Dr. Robert Waldinger

And we do know that some of that is true.

What is stress doing to the brain?

Well, yeah, it's not good for your brain.

That

So stress sets up chronic inflammation and chronic inflammation makes the brain deteriorate sooner.

So what we know, so for example, we're trying to figure out how do you stave off dementia and cognitive decline.

And we don't know nearly enough about that yet.

But one of the things that does seem true is that

chronic inflammation, besides breaking down other body systems, gets to your brain and may contribute to cognitive decline, even Alzheimer's, although they're not sure about that.

So unhealthy traits.

I think when it's not very reciprocal, when one person is doing much more of the giving and one person is doing much more of the taking, one person does much more of the listening and doing the emotional care.

Like women have begun to talk about, I don't want to be the emotional caretaker of my partner exclusively.

And men just, you know,

And again, these are gender stereotypes.

Sometimes it's very much the opposite.

But if it's lopsided, right, if one person feels they're giving way more, then eventually it becomes so wearing that it's not sustainable.

I think the other thing is that if people stop being curious about each other, because one of the things that happens, you're with somebody and you just feel like you know what they're going to say.

Actually, one of my Zen teachers gave me an assignment once.

He said, go have dinner with Jennifer, my wife.

He said, your task is to ask yourself,