Dr. Todd Rose

Then if all we did, and I'll tell you why, if you lean into let them,

I mean, you framed a lot, and I think it's right, around how miserable we get when we try to control everybody else.

But it goes a little further because as we start to participate in that sort of like, you should believe what I'm saying too.

And what's funny about collective illusions, and this is one of those like, I could not believe this.

So once you start lying about your views, the research is pretty clear.

You start to lean into that.

You become an enforcer of it.

Yes.

And because you always think people are going to find me out.

Because I know I'm lying.

It's called the illusion of transparency.

They think everyone can tell that I'm not really a true believer.

And so it turns out that people who lie about their views have a high probability to become enforcers of that view on other people.

I'll give you a concrete example.

Every time I hear a pastor who's anti-gay now, I'm like, they're probably gay.

The number of times that just turns out to be true, I'm like, yeah, you're protesting a bit much, right?

But once you're hiding that part of yourself, you start to become the person that literally leads the witch hunt to prove like, no, look, I'm a true believer.

And so don't be that person, right?

Because the let them part of it is the more you're seeking to control their people, not just their behavior, but their beliefs, you are leading them down a path of self-silencing that will be catastrophic for them.

But now you also know it's catastrophic for all of us.