Emilie Kiser

the hate that I get, the feedback that I get, because I don't expect people to understand.

They never will understand.

I would rather share, quote unquote, not enough in their eyes, or I would rather look, quote unquote, not sad enough or whatever their expectation is and feel like I'm protecting myself and my family and my inner deepest, darkest parts of my grief and save that for the people, the professionals that are truly going to understand and be able to walk me and talk me through it and support me.

And they shouldn't be.

I've gone through so many different emotions with parenting since...

We lost Trig.

And just being completely honest, feeling not good enough, feeling unfit, feeling like, feeling scared.

Losing a child really shows you, in the scariest, most real way possible, just how quickly life can change and how quickly life can be literally taken away.

And I think that really scared me with Teddy.

There's so many things in my control that I can do.

Preventative measures I can take, ways I can be better.

I mean, there's a list of things as a parent that you can do to protect your children.

But there's also so many stories and stories that I heard after we lost Trig where I was like,

That was completely freak accident, not preventable.

And that's an element that's been hard in parenting him is realizing that there's only so much I can control.

I always try to remind myself that I have a choice to make.

I can either...

and let this completely derail me more than it already has and not really feel like I'm fit or able to take care of my younger son or I can do everything in my power to be the best mom I possibly can for him and give him the same love and

that Trigg had and has.

And I made a promise to Trigg right before we lost him that I was going to take care of Teddy.