Dr. Shadé Zahrai

So what's actually really interesting, and I was going to say this about you, I think that your doubt profile from what you've shared with me, acceptance is your weak one.

Autonomy is your absolute strength.

Sometimes what happens when autonomy is so high and people take so much responsibility for things, they actually end up personalizing things that are not theirs to take.

Perfect example of that.

Yes, I do.

And so you get into always and never because it's your way of holding yourself accountable, but sometimes it's not actually helpful in terms of how you feel and what you do.

So the first thing to think is, okay, let's change the language, the intensity of the language that we're using.

So instead of this always happens to me, let's bring that fact checker back in, right?

Is that factual?

Does that always happen to you?

Usually the response will be,

Well, no, it's not always.

It's maybe some of the time, maybe often, but it's not always.

Okay.

What's a more realistic way of looking at that?

Okay.

Well, instead of you always cut me off when we're speaking, you would say to yourself, I've noticed that there are times when I do get cut off when I'm speaking.

Then you shift responsibility to you.

How can I speak differently to this person?

to reduce that happening?