Dr. Rhonda Barofsky

You know, you can see her revised version. What can she tell herself instead of, I should be a good mom?

You know, you can see her revised version. What can she tell herself instead of, I should be a good mom?

Yeah, just to reword it, but in a way that's not going to be so dysfunctional for you. And she said, I also want to treat myself the way I treat her. She has the right to live a happy and fulfilling life, but so do I. And she wrote a really beautiful refutation of that thought.

Yeah, just to reword it, but in a way that's not going to be so dysfunctional for you. And she said, I also want to treat myself the way I treat her. She has the right to live a happy and fulfilling life, but so do I. And she wrote a really beautiful refutation of that thought.

Oh, sure. You go ahead. It's beautiful. Yeah. Read it, Rhonda.

Oh, sure. You go ahead. It's beautiful. Yeah. Read it, Rhonda.

And that was beautiful. Yeah, and it was very helpful to her. And this is a very intelligent and hardworking and giving woman. But we took it then one step further that might be of some value too. But to make a long story short before we get on to that, if you are yourself in a give-get imbalance, that means you're always saying yes to people who make demands on you.

And that was beautiful. Yeah, and it was very helpful to her. And this is a very intelligent and hardworking and giving woman. But we took it then one step further that might be of some value too. But to make a long story short before we get on to that, if you are yourself in a give-get imbalance, that means you're always saying yes to people who make demands on you.

And that can be a kind of addiction, but also a recipe for long-term unhappiness, as it was for this woman who I'm calling Suzanne or Susanna or something of that nature. And, yeah, Susanna, we're calling her Susanna. And the other dimension to it is that I reminded her that the daughter's playing mom and dad against each other, and so they don't work together as a team.

And that can be a kind of addiction, but also a recipe for long-term unhappiness, as it was for this woman who I'm calling Suzanne or Susanna or something of that nature. And, yeah, Susanna, we're calling her Susanna. And the other dimension to it is that I reminded her that the daughter's playing mom and dad against each other, and so they don't work together as a team.

And that's where the daughter gets all of her power, by the tension between the mother and father who constantly disagree about on what strategy they should use with their daughter. And I told her, Susanna, who's the one I communicate with, that if you and your husband worked together as a team, you'd have far more power than your daughter does.

And that's where the daughter gets all of her power, by the tension between the mother and father who constantly disagree about on what strategy they should use with their daughter. And I told her, Susanna, who's the one I communicate with, that if you and your husband worked together as a team, you'd have far more power than your daughter does.

And her behavior would suddenly change in a positive way. But the reason she gets so ornery is because she has power, and all of her power comes from the disagreements between the two of you. And then Susanna told me, well, and she's very good with the five secrets, Susanna is.

And her behavior would suddenly change in a positive way. But the reason she gets so ornery is because she has power, and all of her power comes from the disagreements between the two of you. And then Susanna told me, well, and she's very good with the five secrets, Susanna is.

And I said, you know, when you talk to your husband about the things that you're in conflict over, you could use the five secrets. And then she said, oh, I've tried that, and it wouldn't work. And I said, how much do you believe that? And she said, oh, 100%. He's absolutely impossible.

And I said, you know, when you talk to your husband about the things that you're in conflict over, you could use the five secrets. And then she said, oh, I've tried that, and it wouldn't work. And I said, how much do you believe that? And she said, oh, 100%. He's absolutely impossible.

And then I pointed out to her that I had pushed her on multiple previous occasions to use the five secrets with her husband. And it was totally effective 100% of the time. And I reminded her of that. And she said, oh, my gosh, I forgot. And it's almost as if she was in a hypnotic trance, telling herself, you know, this is a hopeless situation. This is a helpless situation.

And then I pointed out to her that I had pushed her on multiple previous occasions to use the five secrets with her husband. And it was totally effective 100% of the time. And I reminded her of that. And she said, oh, my gosh, I forgot. And it's almost as if she was in a hypnotic trance, telling herself, you know, this is a hopeless situation. This is a helpless situation.

It's been going on for years. Nothing can be done. And she was just telling herself a lot of things that weren't. True, and she's a very honest person and a very open person, but you get into these spells that lead to conflict, marital conflict, and other spells that lead to panic and anxiety and other hypnotic trances that lead to depression.

It's been going on for years. Nothing can be done. And she was just telling herself a lot of things that weren't. True, and she's a very honest person and a very open person, but you get into these spells that lead to conflict, marital conflict, and other spells that lead to panic and anxiety and other hypnotic trances that lead to depression.