Dr. Robin Stern

And I think that I managed to be so fascinated by the fact that it was happening that I wasn't really feeling the discomfort about it for quite some time. Because we can get into the explanation trap. Oh, this is really fascinating. Let's kind of figure this out. Rather than, I don't like this. I don't want this anymore.

Well, thank you for that question and for the reminder that we have people who are listening because I was just here with you.

Well, thank you for that question and for the reminder that we have people who are listening because I was just here with you.

Well, thank you for that question and for the reminder that we have people who are listening because I was just here with you.

Yeah. Well, if I can't say it here, really, where can I say that, right? First of all, it is never okay for someone to use anything about you to criticize you. And it's rarely about who's right and wrong. It's always about how do you feel? So if you are in a disagreement with someone, which is fine, we disagree with people. We bump up against people. That's how we know where our boundaries are.

Yeah. Well, if I can't say it here, really, where can I say that, right? First of all, it is never okay for someone to use anything about you to criticize you. And it's rarely about who's right and wrong. It's always about how do you feel? So if you are in a disagreement with someone, which is fine, we disagree with people. We bump up against people. That's how we know where our boundaries are.

Yeah. Well, if I can't say it here, really, where can I say that, right? First of all, it is never okay for someone to use anything about you to criticize you. And it's rarely about who's right and wrong. It's always about how do you feel? So if you are in a disagreement with someone, which is fine, we disagree with people. We bump up against people. That's how we know where our boundaries are.

But if you're suddenly in this disagreement, and you feel like you're being psychologically beaten up, it's not okay. It's probably veering into gaslighting because there's a pivot. Gaslighting is, I say to you, hey, you know what, like you've been avoiding my phone calls. And I'm really uncomfortable with that. And you say, oh, I'm not, just don't worry about it. I'm just busy.

But if you're suddenly in this disagreement, and you feel like you're being psychologically beaten up, it's not okay. It's probably veering into gaslighting because there's a pivot. Gaslighting is, I say to you, hey, you know what, like you've been avoiding my phone calls. And I'm really uncomfortable with that. And you say, oh, I'm not, just don't worry about it. I'm just busy.

But if you're suddenly in this disagreement, and you feel like you're being psychologically beaten up, it's not okay. It's probably veering into gaslighting because there's a pivot. Gaslighting is, I say to you, hey, you know what, like you've been avoiding my phone calls. And I'm really uncomfortable with that. And you say, oh, I'm not, just don't worry about it. I'm just busy.

And then I say it to you again, because I'm pretty sure that like that's happening. And you say to me, you know what? You're too needy. You're so sensitive. Like what's going on with you? Suddenly, and this is for the listeners, the conversation is no longer about

And then I say it to you again, because I'm pretty sure that like that's happening. And you say to me, you know what? You're too needy. You're so sensitive. Like what's going on with you? Suddenly, and this is for the listeners, the conversation is no longer about

And then I say it to you again, because I'm pretty sure that like that's happening. And you say to me, you know what? You're too needy. You're so sensitive. Like what's going on with you? Suddenly, and this is for the listeners, the conversation is no longer about

That the person you're talking to didn't call you, didn't wait for you, didn't contact you.

That the person you're talking to didn't call you, didn't wait for you, didn't contact you.

That the person you're talking to didn't call you, didn't wait for you, didn't contact you.

And if you're saying that, you're not dancing the gaslight tango because you are saying, you know what? You're right. I am sensitive. And can we get back to that thing I was talking about before that?

And if you're saying that, you're not dancing the gaslight tango because you are saying, you know what? You're right. I am sensitive. And can we get back to that thing I was talking about before that?

And if you're saying that, you're not dancing the gaslight tango because you are saying, you know what? You're right. I am sensitive. And can we get back to that thing I was talking about before that?

Yeah. In my experience over three decades of working with people, many of whom have suffered and struggled with the gaslight effect, One of the hardest places to be is when you can't let go of that desire to change your gaslighter's mind. So he tells you, you're so paranoid or you're too sensitive or you're too needy or you're too whatever. And you can't stand that.