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Chapter 1: What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
So there's an outfit that you keep reaching for, the one that's kind of soft enough to sleep in, put together enough to answer the door, and then somehow it's right for everything in between. Let me just tell you what I just described. I just described Cozy Earth. Cozy Earth jogger sets, by the way, are made from this viscose thing from bamboo.
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Chapter 2: How can we evaluate our emotional maturity in difficult conversations?
This spring, give yourself the kind of comfort that lives with you all day. Head to CozyEarth.com and use my code, MILET, for an exclusive 20% off. And if you see a post-purchase survey, mention you heard about Cozy Earth right here on the Ed Milet Show. Cozy Earth. Comfort lives here. This is the Ed Milet Show. Hey, everyone. Welcome to my weekend special. I hope you enjoy the show.
Be sure to follow the Ed Milet Show on Apple and Spotify. Links are in the show notes. You'll never miss an episode that way. Now on with the show. All right. Welcome back to the show, everybody. So I'm really excited about this week's episode. As you know, I don't post very often on social media anymore. But if you're not following me on Instagram, make sure you go ahead and do that.
I did make a post a few weeks ago on my Instagram story about emotional maturity. and how to deal with people that, for lack of a better term, get you all wound up.
Chapter 3: What specific phrases can help when dealing with passive-aggressive behavior?
They get you angry or hurt or they just create angst in your life. You probably have somebody like that in your life. They push your buttons and maybe that person is very close to you, maybe really close to you. And so we're going to talk about that today. You know, life is supposed to be a joyous experience, at least most of the time.
And you got to really evaluate your emotional maturity and how you deal with people that are emotionally immature, which I believe is a sign of weakness in people, hurt people, angry people. And we're going to talk about this today. Let me ask you a question.
If you and I met or you met the person in your life who you wanted to spend the rest of your life with, let's just say, but they said, well, here's the thing. We got to live in my house. And you go, okay, all right. They say, well, let me just tell you about my house. My house, regularly there's snakes all over it. You got to avoid them.
There's a fire that pops up in a room randomly every couple of weeks. So there's fire in this house all the time. It rains in there. It gets really hot some days and other days it gets freezing cold. Sometimes it feels like you're in an earthquake. The whole house is shaking. You think it's going to come down all around you.
Then there's other times in this house where it's like a tornado blows through it. You don't know where it came from, but it just hits the house and wrecks it. And we're going to live in that house the rest of our lives. So I know you love me, but you need to know the house we're going to live in. And it gets worse than that. From time to time, you don't even know what's going on.
You can't read it at all. There's no detection. And out of the blue, another storm hits, another fire hits, another snake pops up.
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Chapter 4: Why is communication considered an underrated skill?
Then you walk into the wrong room and there's lions and tigers and bears that just attack you. And so it's coming from all angles a lot of the time. Would you rethink that relationship or whether you wanted to live in that house? Maybe you love the person, but you said, the house part, that part I'm not buying into. Maybe it wasn't even a significant other.
It was just a great friend who said, when you come visit me, you won't know when, but when you come to my house, this is what takes place there. You'd probably rethink that friendship, wouldn't you? You would not accept those terms in a long-term relationship or in a friendship. Yet we do this all the time with the people around us. Let me say something to you.
A truly emotionally mature person does not allow another human to pull them into their pit of anger, hurt, and angst. but people do it all the time. I want you to evaluate whether you're emotionally mature. I only know this is true because I've allowed this to happen to me far too many times, where how somebody else acts pulls me into their pit of anger, fear, angst.
Then you find yourself with these people, because by the way, people, humans, have an emotional home. don't they? I've talked about this in my book, The Power of One More. You have an emotional home, as does every human being you meet. Your default emotion is bliss, joy, ecstasy, passion, peace, laughter.
If you're in those emotions most of the time, there'll be times when you're not at home and you visit other places and you will feel anger or fear or sadness or scarcity. But everyone has an emotional home.
And if you love somebody, but their emotional home, in other words, the home they're going to have you live in with them because you live in that home with them, is anger, fear, anxiety, depression, frustration, angst, scarcity. You know what I'm talking about. You've chosen to live in that home with this person for the rest of your life.
And an emotionally immature person allows when someone goes to their home of anger, angst, and frustration, they go there with them. And they try to win a conversation. You ever be in a conversation with somebody where they get angry so you get angrier? They put you down so you come back with something about them. They bring up something from your past so you bring up two things from their past.
And it ends up being this emotional immaturity pit that you end up in.
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Chapter 5: What challenges do we face in avoiding hard conversations?
You know exactly what I'm talking about. That is no way to live your life. Yet so many times in our life, these people, this stimulus, if we're emotionally immature, we go there with them, with this immature person, and we end up being more immature than they are.
And so if the quality of your life is in fact the quality of your emotions, this may be one of the most important episodes you ever listened to. I want you to begin to think about yourself and evaluate yourself in terms of your emotional maturity. I know I'm doing this as I speak to you. Remember, I only know this because I've allowed this to happen to me far too many times myself.
So you have to evaluate two things. A, your own responses when these people begin to behave this way, which is more often than not, isn't it, for some people? and B, their proximity to you, and whether you really would live in that house if you knew that was the house, even if you like or love them. Because here's the truth. You choose your response, your reaction, or the lack thereof.
You don't win by getting more angry, more reckless, and more out of control with somebody. That's a race to the bottom, and the loser is you.
And so when you're dealing with somebody who on a regular basis, they pit up anger, they're passive aggressive with you, they're a victim, they start generating these emotions, and you find yourself trying to win, I can be more angry, I can put you down more. And you think, well, no, I'm standing up for myself. No, you're not.
You're being emotionally immature with a very emotionally immature person in your midst. Being more angry, mean, or threatening is not a sign of strength. It's a sign of fear and immaturity. A strong person, when someone is emotionally immature, somehow finds a way to stay in peace, to stay in bliss, to stay composed, to stay in God. Strength is resisting the desire to hurt them back.
I really want to talk about this for a second because I know that when I was an emotionally immature person, and I still can be, when someone would become angry with me, I would try to win that conversation and be more angry. If they hurt me, I wanted to hurt them back. But ask yourself a question. Is that mature? Is that good for your own emotional health? Is that good for your own well-being?
Is that good for your own inflammation? These people inflame us, literally.
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Chapter 6: How does active listening impact relationships?
They inflame us. And so I want you to evaluate something. I already know, by the way, you're thinking about that person who does it, aren't you? You got that person. You're thinking about their face, their name. They may be somebody you're married to that you date, maybe a good friend of yours, maybe a parent, maybe a sibling. If you're emotionally mature, when they get angry, you don't go there.
You rise above. You disconnect. You become an observer of what's taking place. When they get loud, you get quiet. When they get mean, you get kind. When they get hurtful, you get loving. And these are a choice. These are choices that we make in our life. You're choosing to get angry with them. You're choosing to race them to the bottom of the emotional game. Nobody wins when you do it.
Nobody feels better after. You know what it else is? It's spiritual immaturity. What if you would begin to act as God would want you to, not the enemy? Here's what I think. If you believe in that, which I do, the enemy is the one going, now you get more angry. Now you put them down again. Now you bring up something from the past. Now you get immature. Now you be the victim. Now you retaliate.
Now you be passive-aggressive.
Chapter 7: What role does emotional maturity play in conflict resolution?
And all of a sudden you're in this out of control spiral. And you got to ask yourself, how many minutes of your life do you want to spend in this spiral of emotional immaturity? How much time do you want to live in your emotional home of angst, anger, frustration, sadness, anxiety? You know what I mean? Like you get wound up about stuff in life.
But what if you decided to start to act as God would want you to? What if you began to surrender winning the argument with this poor person? I've started to feel empathy for people in my life who are around me, friends or otherwise, who begin to behave in this way. And you get into patterns in your relationships with people that are so unhealthy, so dangerous. This could be at work.
Maybe it's somebody at work that pushes your buttons. You know what I'm talking about, right? You are best to rise above, disengage, and act as God would want you to. If you believe in this, and I also believe in this, you stay at a high vibrational frequency when they start to go low.
When they start to reduce the frequency of all these negative things and emotions and put downs or whatever they do to you, you stay in the high emotional frequency. By the way, nothing, nothing will frustrate them more than you doing that. Nothing frustrates an angry person more than when you come back with kindness. They're trying to pull you into this race to the bottom.
And by the way, if they're naturally a little bit more of an angry or sad or victimized person than you are, they're better at it than you. Don't even try. They are professionals at being a victim. They are professionals at being sad. They are professionals at anxiety. They are professionals at retaliation. They are professionals at anger. And you dabble in it when you go into their house.
Stay in your house. You choose your emotions. The quality of your life is the quality of your emotions, and too many of you are spending too many minutes and seconds of your life in emotions that you don't want to be in because you're emotionally immature still. If another human being can control you that easily, you need to look at you.
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Chapter 8: How can we apply these communication strategies in our daily lives?
This is your choice. I'm speaking to myself, by the way, okay? You need to look at you. This is not about them. They are clearly who they are. They are clearly in their emotional home.
In fact, just for a second, when I say somebody who lives in an emotional home of being sad or a victim or angry, or there's somebody who takes a superior position and puts you down and tries to minimize you, any of those things, who'd you just think of? Who'd you just think of? Work, family, friends. Okay. That's their home. You stay in yours.
And when you begin to go into theirs, you lack maturity. It's a sign of spiritual immaturity. By the way, if you still get an adrenaline rush out of retaliation, you know, when you go back and forth with them and kind of get an adrenaline rush, ask yourself why that is.
You know, the reason I put the podcast out today about this is I'm traveling a lot and I'm flying commercial when I fly now as a choice. And I just watch humans. We're so mean to each other. We're so harsh. We're so dismissive. It's rare to meet a kind person. It's rare to meet someone who's generous, who cares.
It's not out to get it, you know?
And I'd like to just make a speck of sand in the beach of life by pushing back against that for a second and resisting it. You know, you don't have to be that way. Do you ever be on an airplane and watch when they say, group two boarding, and humans just rush and elbow people out of, it's just unbelievable. Or how they don't make eye contact when someone serves them.
Or the arguments people get into.
And these are strangers. Never mind, you're having some of these same arguments with the person you say you love, who says they love you. Who's your sibling? Who's your parent? Who's your girlfriend or boyfriend? At some point, you have to ask yourself, do I really want to live in this house the rest of my life?
And you have two choices. A, don't ever go into that house with them again. Ever. You don't get more angry. You don't race them to the bottom. You don't put them down more. Or B, leave the house altogether. You only have so many minutes in your life. I think you were born to spend most of those minutes in bliss, most of those minutes in peace.
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