Drew Burney

He identified the three selves, okay?

And it's a part of what he calls self-discrepancy theory.

You have the actual self, like that's who you are, kind of a lot of what we've already talked about, right?

You have the ideal self, who you want to be.

Then he has this third self called the ought self.

It's who you think you should be, right?

Whether that's from your family or society or culture or school or whatever.

He argues that ideal gaps, where you have a gap between who you are and who you ideally want to be,

that those are kind of like promotion folks.

They're very motivational, very healthy ways to motivate change.

The way not to go about doing it is with all of these ought gaps that are created.

We have who we are and who we ought to be, who we think we should be.

That's where he says all the kind of rub comes in, all the friction, all the conflict.

This is where we start something and don't finish it because it's actually not who we want to be.

We never questioned it.

We never thought about it.

It was just we accepted it from everyone around us.

You're avoiding failure at that point.

You're avoiding what people might think.

Both of them motivate change.