Eli Finkel

I in particular went through a hard time with the adjustment to parenthood.

And I frankly, I think that the reason I had a hard time is the sort of stuff that I'm talking about in the book.

I hadn't sufficiently calibrated or recalibrated my expectations to what life would be like with a newborn.

And the research on this is in fact tricky.

Obviously having a bundle of joy is a wonderful thing and you love the new baby like crazy and kissing that little fuzzy head is one of the most satisfying things we ever get to do in our lives.

But the reality is a recent estimate suggests that it's about 33 and a half additional hours a week of extra time, like of care that goes into that.

And I would ask the couples out there listening who don't have a kid,

Where would those 33.5 hours a week come from?

And then you're complementing that with some sleep deprivation and, frankly, much less time for emotional connection or sexual connection with your spouse.

And is it any surprise that the research evidence shows that the arrival of the first baby tends to be pretty hard on the quality of the relationship, on the marital satisfaction, for example?

And it was during that period where we took a trip to Seattle to see my closest and longest-term friend, one of these life experiences that has always been a source of bliss and joy for me throughout the 30-some-odd years of my life at the time.

And I was miserable.

It turns out that traveling across the country with an eight-month-old is not anything like traveling across the country without an eight-month-old.

And then you're together with your best friend, and there's all the stuff that you used to do.

But now there's an eight-month-old there, and you're not doing any of those things.

And I...

really had a hard time.

I mean, I can't really exaggerate this.

I really struggled emotionally with the adjustment.

And I said to my wife, and I regret saying this, it's hard for me to say out loud right now, you know, I can endure this.