Ed Mylett

If they talk at a pace like this, just like I'm talking at this pace right now,

And I'm talking like this very fast, I break connection and we can't have rapport.

So I want to listen for the pace that they speak at, the cadence, also the tonality.

You know, they talk kind of hunched over and quiet.

I want to talk like that and a little bit better.

If they talk at a certain volume, if they talk like this, I don't want to talk like this!

The same time if they talk like this, I don't want to talk like this.

I wasn't listening for their volume level.

We want to match their volume level.

And so when you begin to match and mirror like this, use the words they use, just a few of them, don't overcook it.

But when they've got three or four words they use, and you use one or two of those words, I can promise you, you connect.

When you speak at a similar pace to them in tonality, you connect.

When you speak at a similar volume to them, you connect.

If there are hand gestures as I'm listening and observing them, they use, if they're constantly folding their hands like this, if you're on audio, I'm folding my hands right now, they pray or they have their hands down or they do some sort of a gesture with their hands or shoulders, I will oftentimes, I'm watching, this isn't manipulation, this is connecting with people, I'm listening so closely, I can see their physical moves as well.

If there's emotions I hear them go to often, which is regret,

or sadness, let's just say, they keep telling me stories about things they regret or they're sad of, I will share with them one of the things I regret and bring them with me.

If they talk about past achievements or they talk about some material things, then I'll talk about some material things or past achievements.

I'm listening for them to give me the language, the words, the tonality that I can move them with.

And this is also true in every area, but particularly in influence when we're trying to persuade people.

So the reason this is so important is people have go-to words.