Dr. Robin Stern

Yeah. In my experience over three decades of working with people, many of whom have suffered and struggled with the gaslight effect, One of the hardest places to be is when you can't let go of that desire to change your gaslighter's mind. So he tells you, you're so paranoid or you're too sensitive or you're too needy or you're too whatever. And you can't stand that.

Yeah. In my experience over three decades of working with people, many of whom have suffered and struggled with the gaslight effect, One of the hardest places to be is when you can't let go of that desire to change your gaslighter's mind. So he tells you, you're so paranoid or you're too sensitive or you're too needy or you're too whatever. And you can't stand that.

You can't stand that he thinks that of you. And you've decided that you can't leave the relationship. Or you can't create the distance you want. You can't even limit it until you can convince him. Of course, you're not thinking it through. You're just in that moment of, I can't stand that.

You can't stand that he thinks that of you. And you've decided that you can't leave the relationship. Or you can't create the distance you want. You can't even limit it until you can convince him. Of course, you're not thinking it through. You're just in that moment of, I can't stand that.

You can't stand that he thinks that of you. And you've decided that you can't leave the relationship. Or you can't create the distance you want. You can't even limit it until you can convince him. Of course, you're not thinking it through. You're just in that moment of, I can't stand that.

I always get this image of this one couple I worked with years ago where he would say, she follows me around the house. Like that's unacceptable. As if her response and her neediness was the problem as opposed to his gaslighting. But it does become a problem for the gaslighting. Because you do have an urge to be joined with your gaslighter.

I always get this image of this one couple I worked with years ago where he would say, she follows me around the house. Like that's unacceptable. As if her response and her neediness was the problem as opposed to his gaslighting. But it does become a problem for the gaslighting. Because you do have an urge to be joined with your gaslighter.

I always get this image of this one couple I worked with years ago where he would say, she follows me around the house. Like that's unacceptable. As if her response and her neediness was the problem as opposed to his gaslighting. But it does become a problem for the gaslighting. Because you do have an urge to be joined with your gaslighter.

And if he's not going to come over, if you can't go to his side and you're defending yourself, you want him to come to your side.

And if he's not going to come over, if you can't go to his side and you're defending yourself, you want him to come to your side.

And if he's not going to come over, if you can't go to his side and you're defending yourself, you want him to come to your side.

Yeah. I mean, we're going to hold hands and look at the world together. We're going to hold hands and be joined in the way we think about things. And when we feel that very strongly, when we have that need very strongly, then we have to agree. And most of the time in gaslighting relationships is if you can't get him to agree, then you're going to agree.

Yeah. I mean, we're going to hold hands and look at the world together. We're going to hold hands and be joined in the way we think about things. And when we feel that very strongly, when we have that need very strongly, then we have to agree. And most of the time in gaslighting relationships is if you can't get him to agree, then you're going to agree.

Yeah. I mean, we're going to hold hands and look at the world together. We're going to hold hands and be joined in the way we think about things. And when we feel that very strongly, when we have that need very strongly, then we have to agree. And most of the time in gaslighting relationships is if you can't get him to agree, then you're going to agree.

Right. Become smaller and smaller. And and first, I'm sorry that you went through that. That sounds like it was most likely very painful. And I was wondering what happened between time one and time two. So time one, when you thought, like, don't be silly. And time two, when you were saying, wait, like, what did you see? What happened for you? Did you think about it at all?

Right. Become smaller and smaller. And and first, I'm sorry that you went through that. That sounds like it was most likely very painful. And I was wondering what happened between time one and time two. So time one, when you thought, like, don't be silly. And time two, when you were saying, wait, like, what did you see? What happened for you? Did you think about it at all?

Right. Become smaller and smaller. And and first, I'm sorry that you went through that. That sounds like it was most likely very painful. And I was wondering what happened between time one and time two. So time one, when you thought, like, don't be silly. And time two, when you were saying, wait, like, what did you see? What happened for you? Did you think about it at all?

Or did you just think, I don't know what's wrong with him? He's like really being weird.

Or did you just think, I don't know what's wrong with him? He's like really being weird.

Or did you just think, I don't know what's wrong with him? He's like really being weird.