Ellen Hendriksen

Yeah, absolutely. So I think, well, here, I want to make one more point, because again, you're absolutely right about how it feels really good to hit it out of the park. And it does get us positive attention. And so perfectionism is, this is what makes it so hard, I think, is what is called interpersonally motivated. So essentially, it's trying to help us

Yeah, absolutely. So I think, well, here, I want to make one more point, because again, you're absolutely right about how it feels really good to hit it out of the park. And it does get us positive attention. And so perfectionism is, this is what makes it so hard, I think, is what is called interpersonally motivated. So essentially, it's trying to help us

Yeah, absolutely. So I think, well, here, I want to make one more point, because again, you're absolutely right about how it feels really good to hit it out of the park. And it does get us positive attention. And so perfectionism is, this is what makes it so hard, I think, is what is called interpersonally motivated. So essentially, it's trying to help us

It's trying to help us belong to the tribe. But perfectionism takes us down the wrong path to get there. It tells us the lie that we have to perform as superbly as possible to get people to like us, that we have to be good at things in order to belong. But think about why your friends are your friends. Like, are you friends with them because they're good at things?

It's trying to help us belong to the tribe. But perfectionism takes us down the wrong path to get there. It tells us the lie that we have to perform as superbly as possible to get people to like us, that we have to be good at things in order to belong. But think about why your friends are your friends. Like, are you friends with them because they're good at things?

It's trying to help us belong to the tribe. But perfectionism takes us down the wrong path to get there. It tells us the lie that we have to perform as superbly as possible to get people to like us, that we have to be good at things in order to belong. But think about why your friends are your friends. Like, are you friends with them because they're good at things?

You know, do you like them because they're skilled at conversation? They always pick a good restaurant. You know, they always remember your birthday. You know, none of those things are bad, but I'm guessing that is not why you like them. You know, more, more likely you're friends with your friends because of how they make you feel. Like I'm,

You know, do you like them because they're skilled at conversation? They always pick a good restaurant. You know, they always remember your birthday. You know, none of those things are bad, but I'm guessing that is not why you like them. You know, more, more likely you're friends with your friends because of how they make you feel. Like I'm,

You know, do you like them because they're skilled at conversation? They always pick a good restaurant. You know, they always remember your birthday. You know, none of those things are bad, but I'm guessing that is not why you like them. You know, more, more likely you're friends with your friends because of how they make you feel. Like I'm,

When I'm with my friends, I feel connected, supported, understood, like I can be myself. But the lie of perfectionism makes us really double down on performance in order to earn our way into belonging rather than focusing on connecting or enjoying each other.

When I'm with my friends, I feel connected, supported, understood, like I can be myself. But the lie of perfectionism makes us really double down on performance in order to earn our way into belonging rather than focusing on connecting or enjoying each other.

When I'm with my friends, I feel connected, supported, understood, like I can be myself. But the lie of perfectionism makes us really double down on performance in order to earn our way into belonging rather than focusing on connecting or enjoying each other.

Yeah, we're trying to separate the overlap of our performance from our value, from our self-worth. So we're never going to separate those completely. Of course, we're going to be proud of the good things we do. Of course, we're going to be disappointed when the things we try don't work out. But if we can try to separate that over-evaluation That's what we're trying to do.

Yeah, we're trying to separate the overlap of our performance from our value, from our self-worth. So we're never going to separate those completely. Of course, we're going to be proud of the good things we do. Of course, we're going to be disappointed when the things we try don't work out. But if we can try to separate that over-evaluation That's what we're trying to do.

Yeah, we're trying to separate the overlap of our performance from our value, from our self-worth. So we're never going to separate those completely. Of course, we're going to be proud of the good things we do. Of course, we're going to be disappointed when the things we try don't work out. But if we can try to separate that over-evaluation That's what we're trying to do.

And to that end, I tell the story of Kareem Abdul-Jabbar and his time at UCLA under the legendary basketball coach, John Wooden. And the record of the team was so impressive that two researchers, so doctors Roland Tharp and Ronald Gallimore, sat in the stands for the 1974-1975 practices to see, like, what is the secret sauce?

And to that end, I tell the story of Kareem Abdul-Jabbar and his time at UCLA under the legendary basketball coach, John Wooden. And the record of the team was so impressive that two researchers, so doctors Roland Tharp and Ronald Gallimore, sat in the stands for the 1974-1975 practices to see, like, what is the secret sauce?

And to that end, I tell the story of Kareem Abdul-Jabbar and his time at UCLA under the legendary basketball coach, John Wooden. And the record of the team was so impressive that two researchers, so doctors Roland Tharp and Ronald Gallimore, sat in the stands for the 1974-1975 practices to see, like, what is the secret sauce?

Like, what does Coach Wooden do to make this team just hit it out of the park every time? To mix my metaphors. And what they discovered is that he very seldom raised or criticized his players. And that instead, as a former high school teacher, he did exactly that. He taught. He told you what to do and how to do it. So he would say things like, pass from the chest. Run, don't walk.

Like, what does Coach Wooden do to make this team just hit it out of the park every time? To mix my metaphors. And what they discovered is that he very seldom raised or criticized his players. And that instead, as a former high school teacher, he did exactly that. He taught. He told you what to do and how to do it. So he would say things like, pass from the chest. Run, don't walk.