Dr. Shadé Zahrai

Yes, they're incredibly diligent.

But they never feel satisfied.

And that level of emptiness that they feel also drives them to try and seek that satisfaction from the next hit, the next achievement.

It's called the arrival fallacy.

When I get there, I will feel like I've made it.

And then they get there and they think, why doesn't this feel any different?

And then they set the next goal and they're perpetually seeking this state of enoughness.

And then they sacrifice things on the way to get there because they're so fixated on believing when I get there, everything will fall into place, that they've sacrificed relationships, they've sacrificed time with their children, they've sacrificed family, they've sacrificed well-being generally.

And so, yes, it may be a driver.

The fundamental question that we get asked about perfectionism, because we have a lot of people who say, well, I set high standards and I think it's a good thing.

Isn't that a good thing?

The fundamental difference is what happens when you don't achieve the standards.

That determines whether it's perfectionism or it's just striving for excellence.

If you beat yourself up and tell yourself, I'm a failure, I'm not enough, I'm terrible, you judge yourself.

That is a sign of perfectionism that is called maladaptive.

That is a reflection of you not feeling like you're enough.

So you punish yourself.

Whereas if you fall short, yeah, you can feel disappointed for a while.

That's fine.

That's natural.