Eli Finkel

And so what does it mean if you have a marriage that you're looking for to meet these very highest level needs, say, for example, in Maslow's hierarchy, and the marriage succeeds in doing so?

You're able to achieve a level of fulfillment in the marriage that would have been out of reach in an era where we really weren't even trying to meet those types of needs.

So at the same time that these high expectations are weighting us down and making it more difficult to achieve a healthy marriage, at the same time that a marriage that would have been acceptable to us in 1950 is a disappointment to us today because of these high expectations, those same expectations have placed within REACH a level of marital fulfillment that was out of REACH until pretty recently.

It's a hard grape to grow, as you know, right?

Well, I think a lot of us should be pretty careful about Pinot.

I mean, I think that clip does an absolutely masterful job of providing an analogy to how marriage has changed in America in the last, say, 50 years or more.

It's changed from an institution approximating Cabernet,

which can just grow anywhere and thrive even when it's neglected, to a much more delicate, fragile institution that requires a lot of tending and maintenance.

So you ask me, who would ever want anything other than Pinot Noir, at least according to how Miles thinks about those grapes?

And I would say a whole lot of people might not want to deal with something that fragile and delicate.

But...

Like he says, those of us who get it right, that is, well, and he's talking about the grapes, when there's the right grower and the right context, the flavors are just haunting and brilliant and subtle and ancient.

And what I think he's saying is this is a high-maintenance grape.

It takes a lot of work.

And if you aren't careful and attentive, you're going to be disappointed in it.

It's going to fail you.

But if you work hard enough, you can have something truly exquisite.

And that is where we are today with the All or Nothing Marriage.

That's right.

We went through a hard time.