilty when I do not involve her in my activities. I cannot live my own life. I cannot be myself at times. She rules my life and she lives my life. I feel trapped and frustrated. I feel I need to constantly entertain her, and on and on. There's a long list.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. She put, I feel guilty doing my own things. I feel guilty when I do not involve her in my activities. I cannot live my own life. I cannot be myself at times. She rules my life and she lives my life. I feel trapped and frustrated. I feel I need to constantly entertain her, and on and on. There's a long list.

And then she looked at the advantages versus the disadvantages and decided that the disadvantages are really much greater. And it turned out to be surprisingly helpful to her. Her mindset suddenly changed greatly after having struggled with this problem for years. For many years. But in addition, another point is that I pointed out to her that, well, then she revised it.

And then she looked at the advantages versus the disadvantages and decided that the disadvantages are really much greater. And it turned out to be surprisingly helpful to her. Her mindset suddenly changed greatly after having struggled with this problem for years. For many years. But in addition, another point is that I pointed out to her that, well, then she revised it.