Emma
Appearances
20/20
True Crime Vault: Shot in the Dark
I'm home alone and somebody in all black walked down my street and came to my door and rang the doorbell over and over again. I thought I was going to die. Emma's obviously shook and who do you think she calls? She calls Riley. I'm shaking and crying. I hate you, but I need you right now.
20/20
Bad Romance: Love You to Death
And Dad said that he knew somebody who did that kind of thing. And that person was Molly, and he took me to go meet her, and she made a costume for me.
20/20
Bad Romance: Love You to Death
I was still up doing homework at around 10 PM. And that's when, that's around the time that dad came home.
20/20
Bad Romance: Love You to Death
I brought them home that day after the contest. And dad said that he would take one to the garage just to use as a rags.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
And Emma, I'd say every exec, every leader, every aspiring leader is an athlete. We have to start treating our body and minds like athlete because you're demanding things from your body and mind.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
Yeah. The first is thankfulness. And the reason why I say that one is the first one is because if you're not thankful for where you're at, it doesn't matter how much you'll achieve, you'll never be thankful. Yeah.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
If you're insecure about where you're at, if you're envious about where you're at, if you're jealous, judgmental of where you're at, that's what you're going to be like when you're at the top of the mountain or when you're at the bottom of the mountain. So the way I'd say to be grateful is not a journal. Don't write about it. You have to share it.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
If you want gratitude to work, it has to be three things. Expressed. specific and personal. So if I'm going to be grateful to you, Emma, like you were kindly to me at the start of this, you expressed it. You said, Jay, I love coming on your show. You were specific. You were like, Jay, when I came on your show, I got to talk about things that I don't really talk about. And you were personal.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
You said, you made me feel really comfortable. You did all of those three things. If you think about most gratitude, it's generic. I'm grateful for life. I'm grateful for the air. I'm grateful for the cloud. And you'll be grateful in your journal. You never share it. It's just writing it down. That doesn't work.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
Studies show that if you share gratitude, if you express it, it's specific and it's personal, you can't be worried or anxious at the same time. It's not possible.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
Absolutely. And it changes everything because you just said, and I'd say that to people, for the next seven days, do what Emma does. Send one person personally and one person professionally a text, an email, a voice message, a video message. It doesn't have to be long, 30 seconds and share gratitude that's specific and personal. It will change your relationships. It will change how you feel.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
It will make you feel like you're connected to people. You're not lonely at the top. You actually have, you're paving the way for others to follow as well. There's so many benefits. So that has to be- That's amazing.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
Absolutely.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
So the second habit is something I called insight. I think about humans really interestingly. If you're hungry, you go to your refrigerator or Uber Eats or whatever it is, and you find food. If you're out of milk, you buy milk. But when we're out of inspiration... we panic. If we're out of motivation, we panic. If we're out of energy, we panic.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
It's like, oh my God, there must be something wrong with me. There's something like that's not working for me. I think it's really important that we learn something every day. The problem is we stop studying the moment we leave school. And we need to learn one insight per day. It could be the tiniest thing someone says to you.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
It could be listening to your podcast right now and you'll take away one insight. It could be learning a new word. It could be anything. Just learning one tiny thing a day changes the brain. It makes you feel like you're moving. You don't feel stuck anymore because you have a new piece of insight. You have a new experience that you can share with someone else.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
And your podcast is going to do that for so many people.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
I think you can literally go, okay, I'm going to learn a new word every day. I'm just going to get ChatGPD to give me a new word every day. Like something unique, something I've never heard before, a word in another language. It can be that simple. For me, I like to just, I mean, I'm lucky. I get to sit down and interview people. So I'm learning stuff all the time.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
And I think anyone who's listening is learning all the time. But it's like, at one point in my life, I listened to Steve Jobs' Stanford commencement speech every day for nine months. And not only did, what a speech. What a speech. One of the best speeches of all time.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
Yeah.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
Don't be trapped by dogma of other people's thinking.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
It's so good.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
At one point in my life, I listened to it every day for nine months. And I promise you, not only did I know the words off by heart, the words started to change my heart and my life. Because you start to live them. Repetition. We're also living at a time where we always want new and fresh. I think there's a power in repetitive insights.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
Sometimes learning the same thing again and again every day lets it drop into your consciousness and all of a sudden you're acting differently.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
It changes you.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
I'm feeling good. We talked about number three, so I won't talk about it too much, but mindfulness or meditation. Yes. Having a check-in with yourself. I always say to people, you schedule meetings with your family, your friends. You never cancel things for your kids. You never ever cancel a meeting with someone else, but you'll never schedule one with yourself. You just don't do it.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
It's not there. And so what I say to people is just at the beginning, at the end of your day, have a meeting with yourself. It could be three minutes, put it in the calendar, three minutes at the start of the day, three minutes at the end, and just check in with yourself at the start and say, what do I need today to make it a great day? Is it a cup of coffee? Is it a great meeting?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
Is it me making sure that I'm prepared for MS podcast? What's the thing that's going to make today great? And at the end of the day, let me just reflect on how my day was and how did it go for me? That's the beginning of meditation.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
If I'm honest, I mean, women are more caring, they're more nurturing.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
They've been programmed to believe that They should be taking care of everyone else. They have the capacity to. So that's their role in society. I think women have been programmed to believe that their worth comes from helping everyone else and not themselves. Their value comes from being there for the village and not themselves. And so a lot of it's programming, conditioning for decades. Yes.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
Where women have had to put themselves- Centuries. Sorry, centuries. No, but absolutely true. Where women have had to put themselves second, third, tenth, even if they're on the list at all. And it's really sad because if you think about it, women have the greatest impact on society. And then when I think about my mom, my mom made me and my sister breakfast, lunch, and dinner fresh every day.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
She dropped me and her to school until I was old enough to take the bus myself. She picked us up from school. When we got home, she did our homework with us. She went out to work in the evenings and then came back. My mom has had more impact on me than any other human on planet earth.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
And because of her sacrifice for me, I feel so in love. But the only thing I would have wanted as a child is for her to do something for her.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
Now, when I think about it... Even at this age, like if I told my mom, mom, fly to LA, I miss you. She'd jump on a plane.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
Life's about two things. I think you're told when you're growing up that life is about checking all these boxes, ticking all these boxes, go to school, get good grades, get a good job, get married, have kids, and then you made it. And I actually think life's about two things. It's about collecting and connecting. What I mean by that is you spend your whole life collecting experiences.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
You hit the nail on the head. It's all about the reframe.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
It's all about the reframe of, am I giving people the best of me or giving them my leftovers? Yeah. And most of us are just giving our leftovers. And by the way, that's not your fault. It's how things have been structured, how society has been conditioned. But if you start investing in yourself, your parents get a better version of you. Your partner gets a better version of you.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
Your kids get a better version of you. Your colleagues get a better version of you. You will give the best version of yourself to everyone if you've done the one thing in your day for three minutes for yourself, whether that's a coffee, watching a video, whatever it be for you.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
Number four is the one we all know, which we've heard a million times, but we don't do it, is exercise.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
There's two things about human psychology that make exercise easier. One is it has to be collaborative and two, it has to be competitive.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
Yeah, so you don't need a real person there. Even if it's an accountability partner, if there's someone else who's waking up in another environment, it could be someone online. Like whenever you're, even if you're posting your scores with your friends and you might not be working out at the same time, but it's collaborating and knowing that other people you love and trust are working out as well.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
It's having that community around you. Yeah.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
Yeah, it's a different definition. When I say collaborative, I don't mean it has to be with someone. Okay. Because that's not possible for a lot of people. When I say collaborative, it means you know other people who have the same goals. You're talking about it. You're texting about it. You're messaging about it. You're connecting about it. And that's important for what reason?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
Well, because you feel like, well, we're both on this journey together. We've both got that goal together. It's the community. We all work better when we feel accountable, even if it's to a friend. That doesn't mean that they're there in the room. It doesn't mean that you've got to be dressed up for your workout at 5.30.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
What it means is me and my friends set a goal and there's a community of us and we're all inspiring each other. Humans work better that way. The second is make it competitive. Humans love winning.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
Humans love winning. You do the 10,000 step contest in your family. Everyone's going to be walking at 9pm trying to get to 10,002. So make it competitive. That's what we've not done with exercise. We've tried to make it routine. We've tried to make it a habit. This stuff gets boring. Competition doesn't get boring.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
So I remember when you came on, we talked about first jobs. My first job was I delivered newspapers and I used to go around pulling my little trolley around the streets in my area and putting newspapers through. It wasn't as glamorous as it is in America where they're like riding on a bike and throwing it. It's raining in London.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
Exactly. So that's how you make it more interesting.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
And then the final one is sleep. And this one is the underestimated one because people just don't realize how much sleep is boosting their life. So those five habits go thankfulness, insight, meditation, exercise, sleep. It spells times, T-I-M-E-S. So you can remember that as always being the five non-negotiables.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
I have left far more, far much more money on the table than for sure. But I don't feel bad about it. And I don't feel like I missed out because the purpose is what makes it meaningful. And actually, I would argue that Nothing can sustain without purpose. Everything that has lasted in the world has had purpose behind it. It's one of the reasons why the world religions have lasted for so long.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
It's why Stoicism has been 2000 years old. It's why the Vedas are 5000 years old. Like what else in the world has lasted a thousand, 2000, 3000 years? It's only things with really deep purpose. So to me, purpose actually is what clarifies your brand. It's what creates who you are and why you're different.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
If you didn't have a purpose and you did just take every deal that came your way and said yes to everything, you actually wouldn't be a well-known brand or entity because then you'd just be what everyone else is. Totally. There's a thing that defines you as being different. That is your purpose. It's your reason for being.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
So I actually think purpose strengthens business and brand versus weakens it because otherwise you're just some homogenous product that could be anything.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
100%. Yeah. That's the biggest question. And I think the problem with that question is, is we think purpose is this one thing that solves everything for us and figures it all out. And to me, purpose is a lot simpler. It's, finding what you're passionate about and using what you're passionate about in the service of others to improve other people's lives.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
You got to go put it through and you're fighting with the dog on the other side. But I learned a lot from that job. All the other kids in my area, they used to go chuck the newspapers on the train track. And so they lost their streets and they got given to me. So I learned, oh, if you work hard, you get a bonus. So I got more streets. I then worked at Morrison's, Walmart.
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Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
I think that is the core value of business. I can't think of a business that exists successfully that hasn't helped people in some way. Whether you like the way it helps people or not is subjective. Totally. You could argue and say, well, this business shouldn't exist, but there are people that buy that product, which means it is useful for those people, whether you think it's useful or not.
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Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
Like this microphone, whoever invented it. It's like to us, it's really important as podcasters, to the average person, they don't need a microphone in their life. So this product has a use. And so I think every business that exists must have and does have a purpose because that is what makes it relevant, accessible and practical for people to use.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
Yes. And this is one of the biggest mistakes we've made in the world of personal growth is we've put pressure on people to say your job should satisfy every part of you. It should make you happy. You should love it. It should be meaningful. Now that's well-intentioned because you spend like nine hours a day at work. You're going to spend a third of your lifetime at work.
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Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
So the truth is you should make it as good as it can be because otherwise you're basically saying I'm okay for a third of my life to not be great. Totally. That's a lot of time. So I would encourage people to do this. There's a beautiful study that Amy Vrzniewski and her team at Yale did. And in 2019, they went out to find what they believed was the most difficult job in the world.
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Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
And mainly in America. So they went out and they were like, what's the most difficult job? So it wasn't what you do. It's not what I do.
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Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
And the most difficult job in the world was to be a hospital cleaner. Because these people have to clean routine. By the way, you just cleaned up and now the toilet's a mess again. Yeah. You just cleaned up and someone's bed's changed again. You clean bedsheets, toilets, plates, et cetera, et cetera. And you have to even clean up after people pass away. So it's a really heavy job too.
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Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
Like I worked at a grocery store. I was stacking shelves, pulling in inventory, putting pallets around in the warehouse. What did I learn there? I learned how merchandise was sold, how it was stacked, how it was put together. Then I was lucky enough to work in retail. I sold denim at River Island and I learned all about- Really like seeing this parallel path for us right now.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
It's a heavy job. So they went and interviewed these hospital cleaners and they asked them, what do you do? Half the hospital cleaners said, we're low skilled labor. We clean plates, toilets, et cetera, in their own words. Then they went and interviewed some other ones and they didn't call themselves cleaners. They called themselves healers and carers and servers.
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Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
These cleaners or healers work the exact same hours. They work the same job. They work the same shift. They worked in the same hospitals with the same people at the same pay, but they were happier and more purposeful. They asked them why they call themselves healers. They said, we believe that a clean hospital is integral to the healing journey of the patient.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
If the hospital is clean, people feel a sense of dignity when they use the toilet. If the hospital is clean, people's family spends more time with them by their bedside when they need it. If the hospital is clean... It's just a nicer atmosphere for someone to be sick in. And I was thinking, wow, like it blows my mind when I share it.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
It literally gives me goosebumps because it's the hardest job in the world, but you've made it make sense for you. Yes. And so what I realized through that is it's not what we do for work. It's how we feel about it. Yes. And that's what Amy Rosniewski and her team, they came up with this term called job crafting. It's not what you do. It's how you feel about the work you do.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
So what I'd encourage people to do, if you hate what you do, you don't like it. By the way, I've been there. You've been there. We've all been there. The best thing to do is ask yourself, what am I going to learn from my next job?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
What can I get passionate and excited about? What passion? Before I was doing this, I was teaching meditation on top of my day job at Accenture. I was in a big corporate company and I was teaching meditation in my evenings, lunchtimes, whatever breaks I had. I didn't get paid for it. It wasn't my job, but I loved it. Bring your passion to work. And do you know what that does?
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Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
It gives you the confidence to build a side hustle. It gives you the confidence to make it your main hustle. It gives you the confidence to go and do it.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
All of the things. So yes, your purpose doesn't have to be your job. But if you can make your job more meaningful, you'll have a better life.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
Absolutely.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
Yeah, and I love what you're saying because your purpose doesn't have to be big. No. Your purpose doesn't have to get you followers. Your purpose doesn't have to make you money. Your purpose can be something that you love doing and you do it and share it with the people you love. For me, it's, so I love football. I'm a huge Manchester United fan.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
And so it's like all you're doing your whole life, I think you think you've got to find this one job that solves everything. It isn't. My job today is a collection and a connection of so many different jobs and roles I've played. And that way, even if you hate your job right now, all you have to say is, what am I collecting here? What's the experience? What's the skill?
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Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
Yeah, it's not a good time. Oh, I'm an Arsenal girl, babe. Oh, you're an Arsenal, yeah. Sorry. Yeah, I grew up right in between Arsenal and Tottenham, but my dad- Oh, you did? As every immigrant Indian who moved to England in the 80s, you either support United or Liverpool. So my dad supported United.
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Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
Yes, I had to go with my dad.
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Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
Yeah, it was a better choice. It was a better choice. I love football. I love playing football. I love talking about football. I can get so into it. For me, it's pickleball is my challenge right now. I love pickleball. I'm playing this weekend. I get hyped about it. Can analyze it all day. My whole TikTok feed is just pickleball clips. And it's something to get excited about.
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Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
That is so disconnected. And me and my friends talk about it all the time. You're not on your phone when you're doing these things. You're not watching something else. You're not distracted. You can only do that thing. When I'm playing pickleball, there's nothing else on my mind. And it's a beautiful thing to get lost in as well.
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Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
Yes You do? Yeah you have to Do you?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
You have to I mean my coaches Get out of it My coaches are definitely My monk teachers Okay Like who I still see So every January I'll go back To the monastery That I used to live at in India No way You do that every January Yeah and Ravi comes with me too No The time has definitely got less When I first left It used to be like a month Every January Three weeks Now it's like 10 days Yeah But for 10 days I go back into monk mode
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Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
And I lock in and I'm just learning from my teachers. I see them as coaches and they're guiding me to deepen my spiritual practice and my meditation. And I find that I make so much progress because of that. Because if you have a coach who doesn't have a coach, then they're not growing either. And that's just the reality of it. It's like, you want to have a teacher who has a teacher.
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Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
You want to have an entrepreneur mentor who has an entrepreneur mentor. And that's how it gets passed down.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
I'm going to give you the honest answer. I grew up in a house that was very angry and very like chaotic. And so I promised myself I would never feel that. And I don't. Anger is not an emotion that I struggle or experience. Do I get frustrated? Do I get annoyed? Do I get struck? Of course I do. I'm human. Like, of course I do.
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Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
The anger thing is just a very separate, you know, a very separate thing. But of course I get annoyed. Do I snap at my wife who I adore? Yes, of course I do. Is she really forgiving and tolerant? Yes, she is. Like, you know, have I been in a mood and a strop and, you know, been irritable and agitated? Of course. Like, yes.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
I grew up in a house where I saw that every day and it was just a promise I made to myself that I couldn't do it because I didn't see value in it. I just didn't see benefit in it. What I'm trying to say is there's a difference between aggression and frustration and stress. I feel lots of frustration and stress. I don't feel aggressive.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
What are your tips? And by the way, of course, and I don't want to, I don't want to D like, I don't want to make it out like I don't get upset. That's not the point. It was the aggression.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
Um, For me, I need, if I'm going through something that feels unfair, if I'm going through something that I don't understand, if I'm going through something tough, I need to switch off all outside noise and be alone. Because my take is if I can't figure out how I feel about it, hearing everyone else's opinions is not going to make me feel better.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
So even if my friend goes, oh, but you're fine, like you're doing great, not going to make me feel better. If my mom says to me, remember how strong you are, not going to make me feel better. I need to go into complete silence, complete isolation and complete seclusion and figure out how I feel about it. That means going to the darkest place in my mind and heart.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
It means feeling the anger and the stress and the pain and the frustration and everything else it is, and then figuring out what I'm going to do about it. And it all has to be on me because that's how I know how to move through tough moments. Then I can go out and say, all right, let's check in with this person, figure it out.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
But I need that complete seclusion of step one, because I think so often we're angry and we talk to someone and you kind of use that as a crutch to get over it, but you haven't processed it. And for me, processing my emotions and my feelings is my number one priority.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
Well, step one is I just feel the pain. I allow myself to feel sad. I allow myself to feel upset. I allow myself to feel stress. I then ask myself the question, is what I'm feeling a fact or a feeling? What is the fact and what's the feeling? I have to get to that point. So after feeling the pain, is it fact or is it feeling? Then I realize if I actually focus on the facts,
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
I'm all of those things.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
it's probably not as bad as I think it is. There's something to be able to, that I can solve here. If it's a feeling, okay, there's something, there's healing required. The second question I ask is, do I need an affirmation or is an action going to solve it? An affirmation could be just, I'm here for a reason. I belong here. I deserve to be here. I'm doing the right thing.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
Sometimes I need to repeat that thought. Sometimes I need to take an action to solve the problem. Or I need to go call that person. I need to go figure that thing out over there. So those two questions save me the stress after I let myself feel the pain. Got it. Is it fact or feeling? Yeah. Let's deal with the facts. Let's not get carried away with the story, right?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
Let's not build a whole story here. Let's not build a narrative that didn't happen. That didn't happen in my head. And second of all, if it's a story, then I need an affirmation. I've got to keep changing the script in my head. I'm here for a reason. I belong here. I deserve this. This is the right thing for me. That's going to solve that.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
And if it's a fact, then only an action can solve a fact, right? You've got to go figure out what the fact is and solve it. And I think too many of us, we don't get into action because we don't focus on what I'm actually feeling. We don't get to the root of it. If you get to the root of it, you know what you need to do.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
Totally. And that's where you have to focus on facts. Because your feelings will always lie to you. Your feelings will lie to you. Your feelings will make stuff up.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
Don't believe everything your mind thinks and don't sign up and think it's the truth. It's going to keep tricking you because your brain is wired to spot the negative and to spot the worst and to spot everything that's going to go that way. So yeah, it's a muscle that you have to train for sure.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
I didn't used to believe it was, but now I believe it's necessary. I don't even know if it's possible, but it's needed. I want the most successful people in the world to be the most purposeful people in the world. That would build a better world. Because otherwise we're seeing unhealthy, unwell people be leaders of the world. And I don't want to live in that world.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
So I don't think it's a choice anymore. I think every one of us who has a purposeful bone in our body has to go and build something and make both work. Because that's what the world needs. The world needs organized people who are heart-centered. The world needs people who are strategic and really sincere and genuine.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
The world needs people who are high performers and highly compassionate and graceful. By the way, you're all those things too. So it's not just about me. I feel that when I'm with you. I feel that with the people you work with. I feel that with friends we have in common. I know plenty of people that I think are wonderful people and operating at a really high level.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
I also know people who are not doing that. And so you get best of both, but you get that everywhere. I just think it's what we need. And I think it's what we need to encourage. I think it's what needs to be taught at business school. I think it's what needs to be taught online.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
Yeah. Yeah, I'd say it's lots of mini steps. And I think I like saying that because I think it also gives people confidence that they can do it. Because I think sometimes we're told, dream big, do big, think big. And I'm like, well, where I grew up, I didn't have anyone thinking big around me. I wasn't surrounded by people who were achieving incredible things.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
Yeah, I think that, I mean, if you look at some of the greatest music artists in the world, their art comes from a really spiritual place. Like the artists I know, like the stuff that moves us, it didn't come from some strategic formulaic algorithm. It moved you because it came from someone's heart. There's a reason why that song made you cry.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
And there's a reason why you wanted a song played at your wedding. There's a reason for that because it brought out real emotion. That didn't come from an algorithm or a formula.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
And so I think we all know that real art, when you see it, when you feel it, like if you think about it, like all of our most special moments happen when we close our eyes, when we pray, when we kiss, when we meditate, when we take something in, like all of that happens in that moment.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
No, you feel it, right?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
Yeah. Like all the most like intimate, like deep felt moments. And there's something powerful about that. And I think that that makes us realize that you can't get an algorithm to do that.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
Right. It has to be human.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
Yeah, and we have to teach people to do that more. I think the reason we haven't taught people is because we do live in a society that only cares about results. But by the way, everyone who's got the results isn't happy. Yeah, we do it the wrong way round. We do it the wrong way round.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
And I think it would slow people down. I mean, there were years in my life where I worked 18 hour days and weekends and, you know, I work harder today than I did 10 years ago. So it's not about hard work and not, I think that has to be there. I think it's the work needs to be infused with a spirit and an energy that is about wanting to do something good or do something great to help people.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
I think that's the goal. It's not complicated. I always say to people, if you're building something that you wouldn't let your kid use, don't build it.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
Everyone was just trying to do their best to get by, including my parents. My parents' annual income together was like 50,000 pounds.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
Don't build it. That's the point. That's the simple test.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
That's the simple test.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
And that's the worrying part.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
And that's the worrying part, right? Because then you're saying I'm happy to exploit other people's children, but not mine.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
And I'm not saying that's not a lot or a little, it's just, that's what it was. And so for me, what it was, was seeing things progress. So at 11 years old, my parents forced me to go to public speaking school because they were so scared I was going to be a shy kid.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
And by the way, and it's really important, no one's doing it perfectly, neither am I. It's a constant balancing act. You're constantly trying to figure it out and figure out, oh, well, where did my intention get messy there? And, oh, maybe I shouldn't have said yes to that. Yeah, totally.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
Oh, no, of course. No, no, so I was actually going to say, that is the work.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
That is the work. The moment you stop questioning... that's when you lost yourself. Like the moment you stop thinking about ego and envy and greed and pride, that's the day it's taken over your life. So for me, that is the daily work. The daily work is actually checking in with your intentions. And I always talk about it as every day I check in and think, am I planting seeds or weeds?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
If I'm planting seeds, they're going to grow beautiful trees that have beautiful flowers and fruits. If I'm planting weeds, that's going to tear down everything I create. And that's something I have to do every day. You've got to unweed your garden weekly, monthly, constantly. You can't just say, I'm going to do it in three years time. And so I think that's a process. And that's what I have to do.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
I think it is actually what ends up happening is you make the mistake, you plant a weed, it destroys all the other garden. You go, oh crap. And that's the reality of moving fast. I'm the same as you. I've made so many mistakes in the last 10 years because we're moving so fast. It wasn't intentional. It wasn't conscious.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
You make them because you're moving and you're moving at the speed of light and the momentum's there and all the rest of it. And I think what we don't realize is that is the only way to grow. That's the work. If you take that out, so you will make mistakes. It's actually looking at those and going, okay, I'm not going to make that twice. Okay, I'm not going to make that three times.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
I'm going to figure that out. And I think that's what I'd focus on. I think this idea, and that's why I keep saying it, I haven't perfected this balance. I just believe it's needed in the world. And I'm almost, the way we'd call it in our philosophy is you're relishing the battle. It's a battle every day.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
It's called the London Academy of Music, Drama and Arts, Lambda. It's brilliant. And I got four, so I would go three hours a day, three days a week for seven years of my life. And so I learned this skill, but I didn't have any use for it. Yeah. But it was interesting. Then obviously I went and lived as a monk for three years. I learned so much Eastern wisdom. I learned meditation.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
It's not something I fought three years ago and I solved. I battle every day with my ego. with my insecurity, with my envy, with my greed. That's a daily battle.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
I don't.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
Well, I think it happens to anyone who does something for the first time.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
If you do anything for the first time, start a business, play tennis, raise a child, whatever it is, you're going to make mistakes because it's the first time you did it. How are you going to get it perfect the first time?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
We're living in a world right now where everyone wants everyone to get everything perfect the first time they do it.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
It's just not possible.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
Even when you walked as a baby, you fell over a million times. And that was just life. And so this want for perfection internally or externally, it just doesn't work. And so, no, I'm definitely not perfect or haven't got the perfect balance. It is me constantly questioning the balance that allows me to try and hold onto it.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
Do you know what it is? I just miss seeing people. You do? Yeah. Because I started my, like I said, I started my career in rooms tinier than this. And I'd sit with people for hours and hours and hours. And when I'm on the road, I get to look in people's eyes. You get to see people smile, cry. You get to hug. Like we're going to 15 cities, 15 surprise guests.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
We're going to do Q&A with the audience. Like these are people who listen to On Purpose every day, every week, every month of every year.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
And people are doing it when they walk their dog or in the kitchen or commuting from work. Imagine we're all going to be in the same space. I think people are going to walk out with new boyfriends, girlfriends, marriages, like...
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
I think of good... connection and even good business as what I heard years ago, this term on a TED talk and it was called mass intimacy. It's this idea of how do you reach people at scale, but then have a really deep, intimate conversation with one person.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
And I think any business, product, service, individual, guide, wisdom, teacher, whatever it may be, we benefit when we can reach a lot of people, but then we reach people really deeply. And I think that's why brands do pop-ups, right? It's like, why is a brand doing a pop-up? Like, what's the point of it?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
It's because you want to meet people in person, the people who actually care about what you do. And you want to give them a hug and you want to look them in the eye and say, thank you. And so to me, it's that anything that's successful, powerful in the world has the ability to scale and the ability to go deep. You want to be mass and you want to be intimate.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
And if you can't, and this is what it comes back to, everything we've been talking about, everything has to be opposites.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
So I started to share what I'd learned. Then as I started to share what I'd learned, I was doing talks in rooms, probably quarter of the size of this. Zero people turned up, five people turned up. And I started to think, well, maybe I need to do something online because maybe 50 people will show up.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
There has to be strategy and sincerity. There has to be art and there has to be action. It's all about embracing polarities. And if you don't embrace these opposites and you think you have to choose, you actually miss out on an experience. I went on tour two years ago. I did 40 cities across the world I got so much out of that from the tour that I would never get from staring into a camera.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
The first thing I do is wonder what time my wife woke up. Because she always wakes up earlier than me to meditate. She does. And I was walking to our meditation room going, what time did you wake up? She's like an hour ago. I'm like.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
Same. Yeah.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
She wakes up at five. Yeah. That's the first thing I do is think about what time my wife woke up.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
Tell my wife I love her. Yeah, I love telling her. She's always just like.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
I don't know about that.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
She's so beautiful.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
No, no, that's true story. Yeah, the first time she met me, she was like, oh, whatever. Really?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
Oh, well, she grew to love you. Oh, the moment I saw her, I was... Yeah, exactly.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
Oh, I love that. I'm currently aspiring to study new models of business that haven't even been invented yet. I'm so fascinated by how the models that were successful in the last 25 years, where Facebook, the biggest content company, didn't make content. Uber, the biggest taxi company, didn't own any taxis. Like that idea was so of the business of last 25 years. Totally.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
I want to know what that next is.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
Oh, I'm aspiring for... That's a great question. What am I aspiring for right now in my personal life? It tells you how much I think about work too. I think it's making sure that the people who are getting older in my life really know how much they're loved because that's the reality of love and connection is that at some point you're going to have to say goodbye to the people you love.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
So for me, it was this incremental process of following my heart, following my passion and skill in that tiny moment. And then more becomes unfolded. And I think that's what life's like. Like when you look up a mountain, if you've ever gone on a long hike, I was in Bhutan last year and we're hiking up to this place called the Tiger's Nest. It feels like something out of Black Panther.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
And as someone who doesn't want to die with any regrets, I'm constantly thinking about how do I make sure that all the people that are aging in my life know how valuable they are, what an impact they had, that I make time for them. It's so easy to not make time for people as they age, or they're maybe not as fun or mobile or active or whatever it may be,
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
And making time for that and giving energy to that person who gave you so much. That's a big thing I'm aspiring for because yeah, when you're on a rocket ship, it's hard to be present in that way, especially with someone you don't live with. And so I think, yeah, that's probably the thing I'm missing.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
Oh, okay. There's so many good ones.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
I'm going to give one that I don't think any guest will ever give. That's why I'll give it. It's the Bhagavad Gita, which is the wisdom book of the East. It's 5,000 years old, 700 verses. But the most important part of it is it's a conversation between God and the most talented archer in the world. So the most talented archer in the world is about to go to battle, but he's doubting himself.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
He's feeling anxious. He's feeling insecure. His bow's slipping from his hand. He doesn't know if he can shoot an arrow in this battle because he's confused about whether it should take place and whether he should be the one fighting. And it's a conversation between God and this archer. And it literally depicts all of the anxiety, the stress, this self-doubt that we feel
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
And the divinity or God is talking directly to the archer in how to rebuild his confidence, how to find real worth, what it really means to live a life of value and purpose. And it's spectacular. And it's on the edge of a battle, which I think so many people feel like we're at now constantly.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
And God speaking directly to someone who's really talented, really gifted, but has forgotten that they are. And I think that's true for so many of us. So it's my favorite book.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
Oh, wow. That's such a great question. Did I ask you this? No, I don't know. Yeah, that's a good question. What did I used to value at the start of my life?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
Okay. I used to value people around me that were close to me, really understanding what I was trying to do. And now I'm okay being misunderstood. I'm okay accepting that sometimes I have to do things that people around me don't understand because it's really hard for people to understand themselves, let alone understand someone else.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
And usually when you're doing something new and fresh and different, people won't understand you. And if you do what they want you to do, they'll misunderstand you. If you do what you want to do, they'll misunderstand you. If you do nothing, they'll misunderstand you. If you do something, they'll misunderstand you. So people are going to misunderstand you no matter what you do.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
So you might as well do something you love. And I think for me, I used to really value at the beginning of my career that people really understood me and understood my purpose and saw it. And now I'm just like... I've got to see it because no one else can. And I can't for anyone else.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
There's a monastery on the edge of a cliff. Totally. And when you look up and they tell you it's three hours to get up there, did I know every twist and turn? Did I know every peak and trough and valley? No. All I knew is I was trying to get there. This time I'd say I didn't even know three steps in front of me.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
Even if I love someone really deeply, it's really hard to see and fully understand them because you're the only one who's lived through the struggle, the stress, the pain, the trauma, the moments you were crying. And you can explain that to your best friend and your best friend can empathize, but they can't really understand it just as you can't for them.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
So it's too much pressure to put onto people. Yeah.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
I don't get it.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
yeah, just don't put pressure on that person and you'll have a better relationship with them and move on with your thing. Yeah. Stop, stop trying to be missed. Stop trying to be understood.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
You'll sort it out in the edit. Yeah, yeah.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
I don't think I valued how people have such different values. And what I mean by that is when I married my wife, we literally moved to New York three months after we got married because I got a job offer, the job offer of my dreams. And to me, I was like, we're moving to New York. We're in our late twenties. Like this is like the coolest thing ever. And for my wife, it was, New York was hell.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
You know, she wanted to be with her family. And in the beginning, I didn't get that. I was just kind of like, that's cool. But look at this life we're building. And we weren't successful or we didn't have a lot, but it was cool to be in New York in our late twenties. And I think over time, it made me realize just how you can't make someone value what you value.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
You can only respect their values and they can respect yours. And I think over time I learned to respect that what made my wife special was her relationship with her parents. And that I didn't have to build something to compete with that. I didn't have to win the value war.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
And it just unfolded. Yeah. That's my reality. That's real for me.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
I had to just let her be that person because that's what makes her beautiful and bubbly and wonderful is this amazing relationship she has with her family. And what makes me who I am is my purpose and my mission and everything that I'm building. That's what makes me lovable. And so if she also tries to change me, it wouldn't work.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
And so I think I didn't realize the value of people's values back then And now I deeply, deeply understand that you can't change someone's values. You can't make their values your values. You can't even change yours. And it's better to help someone chase their goals and protect their values than it is to try and get them to change over to yours. And so that is something that I deeply value now.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
I see why it's so important to follow their truth and their calling and their value because that's what makes them lovable and who they are. If you take that away from them, you wouldn't love them anymore.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
We'll talk about it offline. Yeah.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
You're one of the most infectious energy people I've ever met. And we hit it off immediately since day one. So whether I see you at a conference or an event or whatever it is, it's just, you have the best energy. I couldn't not. And I love what you stand for.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
Anytime.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
Anytime. Anytime. Thank you. I love you. I love seeing you. Thank you, darling.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
Yeah, it changed. So it switched. As soon as my life gained momentum and momentum, something I think you can't manufacture.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
And when you get momentum, ever since I got that, which was nine years ago now, I promised myself I would never take my foot off the gas.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
I never believed this would happen to someone like me. I never thought this was real. From this day forth, I'm going to be really focused. I'm going to be really strategic and I'm going to be really organized. And I think that's the path it took. So now I dream bigger than I ever have. I'm very clear on what our goals are. I'm very clear and focused on everything.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
Emma, it's so good to see you.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
But that comes from the confidence you get unfold.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
Congratulations, first of all. I can't believe we're in this beautiful studio. It's amazing. And when you came on the show, honestly, I want you to know my community and audience
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
That's so sweet. And no, that really means so much to me because I feel so seen right now by you. And I realized I had to give myself permission for that. Absolutely. Because in the beginning, I thought I had to just be this and just be that. So to your point, I had a really amazing conversation where for me, what switched and what changed for me in allowing myself to be all of that
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
was me saying, I cannot believe that I'm going to limit myself. There was this amazing quote from Martin Luther King. He said, people who love peace need to learn to organize themselves as well as those who love war. And if you think about that for a second, everyone who wants to tear the world down is organized, strategic, and focused.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
Because you're basically losing the battle just from the get-go. So for me, if I really want to spread wellness at the pace people want entertainment, if I really want to make wisdom go viral, I have to be sincere and strategic. I have to be purposeful and passionate. I have to be affectionate and affirmative. I've got to be both. I can't choose and say, I'm just going to be this soft,
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
I'm going to sit on the mountain top and hope that this reaches the rest of the world. It's not going to happen. And so that quote means a lot to me because the fact that Martin Luther King had to organize around love, had to organize around community, it wasn't good enough to say, oh, we all love each other. We should just be kind. It doesn't work that way.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
I think a big part of that was the monk training because the point of monk training is you are where your feet are. So you're actually present. So if I'm actually where my feet are right now, that means I'm right here. That means I'm listening. It means I'm present. It means I'm conscious, which allows me to be effective in the moment. You can't be attentive when you want.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
and then not be attentive on the other side. So if people say, I want to be present on my vacation, but I want to be absent at work. It doesn't work because it bleeds. Inattention bleeds into everything. So you can't choose when to be present and absent. So I've got to be present. So if I'm present with you, I'll be present on the weekend.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
I'll be present on holiday and I'll be present in my workplace. If I'm absent with you, that's what leaks and that's what bleeds. And so you have to practice presence or absence.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
First of all, being a mom is harder than being a meditator. So I'm just going to put that out there. Let's just be really realistic about that first of all, right? So I don't have that. But first of all, I think it's a practice that starts at 10 minutes. And I've been meditating now for nearly two decades. Wow. For 90 minutes. But I've started very, very early in my life at 10 minutes.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
It's not something you get to. The second thing I'll say is 90 minutes is a commitment in my path where if I want to teach, I have to meditate that much. because I want to be a teacher. So I always say, you want your personal trainer to have six pack abs, right? So you want your trainer to work out more than you do. I'm a trainer. I've got to work out more than the person.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
So I don't think 90 minutes is something we should start saying everyone needs to do, just as not everyone needs to do 3000 crunches like Cristiano Ronaldo or whatever it is. So I think doing 10 or 20 minutes is beautiful. I think doing five minutes is beautiful. And the way you get to it is you start to see the value and the benefit.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
And I want to make it really, really simple for people. If someone struggles with meditation and they don't even know where to find five minutes in their day, this is what you do whenever you walk into a room, whether you wake up, when you're moving in meetings, it's called the 5-4-3-2-1 technique. I love it. All you have to do is you look at five things around you.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
So when I walked in here, I noticed the beautiful chic backdrop that you have. I noticed the beautiful gloss that you have on the name of the podcast. I noticed the table. I'm noticing shapes, shades, colors, five things I can see. Then four things I can touch. I sat down and I touched the chair. It's different from the touch of the chair that we're sitting on, the arms and the chair.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
Touching my clothes, touching my hands, we gave each other a hug. I'm now present through touch. Three things I can hear. There's some white noise, sound of your wonderful voice. There's your team members that greeted me so wonderfully. I can hear three things. Two things I can smell. Probably been wearing too much cologne. Your beautiful perfume. Maybe nothing at all. Maybe I can't.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
And then one thing I can taste. Maybe it's the mint I just had before I walked in. As soon as you focus on the five things you can see, the four things you can touch, the three things you can hear, the two things you can smell, and the one thing you can taste, you are where your feet are. You're really present. And that process becomes quicker, but we just did it in literally 30 seconds.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
Oh, that's a great question. And I'd say that some of this stuff is stuff I've implemented in corporations. When I work with my corporate clients, I've instilled this idea of if everyone took a breath for three minutes at the beginning of a meeting. Just a breath. Just a breath, just three breaths. You won't be carrying the baggage from your last meeting into the next one.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
Most of us walk into a new meeting and we're still thinking about what happened in the last meeting. Facts, especially if they know it's you. Sorry?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
Yeah, exactly. And you haven't had a second to decompress. You haven't had a second to think about it. All of a sudden, your manager in this meeting is going, what about this, this, this, this, this? And you haven't even decompressed. If you just took three breaths at the start of that meeting, all of a sudden you've paused, you've calmed the energy, and now you can actually be present.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
But going back to the non-negotiables, there's five habits that I believe are non-negotiable for high performers when it comes to high wellness. And if you look at the top athletes in the world, the top musicians, the top business performers, 80 to 90% of them practice these five habits. So these are also scientifically proven, but they're practically there.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Karlie Kloss: How To Turn Principles Into Power Plays
Today on the Aspire podcast, I'm sitting down with my friend Carly Kloss. And let me just say, this conversation is going to be so good. Carly's having baby number three. She's running companies, investing in brands she believes in, and she is shaking up the publishing world. And yet somehow she's doing it all with the most grounded, no BS energy you can imagine.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Karlie Kloss: How To Turn Principles Into Power Plays
kill to be a Victoria's Secret model but you walked away from that and so I wonder like what the decision was to just decide like that's the end of that part of my career yeah I think I was maybe 23 it's all such a blur but I
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Karlie Kloss: How To Turn Principles Into Power Plays
Carly, welcome to Aspire. I'm so happy to have you here today.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Karlie Kloss: How To Turn Principles Into Power Plays
How do I feel? I really think so. And the idea that you would, I mean, first of all, to leave the Victoria's Secret runway to then go and study what feminist theory at NYU.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Karlie Kloss: How To Turn Principles Into Power Plays
And I'm glad I did it. Was there a moment that you can trace it back to when you're like, this is the moment that you decide I need to do something else?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Karlie Kloss: How To Turn Principles Into Power Plays
Well, likewise, my darling, but first things first, you're having a little baby, number three.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Karlie Kloss: How To Turn Principles Into Power Plays
I was baking cookies. You weren't taking shots at the end of the shoot.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Karlie Kloss: How To Turn Principles Into Power Plays
all the cookies.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Karlie Kloss: How To Turn Principles Into Power Plays
so much power in everything that you were putting out into the world. And it seems like there's this moment that you all of a sudden say, okay, like I get it. I understand my power and I'm going to do something else and I'm going to leverage it in a different way.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Karlie Kloss: How To Turn Principles Into Power Plays
And I think fast forward into Code with Klossy, like that for me was the moment where I was like, oh, okay, one second, because I can understand that you were, you know, like to me, you know, the cookies felt like a little project and it felt like it was an add-on. And when I saw Code with Klossy, I was like, oh, this is really purposeful. This goes on a mission. to change things.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Karlie Kloss: How To Turn Principles Into Power Plays
And she's really using her power for good. So talk to me a little bit about Code with Klossy and how you even decided to get into tech, because it feels, it feels like that was just like a, you were really early in that space.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Karlie Kloss: How To Turn Principles Into Power Plays
I completely, first of all, I completely forgot about it. Maybe because when I got the product, it was completely irrelevant to me. It was like your whole body. I could have made two pairs of jeans out of the one pair. It's true.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Karlie Kloss: How To Turn Principles Into Power Plays
But no, it was niche, but there was a need. right because all of a sudden it was like okay we all know you for being incredibly tall and that was a real moment like it was you were like the model doing that thing it was like your own collection you had clearly had a lot of input in this thing and it was like okay I'm going to I'm going to do my own product.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Karlie Kloss: How To Turn Principles Into Power Plays
Three under five.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Karlie Kloss: How To Turn Principles Into Power Plays
Are you kidding me?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Karlie Kloss: How To Turn Principles Into Power Plays
You should be so excited. So I kind of want to start there because, you know, you're about to have three children. I have four children and you're doing so much all the time. I'm really curious how you think about, you know, I really loathe the word balance when we start talking about motherhood, given everything that we do.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Karlie Kloss: How To Turn Principles Into Power Plays
It was. And I remember it because it was really differentiated from what was happening like back then. We take these things for granted now, but it wasn't run of the mill at that time. I'm imagining that your agent would have done the deal for you. Did you have any part in that? Like thinking, I usually get paid a big fat, you know, upfront fee, but this, that was different, right?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Karlie Kloss: How To Turn Principles Into Power Plays
Because they were selling using your name image and like this. Do you remember what the deal looked like? Or did you say, you know... Your husband can pull up the contract, I'm sure. I remember it because I was the celebrity deal guru back then. And I was like, I'll do this deal for you guys. So I should have called you and said, can you represent me?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Karlie Kloss: How To Turn Principles Into Power Plays
Yeah, you got like a royalty. A royalty.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Karlie Kloss: How To Turn Principles Into Power Plays
And making some money at the same time. And making some money. That's never hurts. I mean, it never hurts. I want to talk to you a little bit about your relationship with money because you obviously started making quite meaningful money much earlier than most of us were. When I was 15, I was making paper route money.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Karlie Kloss: How To Turn Principles Into Power Plays
Wow, what a full circle moment. Very full circle. How baller did you feel then?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Karlie Kloss: How To Turn Principles Into Power Plays
Yeah, I feel like when you get to the point where you can buy your mom a house, it's like, I'm good. I'm done.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Karlie Kloss: How To Turn Principles Into Power Plays
But I wonder, like, do you have, like, just how are you feeling about the whole thing? How are you feeling about doing everything that you do while, you know, trying to be here with three kids?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Karlie Kloss: How To Turn Principles Into Power Plays
How'd you grow up? Did you grow up with money?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Karlie Kloss: How To Turn Principles Into Power Plays
But you didn't want for anything.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Karlie Kloss: How To Turn Principles Into Power Plays
I love that. And I can see that how important that would have been because it's like when you come from that type of family that have raised you in that way that you feel so secure, you want to be able to help them, right? And to be in the position when you're 15, it's so extraordinary that you'd even be there.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Karlie Kloss: How To Turn Principles Into Power Plays
Just to fast forward and thinking about your own family life, because I think about this all the time. I'm raising kids. in a very different way and in very different circumstances to how I was raised myself.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Karlie Kloss: How To Turn Principles Into Power Plays
And I wonder how you think about your own children and your relationship to money these days when you've made a lot of money, you're incredibly successful, you married a very successful man and, you know, you're raising three children, not in a small town in Missouri anymore. Yeah.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Karlie Kloss: How To Turn Principles Into Power Plays
No, no, no. Let's be serious.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Karlie Kloss: How To Turn Principles Into Power Plays
Yeah. And I think your kids will feel that because you're modeling that for them. Yeah. excuse the pun, every single day, right? It's like, I met your two sisters last night. And it's like, I think that when you have that type of family, that type of closeness and those type of, you know, roots to where you come from, like that comes through every day.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Karlie Kloss: How To Turn Principles Into Power Plays
And that's what your kids are experiencing, right? They get the other side, but they also see that of you. And it's like, you are going out and creating this incredible path for yourself every single day.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Karlie Kloss: How To Turn Principles Into Power Plays
Will I bring mine with me? You know, that's my thing. Well, my big secret is that I, you know, I like... I think it becomes really abstract for them, right? I try to bring them into the office and I have that type of office where I can do that. And so my kids actually getting to see like, this is what mommy does for work. Like she's here, just contextualizing it for them somehow.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Karlie Kloss: How To Turn Principles Into Power Plays
They start to think about you in a very, very different way. You're not just their mom that does all of these things that they need. Like you, they're a need, like other people need something from you. There's a requirement of you in other places. And I think they start to like, you know, yours are really little, but mine at 11 and eight and not the babies who are three.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Karlie Kloss: How To Turn Principles Into Power Plays
But they've started to get an idea that, I have other ambitions and there are other needs that have to be satisfied and other people that need me outside of them. And I think it's actually been a really useful thing.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Karlie Kloss: How To Turn Principles Into Power Plays
I think that's so sensible because I do think you get to a point, especially when you start work at such a young age and you have a little bit of success, you get swept up by it. And I think if we're honest at any
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Karlie Kloss: How To Turn Principles Into Power Plays
one point there becomes a point in your career when you're like wow I'm doing a bunch of things that actually no longer serve me and I try to make a point of every I don't know I feel like every year I'm like okay what am I what has now taken hold of me that I don't need anymore I'm just going like I don't need that I need to just shed as opposed to just like you know because you get to the point where you're like am I just doing a bunch of things that I no longer want to be doing
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Karlie Kloss: How To Turn Principles Into Power Plays
Especially when you're a parent, right? Because you're sacrificing, you're giving your time somewhere else and it better bloody be worth it.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Karlie Kloss: How To Turn Principles Into Power Plays
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Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Karlie Kloss: How To Turn Principles Into Power Plays
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Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Karlie Kloss: How To Turn Principles Into Power Plays
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Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Karlie Kloss: How To Turn Principles Into Power Plays
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Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Karlie Kloss: How To Turn Principles Into Power Plays
Visit www.highbobby.com for more details. That's H-I-B-O-B-B-I-E.com. When I think about Code with Glossy, I really mean it. When you started that back in 2015, I was like, wow, like what a bold move. There's so few women in tech. We all know the kind of abysmal stats.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Karlie Kloss: How To Turn Principles Into Power Plays
And as you start to think about AI and how few women are actually engaged in AI at the moment, what you're doing for me feels amazing. even more relevant. So where are you? Because you've been doing this for a really long time. We're talking about 10 years and that's such a commitment to the cause, but you've also probably had like some results I'm thinking by now. So I'd love you to share.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Karlie Kloss: How To Turn Principles Into Power Plays
Well, that was your enabler, right? Absolutely.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Karlie Kloss: How To Turn Principles Into Power Plays
Just give me an idea. What did you know at that point? Did you know beyond like using a phone and a laptop like the rest of us? Did you have like an engineering background? Did you know someone who was a coder? Not at all. No.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Karlie Kloss: How To Turn Principles Into Power Plays
I forget that. I mean, I guess by association with Josh, you are often around some of the best entrepreneurs of our time. So you were hearing conversations. No, no, I was deeply knowing these people. I love that. Oh yeah. I'm like, you know me, Emma. I'm in it. I'm going to that meeting.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Karlie Kloss: How To Turn Principles Into Power Plays
And if you didn't, you were left out and left behind. Exactly.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Karlie Kloss: How To Turn Principles Into Power Plays
What do you say about the four daughter? On the four daughter thing too, it really does something to you. It does.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Karlie Kloss: How To Turn Principles Into Power Plays
Yeah. What gives for you? What are the, because I always talk about this idea of there just being inevitable trade-offs. And I agree with you because I think you are forced to prioritize. And for me, that makes actually your work, like you get really sharp, right? There's no time wasted, but I wonder for you, what are the trade-offs?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Karlie Kloss: How To Turn Principles Into Power Plays
And was your idea at that point, like I'm going to start a business. I'm going to be like one of these founders that I'm meeting.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Karlie Kloss: How To Turn Principles Into Power Plays
I love that about you, Carly, because I feel like even at that point, you were so young. It's such an interesting thing that that's, you know, because again, I'm very opportunistic. I could have probably gone to that class and been like, I'm going to figure out how to build a website and I'm going to take all this information for myself.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Karlie Kloss: How To Turn Principles Into Power Plays
But even at that point, you're sitting there going, I've had this incredible experience. There's very few women involved and I'm going to take what I've earned and put 21 kids through the same course.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Karlie Kloss: How To Turn Principles Into Power Plays
It's meaningful, for sure. It's a meaningful donation. For sure.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Karlie Kloss: How To Turn Principles Into Power Plays
I'm going to help a couple of girls out.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Karlie Kloss: How To Turn Principles Into Power Plays
And how did you decide who would get into the program? Because I love that it was like, it's really for kids, right? It's 13 to 18. So how did you even piece that together? Because I think so many people that listen to this show particularly love the idea of starting a business or having a pivot. And I feel like you've done so much of that throughout your career.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Karlie Kloss: How To Turn Principles Into Power Plays
And it really seems to have come from a really genuine place. But there's also a reality of that, right? You get thousands of submissions coming through Instagram. Now, what did you do to organize yourself?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Karlie Kloss: How To Turn Principles Into Power Plays
That's so impressive. What are those women going on to do? Like, do you keep in touch? Do you have any idea what type of careers and opportunities they're getting? That's kind of, I guess, because the interest starts here, right? If you're a 13 year old taking this, it's like your interest is peaked. You have some skills and you're like, okay, what's next?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Karlie Kloss: How To Turn Principles Into Power Plays
of women that are going to have the skills for the next generation of opportunity that's coming up. And I think it's just so much, the kind of cost of entry is just so different when you're a woman, the understanding and how we learn is so different. So I find it so impressive that you're doing this and you've been doing it for so long. You were really early.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Karlie Kloss: How To Turn Principles Into Power Plays
We talk money, mindset, and what to do when you're feeling underestimated. We also get into mum life, mum guilt, career pivots, making bold moves and what it really takes to go from being the face of a brand to building your own empire. Carly is thoughtful, honest and so much more than just a pretty face. So let's get into it.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Karlie Kloss: How To Turn Principles Into Power Plays
It's just the modern day leadership skills. But it's impressive to me because I feel like the idea that you've been doing this for so long and you're actually thinking about the next evolution of it. And I imagine that through that journey and supporting so many women...
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Karlie Kloss: How To Turn Principles Into Power Plays
because you also, obviously you're an investor and you have a fund and you're investing in a lot of women, but it's kind of like these, there's like these kind of parallel tracks in what you do, right? It's like, you start really young.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Karlie Kloss: How To Turn Principles Into Power Plays
You're actually putting your money where your mouth is when it comes to supporting females in business and, you know, closing that gap and making sure that there's this, you know, pipeline of incredible talent that can go and lead some of these female founded businesses is going to be really important.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Karlie Kloss: How To Turn Principles Into Power Plays
So what I'm just trying to understand, is there a link between Code With Klossy and what you're doing as you think about supporting female founders? Do you think about it as almost like one of the same things? Because you've got, your mission is like, to me, becoming so, so crystallized and so clear in terms of what you care about and where you're putting your energy.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Karlie Kloss: How To Turn Principles Into Power Plays
I remember it. It's the tampons and sanitary products. Exactly.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Karlie Kloss: How To Turn Principles Into Power Plays
There is this mentality that everyone should be a founder and you instead, I mean, because arguably you have started a lot of things, but it's interesting that you decided I'm going to take my money and put it into other founders. I'm going to empower other people to do that are being able to execute these businesses. what do you think that you've learned from investing in women particularly?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Karlie Kloss: How To Turn Principles Into Power Plays
What do you think you've learned about starting businesses and running businesses that's been useful?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Karlie Kloss: How To Turn Principles Into Power Plays
Yeah. I really love that you're so honest about that though, because I feel for so many people, like you imagine that there's this, you know, magical formula and you're going to have some perfect way of figuring this all out. But the idea that you say, I'm still working on it. I'm still figuring it out. I think that's really truthful and really real.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Karlie Kloss: How To Turn Principles Into Power Plays
You know, I think what I've realized so much about you, Carly, is that you're such a principled woman, right? It's like you really lead with your heart, but I feel like your background, where you come from, your principles are so really like incredibly clear.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Karlie Kloss: How To Turn Principles Into Power Plays
And I think it's interesting because I think for myself, the way I do business, the way I go about my every day is really based on these, these, things that guide me, right? It's like the things that made me that, yeah. And it really is. It's embedded into every decision I make.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Karlie Kloss: How To Turn Principles Into Power Plays
And so when you think about your principles and what guides you and guides what you want to do, they're like a set of things that you're thinking about because there's clearly no accident. When I look at your portfolio of brands, you know, it really is all about, you know, female investors. It's about things that make sense for mums or the environment. But, you know, inherently...
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Karlie Kloss: How To Turn Principles Into Power Plays
good brands that are doing good for the world. That must have been purposeful for you.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Karlie Kloss: How To Turn Principles Into Power Plays
You have been incredibly vocal about your views on reproductive freedom and what's happening. And of course, last night, you and I co-hosted a dinner. I know that this is a cause that's really close to your heart. I don't know that I've ever had the conversation in the way that we had it last night, not just because of the experience and the expertise that you brought around the table, but
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Karlie Kloss: How To Turn Principles Into Power Plays
And I find it so amazing that with baby number three on the way that you are so ambitious and that you do have So many incredible things still. you know, going on because you have been doing this for like a long time. You've been in the limelight for a long time.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Karlie Kloss: How To Turn Principles Into Power Plays
but just the level of honesty and the sheer feeling of the kind of relentless like attack that I think is happening right now. And I'm just very interested at why you would weigh in on such a contentious issue. Now I know that I feel all women should feel as passionate as we do, but I do think that when you're as high profile as you are, it's a choice to speak about it or not.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Karlie Kloss: How To Turn Principles Into Power Plays
And I just would love to ask you that question of why you've come into this issue so heavily in the way that you have.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Karlie Kloss: How To Turn Principles Into Power Plays
Well, I'm so unbelievably grateful to you for keeping the conversation going, but also for continuing to really educate people because I really believe so strongly that there is so much misinformation out there and so much that we are kind of being fed that is just completely incorrect. And so it's really, really important that we don't just think about this as something that has happened to us.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Karlie Kloss: How To Turn Principles Into Power Plays
It's a fight and it's a reason for, I think, so many women to be energized around a cause that affects us So I'm actually just so incredibly grateful, not just to you raising the awareness, but also as usual, Carly Class, putting your money where your mouth is. So kudos to you.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Karlie Kloss: How To Turn Principles Into Power Plays
And one thing that I'm totally fascinated about, and I really must ask you about it, because you've recently, you know, acquired, and I agree. I love this.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Karlie Kloss: How To Turn Principles Into Power Plays
Acquired, because it just makes me so, so happy for you. But you are one of very few women that is really like in the publishing space. You acquired ID Magazine. You acquired Life Magazine. I think you're part of a consortium of people that acquired W as well.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Karlie Kloss: How To Turn Principles Into Power Plays
And it just is so interesting to me because I'm like, why the rest of the world is like, magazines are dead. We're all moving on. All of the sudden, Carly Class is like, I'm going to start a publishing empire, which is also a very, very, very male-dominated space. For sure. Is there like a big grand plan? What are you thinking about? Like, why? Totally. Why and what are you doing?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Karlie Kloss: How To Turn Principles Into Power Plays
First of all, I'm like, there's no one who likes magazines more than me. I will tell you right now, the minute people started shutting down magazines, I was like crying and mourning everyone. So I feel like this is such an interesting space for you to be getting into. Yeah.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Karlie Kloss: How To Turn Principles Into Power Plays
And I, I mean, I grew up like reading that magazine, buying that magazine, obsessing, like obsessing over the covers. And the first 20 pages of that magazine would be like
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Karlie Kloss: How To Turn Principles Into Power Plays
eating like like a culture soup you'd be like what do I need to wear what do I need to buy where do I need to go like it was so rich with information in a time when information wasn't so easy to come by but you know such specificity you were like like I am I'm gonna be called just like by virtue of reading this so I think that you're absolutely right and exposing your identity
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Karlie Kloss: How To Turn Principles Into Power Plays
This is what I need to know. I'm like, what are you doing? I'm so nosy.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Karlie Kloss: How To Turn Principles Into Power Plays
So were you really thinking about these brands in a much more 360 way? You're thinking through the event lens, the digital lens, experiential.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Karlie Kloss: How To Turn Principles Into Power Plays
How important is that choice because I talk about this with my friends all the time like when you choose your person... I'm literally crying. No, I love that you're literally crying and that's a great place to start because I do... I talk about it so much that the person you decide to spend your life with and have children with...
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Karlie Kloss: How To Turn Principles Into Power Plays
It's like, yeah, it's like one way of hitting.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Karlie Kloss: How To Turn Principles Into Power Plays
And then life. That was like to me, like I got it. I was like, you know, fashion, W, ID. And then I was like, whoops, skeet skirt around the court, life. That was like genius to me. That was really all Josh. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Karlie Kloss: How To Turn Principles Into Power Plays
Every day. This is the first time that we are working together. Well if I look at that it's like… possibly a partnership made in heaven. Because knowing the both of you, you both have very, very different skills and yet intrinsically the same values. So to me, it's like, I'll bet on that partnership. Let me tell you.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Karlie Kloss: How To Turn Principles Into Power Plays
I will be watching this space. You have no idea. And I wonder if there have been times, I mean, I don't know what fool would do this, but do you feel like you've ever been underestimated? Because you sit, as you sit and talk right now, I mean, you are beyond impressive. Like what you're doing has so much gravitas, so much meaning, but there's so much heart in it.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Karlie Kloss: How To Turn Principles Into Power Plays
And I really admire someone that's able to fuse all of those things and be thinking about sort of, you know, breathing life into these like new brands and creating completely new businesses that don't exist. And so I certainly wouldn't be one of the people. But have you been underestimated in the past?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Karlie Kloss: How To Turn Principles Into Power Plays
when you are also trying to balance that with having a career, it ends up being a really big decision.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Karlie Kloss: How To Turn Principles Into Power Plays
I didn't really get you to say that, but I'm so glad you heard it. You have to give zero fucks because all of the things you're doing, like, why would you? It's really, really unbelievable. What kind of lessons do you, like, I just feel like you're clearly kind of out here doing what you need to do on your own terms. And I think it's so difficult for so many people to reach that point
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Karlie Kloss: How To Turn Principles Into Power Plays
where they feel like they get there and that that's a choice for them. So I just wonder what, over the last 15 years of you being, you know, out here, walking the walk, talking the talk, getting to this point in your career, what have you learned?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Karlie Kloss: How To Turn Principles Into Power Plays
Right? They can add so much to it, but they can also, I think with so many of my friends, the person that they feel gilded by the most is often their husband. And I have the opposite situation. I have someone who's like, go for it, like really believes in my ambition and has really kind of lifted me up in that way.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Karlie Kloss: How To Turn Principles Into Power Plays
It's a really solid piece of advice. I have a little rapid fire for you now, my darling. Yes, I love it. All right. Okay. What is the first thing you do when you wake up in the morning?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Karlie Kloss: How To Turn Principles Into Power Plays
Yeah. I think that's a good one. Um, the last thing you do before you go to bed?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Karlie Kloss: How To Turn Principles Into Power Plays
What are you currently aspiring for in your business life?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Karlie Kloss: How To Turn Principles Into Power Plays
Yeah. What are you aspiring for in your personal life?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Karlie Kloss: How To Turn Principles Into Power Plays
They literally might as well be in college.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Karlie Kloss: How To Turn Principles Into Power Plays
So just being as present in this moment as possible. No, I feel like that's just a great point of view for anyone with kids or without kids. Be present. What is a book that's changed your life?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Karlie Kloss: How To Turn Principles Into Power Plays
That's one that everyone, everyone should read. I can highly recommend it. Fantastic, like gut-wrenching, but also a must read, I would say. What's something that you value now that you didn't back then?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Karlie Kloss: How To Turn Principles Into Power Plays
Do you feel like that was a conscious choice for you? Like when you were like early in the, like, you know, dating Josh, did you know that he was supportive of your ambition? Did you even think about it?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Karlie Kloss: How To Turn Principles Into Power Plays
Now you're on time. Yes. Time becomes very precious. Oh my God. Yes, it does. The older we get, the older we get. Thank you for being here today. Thank you for the chats and the honesty. And honestly, I'm like, I'm so happy for you. I'm so proud of you. I'm so like, I'm like... Team Carly all the way. I'm like, yes, you're amazing. Everything you're doing is so, so unbelievably impressive.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Karlie Kloss: How To Turn Principles Into Power Plays
Good for you, babe.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Karlie Kloss: How To Turn Principles Into Power Plays
You're a darling.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Karlie Kloss: How To Turn Principles Into Power Plays
If you're loving this podcast, be sure to click follow on your favorite listening platform. While you're there, give us a review and a five-star rating and share an episode you loved with a friend who'd be so grateful. Aspire with Emma Greed is presented by Odyssey. I'm your host, Emma Greed. Our executive producers are Corinne Gilead-Fisher, Derek Brown, and me.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Karlie Kloss: How To Turn Principles Into Power Plays
Our executive producers from Odyssey are Maddy Sprung-Kaiser, Leah Reese-Dennis, Asha Saluja, and Jenna Weiss-Berman. Justine Dom is our senior producer. Our producer is Kristen Torres. Sound design and engineering by Bill Schultz. Angela Peluso is our booker. Original music by Charles Black. Video production by Evan Cox, Kurt Courtney, Andrew Steele, Carlos Delgado, and Arnie Agassi.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Karlie Kloss: How To Turn Principles Into Power Plays
Social media by Olivia Homan. Special thanks go to Brittany Smith, Sydney Ford, my teams at Jonesworks and WNE, Maura Curran, Josephina Francis, Hilary Shuff, Eric Donnelly, Kate Hutchinson-Rose, Tim Meeker, Sean Cherry, and Lauren Vieira. If you have questions for me, you can DM me at Aspire with Emma Greed. Greed is spelled G-R-E-D-E. That's Aspire, A-S-P-I-R-E, with Emma Greed.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Karlie Kloss: How To Turn Principles Into Power Plays
Or you can submit a question to me on my website emagreed.me.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Karlie Kloss: How To Turn Principles Into Power Plays
I mean, the two of you are so unbelievably successful, but I want to talk about you for a minute because I think it's so crazy to contextualize how long you've been, you know. Working. Yeah. How long you've been working, how long you've been doing it. I'm only 32, but people think I'm like 50. We feel like you're 52.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Karlie Kloss: How To Turn Principles Into Power Plays
We were trying to work this out last night. I was like, when did I actually meet you? And I must have met you when you were 16. Oh, I was 17, 16 for sure. That's crazy to me. So I feel like I've known you for a lifetime, but you were actually just a child.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Karlie Kloss: How To Turn Principles Into Power Plays
So it wasn't like you were a fan of the business. You were scouted because you were extraordinarily beautiful.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Karlie Kloss: How To Turn Principles Into Power Plays
Unbelievably, unbelievably tall. I feel like we're all like this.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Karlie Kloss: How To Turn Principles Into Power Plays
Louis and being a normal lame teenager and then um yeah and then and then and then Victoria's Secret happened and then and then we can't we can't skirt over it because I think for the world yeah if we didn't already know you and I knew you because I was part of like you know just a fan of fashion yeah
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Karlie Kloss: How To Turn Principles Into Power Plays
But for the rest of everybody else, when you became, you know, Carly Kloss, supermodel Carly Kloss, it was that moment for Victoria's Secret. And you spent, what, a couple of years being a Victoria's Secret's angel.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Karlie Kloss: How To Turn Principles Into Power Plays
You're going to have to just back this up for me. Wait a minute.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Karlie Kloss: How To Turn Principles Into Power Plays
Like, what was happening?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Karlie Kloss: How To Turn Principles Into Power Plays
Did the phone just start ringing? Like, all of a sudden, you walk down the Victoria's Secret runway, you put your wings down, and then it's like, ding, ding.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Karlie Kloss: How To Turn Principles Into Power Plays
Me in all my glory. There's one thing doing high fashion. And there's another thing suddenly being in your underwear with so much scrutiny and so much coverage. And, you know, you're suddenly like front and center as like one of the, you know, the names in fashion that we know. One of the girls that's just going to roll off the tongue. And you're in the windows of like, you know,
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Karlie Kloss: How To Turn Principles Into Power Plays
pretty much every high street in America. So it's a different level of, you know, it's just a different level of scrutiny at that point.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Karlie Kloss: How To Turn Principles Into Power Plays
Something like that.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Karlie Kloss: How To Turn Principles Into Power Plays
A hundred percent.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Karlie Kloss: How To Turn Principles Into Power Plays
Yeah, I think that a lot of people will be able to. feel that quite deeply. Because I think for so many people, they put on a facade when they go to work. And for you, it was almost just like, it's just a layer of protection. Like, how do I protect myself? And I think so many women, especially at that time, right, would
Aspire with Emma Grede
The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
Is that what you think about in those moments or you just like, you go into yourself?
Aspire with Emma Grede
The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
So what do you do in that moment? Your stock is worth almost nothing. You owe more than you're actually worth. You're sitting there with a company that's been essentially completely devalued by the crash. Then what goes through your head? Like, what do you do next?
Aspire with Emma Grede
The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
Sorry, mate, I'm broke.
Aspire with Emma Grede
The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
I am so happy to have you on the Aspire podcast. I cannot tell you how happy I am when I text you the immediate, unsurprising, but immediate yes that came back, just like made me die, like totally die.
Aspire with Emma Grede
The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
You're just made of something different. But the resiliency to actually call someone 50 odd times is enough for me. I mean... But it doesn't bother me. And there's no embarrassment there. There's nothing in you. You're like zero. I just want to go back because obviously to sell a company for $2.4 billion, 18 months after it was essentially worthless. This is... GSI, right? GSI Commerce.
Aspire with Emma Grede
The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
So, but you held on to a piece of that company that eventually then becomes Fanatic. So did you have, first of all, how did you manage to extract the most, like, I guess the most valuable part of the, you know, company out? because that feels like unbelievable that you could even do that. And did you have a vision for Fanatics at that point?
Aspire with Emma Grede
The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
So it's like, it's a long time ago. $2.4 billion is a shit ton of money. So I just want to understand, how do you manage to get away with the bit that ends up being 25, worth $25 billion? Well, two things.
Aspire with Emma Grede
The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
But it's so interesting to me that you had this thing and you were going to figure it out. And because to me, I look at fanatics as such a differentiator in the marketplace, right? You own your space. You own the relationship with sports fans across the all of the leagues and their purchases bar none. It's not like you have like so much competition. It's like fanatics, fanatics, fanatics.
Aspire with Emma Grede
The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
Honestly, what I really want to get out of today, and I think that so many of the people that will be listening just want to understand how you've been successful. And what I love about you is that you talk like no BS. You're extremely truthful, extremely transparent.
Aspire with Emma Grede
The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
And indeed when I, you know, was partnering with Christine Juszczyk and we were going to start off season, all roads led back to fanatics. If you want to be in the you know, team sports business. If you want to sign with a league, you have to come back to you guys.
Aspire with Emma Grede
The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
And so I'm so interested in how you've been able to ring fence this incredible company and you've been able to keep everybody else out when seemingly it doesn't feel like it was this big strategic part of your plan. It was like essentially what you were left with and you had to focus on that.
Aspire with Emma Grede
The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
But you're number one.
Aspire with Emma Grede
The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
Well, listen, that's just your mentality. That's unbelievable.
Aspire with Emma Grede
The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
And I think in this time where it feels like people are so careful and so deliberate about what they say, it's really refreshing to hear from someone like you.
Aspire with Emma Grede
The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
So you feel like everything is anchoring back into that brand purpose.
Aspire with Emma Grede
The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
But I think it's so interesting to think how your brain thinks because there'll be so many people listening to this podcast who want to start a business or have started a business. And your mentality is what makes you so interesting. It's your approach and your... Like the idea, like it kind of makes me laugh that you still feel like you're being constantly chased. And I get it.
Aspire with Emma Grede
The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
And for you, I get, listen, I believe you, you're being constantly chased. But I think it's really interesting that you've orientated all of these businesses around this mission. And when you're starting out, do you think it's really important for young people or for people that are just like getting into something, is it important to orientate yourself around a mission?
Aspire with Emma Grede
The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
Because I feel like we hear so much about purpose, about mission, about purpose-driven companies. And what does that even mean when you're beginning?
Aspire with Emma Grede
The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
No, that's true. And what's really interesting is how that extends to your customers as well. I think that what you do feels so authentic to you, but I want to kind of get into a bit of your origin story and understand it, you know, because, and I'm sure you've told this so many times. I don't want to belabor the point, but I do want to understand a little bit. You grew up in Philadelphia.
Aspire with Emma Grede
The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
And how much do you look at the competition? Because I am always looking at the competition.
Aspire with Emma Grede
The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
Do you think everyone should do that? Because I don't think many people are honest about that, right? Then they're dumb. The entire fashion business works on the premise. Everybody cross shops, everybody's brand. Everybody looks at everything that's happening. And yet we all pretend that we don't. So I'm so interested in you just going, you see a feature on someone's website.
Aspire with Emma Grede
The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
You're like, I'm putting that in tomorrow.
Aspire with Emma Grede
The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
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Aspire with Emma Grede
The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
After three years of research, testing and retesting, and relentless mom-led development, Bobby launched the world's first USDA organic whole milk infant formula manufactured right here in the US. Bobby is launching the first of its kind recipe. It's Bobby's closest recipe to breast milk yet.
Aspire with Emma Grede
The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
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Aspire with Emma Grede
The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
Their ingredients meet the strictest organic standards in the world because USDA organic isn't something you buy, it's something you earn. Bonus, it tastes good. Don't take our word for it. Your baby's bottle will tell you. Bobby is available online and at a retailer near you. Exclusively for our Aspire listeners, Bobby is offering an additional 10% off your purchase with the code ASPIRE.
Aspire with Emma Grede
The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
It feels like you were just a born hustler, but you have been in business for a very long time. And since you were a kid, essentially.
Aspire with Emma Grede
The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
Visit www.highbobby.com for more details. That's H-I-B-O-B-B-I-E.com. What else is it about you that makes you successful?
Aspire with Emma Grede
The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
I think that's really bad.
Aspire with Emma Grede
The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
Let's talk about the work ethic. Because one thing that I know about you is when I text you, wherever I am in the world, you usually text back, if not in the same minute that the text has gone, but within an hour, right? Like you're very much like, there's a lot of immediacy around the way that you communicate. You know, I feel like you've got this sort of band of people around you.
Aspire with Emma Grede
The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
You have a very specific way of working. But when I think Michael Rubin, I think the work. I think the person picking up the phone, sending the email, making the communication, making the connection, you do that feverishly, furiously all the time.
Aspire with Emma Grede
The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
And I just wonder if you feel like the amount of work that you put in has a direct correlation to how successful you've been, or you could have, you know, could you have done this like working three days a week?
Aspire with Emma Grede
The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
Let me know when you figure it out, will you?
Aspire with Emma Grede
The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
And how often are you doing that? Are you doing that every day?
Aspire with Emma Grede
The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
And the other 16 to 18 hours you're working.
Aspire with Emma Grede
The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
I do that. I don't delete the messages, but I have to deal with everything that's in the inbox.
Aspire with Emma Grede
The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
No, and I think it probably does make you better. But going back to the work, is your expectation that everybody else is going to work like that around you? Because it can't be 22,000 little Michael Rubens running around 18-hour days only taking 20 minutes.
Aspire with Emma Grede
The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
And not everybody could live up to the expectations of being like that quick all the time.
Aspire with Emma Grede
The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
And that's your expectation that on that level, the most senior leaders in the company have to be like that.
Aspire with Emma Grede
The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
100%.
Aspire with Emma Grede
The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
Yeah. And someone else will be. I want to talk about the money because you just mentioned money that no one in your executive leadership team is in it for the money. Were you ever in it for the money? Because I think about so many people that, you know, they're in jobs, they're thinking about starting a business and they're like, I just want to make more money. I want things to be better for me.
Aspire with Emma Grede
The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
Is that a good reason to want to become an entrepreneur or to start your own business? No.
Aspire with Emma Grede
The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
Does that make you happy, by the way? Is that to you some sort of like, is there a sigh of relief when you say that? Or is it just so normal now? I just don't care. You've been rich for too long.
Aspire with Emma Grede
The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
Oh. First of all, I think that I am the luckiest girl in the world. I feel so happy that my job is to come to work every day and I get to work with like jeans and undies. And I work with the, to me, I work with the best people in the world. I absolutely love it. Having said that, I am someone who if I wouldn't, I mean, I wouldn't come here if I wasn't making any money.
Aspire with Emma Grede
The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
Like that has been an important part of what has driven me. I've never gone after something purely for the money, but it's like, I'm happy that I've made some at this point. And I did, I definitely feel like there was a time in my life where I was like, okay, I have this job And I'm not making enough money. If I get another job, I'm not going to get paid that much more money.
Aspire with Emma Grede
The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
So taking it into my own hands and going, do you know what? I'm going to try something for myself was why I became an entrepreneur. I was like, I reckon I can do better and pay myself more than where I'm getting paid. That was the primary reason for me going, I've got to get out of the place where I'm being paid 30 grand a year.
Aspire with Emma Grede
The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
So interesting, isn't it?
Aspire with Emma Grede
The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
He's not just a founder, but he's a builder, a visionary and a complete master of culture and one of the most relentless entrepreneurs that I know. We also happen to be in business together on my new sports apparel brand with Kristi Juszczyk off-season. I'm talking about the one and only Michael Rubin. Michael started his first business at just eight years old.
Aspire with Emma Grede
The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
Oh yes, yes, yes, yes.
Aspire with Emma Grede
The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
No, no. I mean, it's so clear to me. It's interesting that you say you were born to be an entrepreneur and it's so, it's so interesting because I feel like I don't even think I knew what an entrepreneur was. I had no ambition to ever start my own business. And it's, do you, I just wonder if you think that can be people, become entrepreneurs.
Aspire with Emma Grede
The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
I feel like, you know, it's like I worked a corporate job until I was 24, 25. And if you are one of those people that's thinking like, I just need to do something different. What does it mean? What is it going to take? Like, what do you need? Like, what are those key things when you boil it down? And this is not necessarily just about you, but what are you looking for?
Aspire with Emma Grede
The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
Thank you very much.
Aspire with Emma Grede
The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
But do you ever deal with like pain? Like, do you have that in your business? Are there times when you're really taken aback by something that it actually, it hurts?
Aspire with Emma Grede
The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
And when you were that young, like when you're eight years old, what was the thrill for you then? Because it's obviously so different when, you know, you don't have bills to pay, you don't have anything. What was the thrill of actually going out and making those like, you know, partnerships with like people in your neighbourhood?
Aspire with Emma Grede
The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
But you wouldn't, as someone who's so ambitious, right? If you're going to take $100 million of revenue out of the company this year, that means you've made- Profits?
Aspire with Emma Grede
The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
I mean, first of all, even worse, right? But then that means that you then can't do something else or something else has to slow down. That doesn't pain you, being as ambitious as you are?
Aspire with Emma Grede
The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
I'm so glad you got there because I was going to try and do this one.
Aspire with Emma Grede
The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
That is one thing. That's very appropriate. The customers can't get in the shop. No, no, no.
Aspire with Emma Grede
The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
No, it's such a brilliant piece of entrepreneurial advice actually. And I heard Tom Brady once say that when everything's going crazy, you got to slow down the play. You just got to like slow it down. And I think that It's really interesting because you can be in these moments of overwhelm where everything goes on top. And you just have to make everybody feel calm.
Aspire with Emma Grede
The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
And as a leader, that is such an important component of what we do. Because I will tell you that this week in our companies, it is sheer panic. These tariffs have completely upended everything that we do. And it changes the entire face of the company. And if we were to all just descend into panic, I mean, people wouldn't know. They'd start leaving, right?
Aspire with Emma Grede
The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
Your best people would be like, oh my goodness, like she's panicking, what's happening? So you really have an opportunity to show what type of leader you are.
Aspire with Emma Grede
The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
Absolutely no doubt.
Aspire with Emma Grede
The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
So you naturally have a very long-term view. When you're building something, you're thinking about these new divisions. Are you thinking in five-year increments, 10-year increments? What does that look like these days?
Aspire with Emma Grede
The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
You talk about pattern recognition all the time. Can you explain that to me a little bit?
Aspire with Emma Grede
The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
How much of your time are you spending interviewing people?
Aspire with Emma Grede
The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
What's a non-negotiable for you? When you, when somebody is interviewing with you or you're going through that like referencing period, what is an absolute no-go?
Aspire with Emma Grede
The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
I mean, there's just so many, but the ultimate bra.
Aspire with Emma Grede
The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
I think there's quite a few.
Aspire with Emma Grede
The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
Maybe.
Aspire with Emma Grede
The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
It's pretty damn good. I like that. One of the things like you are so you, like in every single room, I was very fortunate to be. No, no. I mean, you really are. You don't change for anyone. And I find that such an appealing, like it's just, it's a very attractive quality in someone that you just like remain the same. And I came to your Superbowl party, right?
Aspire with Emma Grede
The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
And it was like the who's who of everyone, everyone that was important in sport plus me. And so I just- That means you're important in sport as well. Apparently, I'm about to be important in sport.
Aspire with Emma Grede
The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
But you know, the thing that was interesting to me is that you are just being you. You're being you around the commissioner of the NFL, you around all the players, the celebrities, the talent, the media moguls, like the whole thing. Like, I feel like there's such a, people feel like they need to be a chameleon.
Aspire with Emma Grede
The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
They feel like as they climb the ranks, whether it's corporate or they start something that they have to like change themselves. You have clearly not done that at all. Was that purposeful? Like, I just, I'm trying to understand like where that level of authenticity and you being able to always be you, like where it comes from and why it just feels like such a big part of your brand.
Aspire with Emma Grede
The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
Oh, yeah, me. I was like busy.
Aspire with Emma Grede
The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
And by the way, I said- I came with a face sheet.
Aspire with Emma Grede
The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
Yeah. You didn't have a suit on then.
Aspire with Emma Grede
The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
And, and I'm also like, you see in those rooms, I'm still picking things up from people like, but you're, you know, you're picking things out, but you're also putting people together consistently, but you do it without. And here's the thing. People love a favor for a favor. You don't ever ask for anything back. And I find that so interesting.
Aspire with Emma Grede
The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
I love that you say you actually work harder now. So at this level of success, when you have a company that's worth $25 billion, you think you're working harder than you did in your 20s and your 30s and your early 40s when you were actually building?
Aspire with Emma Grede
The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
I feel like you've hooked me up with so many people at this point. And I'm waiting for the phone to ring and you to be like, hey girl, like I need this thing. But that doesn't seem to be your style at all, whoever I speak to. Well, first off,
Aspire with Emma Grede
The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
No, you know, it's like, it's worth your time. It's going to be a great contact. So, and I can completely see that you authentically do that and it's become a great part of your business, of your brand, and it completely works because you really are- And it does put you back in karma, by the way, for sure.
Aspire with Emma Grede
The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
Of course it does, right? Because I feel such a warm feeling to you because of the way that you've behaved. And again, when we did our deal, and I will say this because I think it's such an incredible trait- Took us six months to get through the legal. But what you told me in the first meeting, what we would do, how we would do it, the deal that you were prepared to make is exactly what we did.
Aspire with Emma Grede
The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
And I think when you can take someone on their word like that, that says everything you need to know about that person. And so if you did call me for something, I'd be like, yeah, Michael Rubin, he's the real deal. Like he's a great guy. And that is like so seldomly the truth. Like me moving from England to LA, like I have not seen that very much.
Aspire with Emma Grede
The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
I think it's so interesting just going back to off season and thinking about like what's happening in like really specifically around women's sports at the moment. And you know, our business is about all sport, but I feel like there's like, a time and a moment where things happen in culture and it collides and it makes the right environment for you to do business.
Aspire with Emma Grede
The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
You've been around for a long time. Are you as excited by women's sports and the business opportunities that sit adjacent to that as everyone else? Or are you less excited? I really want to understand because you have the customers, you see what's happening, you have the sales figures. What's actually happening?
Aspire with Emma Grede
The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
One of the things I hate- You feel like a startup with a $25 billion valuation. Yeah.
Aspire with Emma Grede
The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
Yeah, it feels like it's going to be a massive unlock when you can get women's sports of power, right? And I really believe that off-season has a huge part to play here. I mean, women love buying clothes. They love buying clothes with a,
Aspire with Emma Grede
The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
a frequency that is very different from how men buy them so I'm just very excited by the space and the opportunity but how do you think women because of course look sports is still at the kind of epicenter and where the decisions are made and more importantly to me where the money's made it's still super male dominated how do you reckon that like women can actually get involved in what's about to become like a really important business like a really big money generating business yeah
Aspire with Emma Grede
The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
I'm interested actually having worked with you a little bit now and some of the people in your company, but more importantly, like the women in your company, you've really got a lot of very incredible senior women that work around you as well. Like, has that been purposeful for you to cultivate that? Do you think about, I've got this many male leaders, maybe I need to balance it with women?
Aspire with Emma Grede
The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
Like, I just wonder, because there is such an intrinsically different way that women operate to men. And I just want to understand your opinion about that and how you see it in terms of leadership and then more thoughtfully, like as it extends to women and women's sports.
Aspire with Emma Grede
The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. When you, I'm so interested because I do see your daughter around you so much. And I wonder what you hope that she'll learn from you by being around you so much.
Aspire with Emma Grede
The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
I do want to ask you a question before we get to like a final, final questions. Just give me an idea of the things that you think about from a habit point of view that have become non-negotiable and just the things that like form the most important parts of your life. And really, I really want to understand them as they, as they link to you being successful.
Aspire with Emma Grede
The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
Like what are those things that you just have to do?
Aspire with Emma Grede
The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
I see that.
Aspire with Emma Grede
The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
So, I mean, I would imagine that keeping that mentality, that startup mentality and that kind of drive, I get that you can have that as the founder, but how does that actually manifest within the company? How do you make everybody else? Because when you have a company with that, you know, that many people, what you're 20 something, 20,000, 22,000 people.
Aspire with Emma Grede
The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
You're just decisive AF.
Aspire with Emma Grede
The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
I know. I keep feeling like I'm on the telly.
Aspire with Emma Grede
The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
You are decisive as fuck.
Aspire with Emma Grede
The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
There you go. Thank you for enabling that. That was great.
Aspire with Emma Grede
The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
We're going straight to the rapid fire questions, Michael Rubin.
Aspire with Emma Grede
The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
Rapid fire. All right. First of all, what's the first thing you do when you wake up?
Aspire with Emma Grede
The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
No, come on. What do you do? You pick up your phone.
Aspire with Emma Grede
The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
You are not supposed to. No, no. You don't get to look at it in the middle of the night. Of course I do.
Aspire with Emma Grede
The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
Oh my goodness. I'm exhausted. What's the last thing you do before you go to bed? It's check your phone.
Aspire with Emma Grede
The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
I mean, this was the easiest thing ever.
Aspire with Emma Grede
The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
For you, it was a really dumb question. Michael Rubin doing a little, I mean, have you tried it?
Aspire with Emma Grede
The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
Yeah, it lasted 20 seconds. What are you currently aspiring for in your business life?
Aspire with Emma Grede
The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
That's a great answer. What about in your personal life? What are you aspiring for there?
Aspire with Emma Grede
The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
It's the most important thing. What is a piece of advice that you've been given that changed your life?
Aspire with Emma Grede
The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
Yeah, I bet it did. What's something that you valued when you were starting out that you don't anymore?
Aspire with Emma Grede
The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
So I get it, but you're going to have an executive leadership team and senior leaders. How do you create the conditions and the environment for them to all feel like that too.
Aspire with Emma Grede
The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
So that's really the answer to my next question is something that you value now that you didn't then. What do you value now most of all?
Aspire with Emma Grede
The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
They're great things. Great things to spend your time thinking about. Thank you so much for coming on the Aspire podcast, Michael Rubin. It's been a pleasure.
Aspire with Emma Grede
The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
Thank you, darling. If you're loving this podcast, be sure to click follow on your favorite listening platform. While you're there, give us a review and a five-star rating and share an episode you loved with a friend. We'll be so grateful. Aspire with Emma Greed is presented by Odyssey. I'm your host, Emma Greed. Our executive producers are Corinne Gilead-Fisher, Derek Brown, and me.
Aspire with Emma Grede
The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
Our executive producers from Odyssey are Maddy Sprung-Kaiser, Leah Reese-Dennis, and Jenna Weiss-Berman. Justine Dom is our senior producer. Our producer is Kristen Torres. Sound design and engineering by Bill Schultz. Angela Peluso is our booker. Original music by Charles Black. Video production by Evan Cox and Kurt Courtney. Social media by Olivia Homan.
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The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
Special thanks go to Brittany Smith, Sydney Ford, my teams at Jonesworks and WNE, Maura Curran, Josephina Francis, Hilary Shuff, Eric Donnelly, Kate Hutchinson-Rose, Tim Meikle, Sean Cherry, and Lauren Vieira. If you have questions for me, you can DM me at Aspire with Emma Greed. Greed is spelled G-R-E-D-E. That's Aspire, A-S-P-I-R-E, with me, Emma Greed.
Aspire with Emma Grede
The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
Or you can submit a question to me on my website, emmagreed.me.
Aspire with Emma Grede
The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
When do you tell them that? Like in the interview?
Aspire with Emma Grede
The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
And since then, he's built and sold companies worth billions of dollars. He's now the founder and CEO of Fanatics, who are a global digital sports platform valued at over $25 billion. What makes Michael different is his ability to spot opportunity where others don't, to move fast and to build with precision at massive scale. Welcome to the show, Michael.
Aspire with Emma Grede
The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
I love the way that you talk about that, actually, like stopping dumb shit from happening, because I feel like as a leader, and you spoke about it as well, like this idea of being this excellent communicator, right? My job is to paint the vision, make sure everybody understands what are the three most important things that we're doing and how we all collectively go in towards those things.
Aspire with Emma Grede
The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
And that takes you being a really amazing communicator, being an excellent, almost like a salesperson to your own organization. I know what my strengths are, is that I can tell everybody like, hey guys, we're going this way. This is how we're going to get there. All come with me.
Aspire with Emma Grede
The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
When you think about your strengths as a leader and what's got you ultimately to where you are today with really, I mean, quite unbelievable success. And I really want to talk about what's happened to you earlier in your career to get to where you are, but what do you think the leadership qualities are that have got you to where you are today?
Aspire with Emma Grede
The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
But I love that you would do that within four months, right? Because in that moment, like, what was this? Just after COVID, we were in NFT madness. I wonder, like, because you've had so much success, have the failures become easier to deal with? Do you just fail less now? Because I know earlier in your career, you really, I mean, you have come
Aspire with Emma Grede
The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
really close to the line with a couple of businesses, right? It's like, it's not all been like billions and billions of dollars and you making great decisions all over the show.
Aspire with Emma Grede
The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
Death in its eyes.
Aspire with Emma Grede
The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
Wait a minute. You are going to seriously sit here and tell me that when that's happening, did you, I mean, when you say I saw death in its eyes, did that mean like everything's on the line for you? Like your home's on the line or is it like you're just- Many times. No. How is that fun? That can't be fun.
Aspire with Emma Grede
The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
Welcome to the Aspire podcast with me, Emma Green. If you're serious about doing something big, today's episode is so for you. Whether you're launching a brand or scaling a company or just dreaming about your first move, my guest today is someone who's done all of it over and over again.
Aspire with Emma Grede
The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
So you're sitting there with $25 million.
Aspire with Emma Grede
The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
But what is it? Okay, so tell me.
Aspire with Emma Grede
The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
First of all, I have absolutely no doubt. But where does it come from in you that you could be right on the brink like that, right? If you trace it back and think, okay, I could build it all again. I get it because you've shown that you can do it over and over again. And you can find these pockets of billion dollar businesses seemingly everywhere. But where do you get that from?
Aspire with Emma Grede
The Founder Playbook: How Michael Rubin Built Fanatics by Betting on Obsession
What in your life has signaled to you that you can just bounce back?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Mellody Hobson: What I Learned From My Business Hero
Every single time. And I think that all the time, because in any situation that you're in, being able to find that unlock to something is like, how many great questions can you ask? It's not about what you already know, because I want to figure out what I don't know in any given situation. And so asking the right questions is what allows you to do that.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Mellody Hobson: What I Learned From My Business Hero
And what amazes me, Emma, smart people who are not curious. Yes. Oh, it's the worst.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Mellody Hobson: What I Learned From My Business Hero
Yeah, but how long does it last? Correct. No, curiosity. And honestly, when I think about this type of show and the reason that I wanted to do this is because my life has been so enhanced by being able to sit with people that I find really interesting and really inspiring. And information, you know, Warren Buffett has this quote that I love, which is, the more you learn, the more you earn.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Mellody Hobson: What I Learned From My Business Hero
feels to me that you are always in learning mode. You can't have a career like the one that you've had without consistently learning. And so when you learn that you are this super communicator and you have a way of distilling and simplifying these very complex ideas, how do you know that like, you're like, I'm going to stay in Ariel and this is going to be my career.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Mellody Hobson: What I Learned From My Business Hero
No, come on. No, not come on.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Mellody Hobson: What I Learned From My Business Hero
Like if I'd have asked you, I don't know, 30 years ago, would you stay in this one place? Would you have had that answer?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Mellody Hobson: What I Learned From My Business Hero
Right. You know this.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Mellody Hobson: What I Learned From My Business Hero
Never. And I think so many people do that.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Mellody Hobson: What I Learned From My Business Hero
Every time I start, that's my intro. No, I have to tell you, when I decided to do this show, which ultimately the idea is that I get to share the people that I aspire to the most, it was number one you. And I'm so happy that you're here. And we've got a lot of stuff that we're going to talk about today.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Mellody Hobson: What I Learned From My Business Hero
And did you ever worry, you know, because again, having so many people that like work around me in these companies, did you ever feel overwhelmed or like there were things that you didn't want to take on? Or for you, was it always like, I'm taking that, I'm taking that?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Mellody Hobson: What I Learned From My Business Hero
Give me an example. Like when you say that you can push yourself to do unbelievable things, what does that look like? Because I feel like sometimes you could look at somebody like you and think, you know, well, of course she's like super smart, but it's not just about what you learned and what you've taught yourself. There is something to just sheer work ethic that counts for something.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Mellody Hobson: What I Learned From My Business Hero
I love to hear that because I think that at the point you are in your career, you still have to push through things. Oh, I still have to like do that. Yeah.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Mellody Hobson: What I Learned From My Business Hero
But before we start, I really want to understand a little bit more about your childhood and where you come from. And I know you grew up on the south side of Chicago. I know that you're one of six and you were raised by a single mother. But I'd really like to understand a little bit more about how you were raised and where you came from.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Mellody Hobson: What I Learned From My Business Hero
And you have to deliver on it too. But you've got hours. Wow. You know, you've got to turn this around and we have no choice. So talking of hard things, because I think there will be so many people that are sitting there in a corporate career. And I do think to some degree there is a blueprint for getting promoted, for moving through a job in the way that you have. So what do you tell people?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Mellody Hobson: What I Learned From My Business Hero
I mean, because you're on an 11. Do you need everybody else around you to be on an 11? And what is it that people need to do in order to be successful and to be promoted?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Mellody Hobson: What I Learned From My Business Hero
No siblings have the same parents. No. That is a fact.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Mellody Hobson: What I Learned From My Business Hero
But what happens if your aspiration is to operate at the highest level? Like what are the non-negotiables do you think for people that want that type of career? What do they need to do?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Mellody Hobson: What I Learned From My Business Hero
Really, you know, what does that mean in terms of who you are today and how you kind of move through the world?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Mellody Hobson: What I Learned From My Business Hero
And what's so interesting to me, you obviously work in this extremely male-dominated space, right? And I always think- The opposite of you. The total opposite of me. You have women. Thank goodness for me. But I always think about this idea of, you know, like you can't be what you don't see. And did you have women that were around you or mentors in your career? It's just so interesting. Yes, a lot.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Mellody Hobson: What I Learned From My Business Hero
But anyway, I love the cover. It wasn't Prada on Prada on Mimi on Gucci on Prada. No, it was like, you know. Because we know you and your fashion, which is another thing that I love that you bring to this world. Because I'm like, well, she ain't sacrificing the outfits. That's for sure.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Mellody Hobson: What I Learned From My Business Hero
For sure. Clutching your pals. For sure.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Mellody Hobson: What I Learned From My Business Hero
Did you recognize what she was saying?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Mellody Hobson: What I Learned From My Business Hero
Oh, that's some good advice right there.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Mellody Hobson: What I Learned From My Business Hero
I wonder how did you get so comfortable being yourself? Because I feel like in your career, you must have been in so many rooms where you were the first. Where does that come from?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Mellody Hobson: What I Learned From My Business Hero
To my advantage. It's so interesting that that was your first thought. That was my first thought. You were not someone who's like, this is like not for me. You were like, I'm going to use this. No, I was like, wait, if you can stand out, then this is the important thing.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Mellody Hobson: What I Learned From My Business Hero
No, no, God, I love it.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Mellody Hobson: What I Learned From My Business Hero
We all read that article.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Mellody Hobson: What I Learned From My Business Hero
I always think of it like nightclub chat. Like I'm like, please don't nightclub chat me in the middle of the day. It's like uninteresting. It's so, but it's interesting how many people do that.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Mellody Hobson: What I Learned From My Business Hero
Remember, I'm waking up at four. I've spent a lot of time on the other end of four, let me tell you. I'm really good at nightclub chat. I just don't like it.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Mellody Hobson: What I Learned From My Business Hero
But that's so interesting to me because I think, again, from where you came from to have the foresight that you can, first of all, use your differences as like this reason to lean in, but that you weren't going to waste it, right? You were going to take that opportunity and make the connection with somebody actually worth it in those moments.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Mellody Hobson: What I Learned From My Business Hero
Did you ever feel like you needed to conform, like you needed to fit in?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Mellody Hobson: What I Learned From My Business Hero
But it's still business attire. Correct. Because you and I have spoken about this a lot. Like the way you put yourself together, the way that you come into a room. And I know that you think that that's very important. And so do I, by the way.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Mellody Hobson: What I Learned From My Business Hero
Let me be more like that. Yeah. No, but it's very interesting because I do think that at the end of the day, people need to look at you and be comfortable to either, you know, let you handle millions and millions and hundreds of millions of dollars or be around like some huge transaction.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Mellody Hobson: What I Learned From My Business Hero
And there is a reality as to how you're perceived and, you know, the relationship between those two things, right? Somebody feeling that they can trust you.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Mellody Hobson: What I Learned From My Business Hero
But down to that. So where else does that come in your life? Because I imagine that that can't just be relegated to an email.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Mellody Hobson: What I Learned From My Business Hero
No, you don't.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Mellody Hobson: What I Learned From My Business Hero
No, you don't.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Mellody Hobson: What I Learned From My Business Hero
But that level of attention to detail, and like you say, it's not about being a perfectionist. It's about process. Process. It's about you essentially ensuring that whatever you do, whatever is a reflection of you is at the highest possible level that it can be. Because then they'll think, well, they must be good investors.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Mellody Hobson: What I Learned From My Business Hero
Well, I know that about you. And I think that for so many people, when you come from a place where scarcity is like, it's there, it never leaves. Like it's always around the corner. Do you feel like that now? Absolutely.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Mellody Hobson: What I Learned From My Business Hero
So everything I can control, you must.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Mellody Hobson: What I Learned From My Business Hero
That makes a lot of sense. So talk to me a little bit about women and power. I wonder if you've had any instances in your career, and I love the way you flipped, getting tense. It's getting tense. Well, because I think it's something that we talk about all the time. Do you feel like there's times in your career where you have been underestimated or overlooked?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Mellody Hobson: What I Learned From My Business Hero
You might say that. Give me an example.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Mellody Hobson: What I Learned From My Business Hero
Yeah. And I will work to do everything. How many times in deals do people just ask for things they don't need? No, I said, if you really need it.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Mellody Hobson: What I Learned From My Business Hero
That's amazing. Talk to me a bit about negotiation because you're clearly like an incredible negotiator. And I think it's a place where people have a really hard time advocating for themselves. But you started off as an intern and now you're clearly, you know, you're an owner in the firm. You have skin in the game. How do people... advocate for themselves and get what they need?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Mellody Hobson: What I Learned From My Business Hero
about the fact that I have a house or an apartment or wherever I am. I cannot tell you how much that resonates with me. I mean, I've told you this before. I love that story of Chris Rock, who talks about keeping a bag packed in his own house. And I feel a little bit like that. I'm ready for the day someone's like, this is not your life, girl. You're like, you know, I'm going to march you out.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Mellody Hobson: What I Learned From My Business Hero
Yeah. And get what you need out of the situation. Get it all sorted out. Why do you think that people, because I know like there's such a, we still have such kind of, you know, inequality when it comes to this gender pay gap. And again, you know, women find it very, very difficult to go in and to advocate for themselves. What do you, why do you think that is?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Mellody Hobson: What I Learned From My Business Hero
And what do you think we can do better to make sure that we do get what we deserve? I think
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Mellody Hobson: What I Learned From My Business Hero
And you can't walk it back. That's the problem. Exactly. Because once you put that out into the universe, it's there. It exists between the two of you and there's no walking it back. And so then you just think like, well, you just don't know anything.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Mellody Hobson: What I Learned From My Business Hero
So if you are asking, make sure you have good information. And good information for you is what? It's like an understanding of what you bring to that organization or what the job is worth.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Mellody Hobson: What I Learned From My Business Hero
I can't find it somewhere else.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Mellody Hobson: What I Learned From My Business Hero
And so I kind of feel like in my head, I've kind of, I will keep a bag packed for the rest of my life.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Mellody Hobson: What I Learned From My Business Hero
So at least at the very minimum, you go and let it sort of wash over you. Take the feedback, come back in a couple of months, having digested what you've been told and hopefully, you know, playing out what you've been told. You might actually disagree. Yes.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Mellody Hobson: What I Learned From My Business Hero
You'd be getting what you asked for.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Mellody Hobson: What I Learned From My Business Hero
Yeah, it's another killer. Do you feel like, I've heard you talk a little bit about your, you know, your personal history and where you came from and having, you know, trauma that's connected to money. And so again, like this idea of how you overcome your fear with money at this point, you know, you've written an incredible children's book that's all about, it's called...
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Mellody Hobson: What I Learned From My Business Hero
priceless facts about money which I love and I bought immediately for my own children but I'm kind of interested in how you think about your relationship to money now and how like how do you speak to the people within your organization about that it's evolved so Warren Buffett says do the job you would do if you didn't need a job that's what I do so I don't work for money and I don't say that casually or in a dispassionate way I like doing well but
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Mellody Hobson: What I Learned From My Business Hero
And I'm such a huge believer in mindset. And yet I'm completely allergic to toxic positivity. I feel like there's so much of that around. And I wonder what makes you uniquely able to do what you do. What do you think it is inside of you that makes you so successful and so able to see around the corners and have such clarity around what it is that you're doing.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Mellody Hobson: What I Learned From My Business Hero
Interesting.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Mellody Hobson: What I Learned From My Business Hero
Yeah, in so many great ways. But did you always know that you wanted a career in business? I understand that you were watching your siblings, but who was around you and who gave you this idea that you could have this type of career that you're having? No one. No one.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Mellody Hobson: What I Learned From My Business Hero
Who else is a person like that for you in your life?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Mellody Hobson: What I Learned From My Business Hero
I know what that feels like. I married a Swedish man, so I get the straightforward critique every day. Yeah. Literally. No sides.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Mellody Hobson: What I Learned From My Business Hero
When it works both ways, doesn't it? It's like you can talk yourself in or out of anything every day. And so I said. And so you have to make it a habit. Be accountable. Yeah.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Mellody Hobson: What I Learned From My Business Hero
Instead of making so many big skills. It takes a lot. And I feel like that is a muscle because that is something that you have to practice. Like that level of honesty, so few people have it. If I take one thing away today from our conversation, that will be it. Just increasing that level of intellectual honesty because I think it's very, very hard to get there. I live on group chats.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Mellody Hobson: What I Learned From My Business Hero
I did not hit the family group chat. I would never do that to you. But my girlfriend group chat, I did hit up. And the question that they wanted to ask you was about difficult conversations and how you learn to get comfortable with having difficult conversations at work. How have you done that?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Mellody Hobson: What I Learned From My Business Hero
That's a great answer. All right, we're going to move to rapid fire. The first thing you do when you wake up in the morning, please. Look at my phone.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Mellody Hobson: What I Learned From My Business Hero
What are you getting from that at the moment? Oh, there's fire, fire, fire. No, you know.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Mellody Hobson: What I Learned From My Business Hero
They are. Because it's 7 a.m. A lot has happened. And so I look at my phone first. Okay, fair enough. And the last thing you do before you go to bed?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Mellody Hobson: What I Learned From My Business Hero
She won't go to sleep. Go to sleep. What are you currently aspiring for in your business life?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Mellody Hobson: What I Learned From My Business Hero
Well, I mean, project level, which is your sports fund. I mean, when I heard about that, I actually think you were the first person. And then after you said it, it's just come up over and over and over again. And I saw the amazing panel that you did. Women's sports. Yeah.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Mellody Hobson: What I Learned From My Business Hero
I mean, the idea that you are taking charge of women's sports, because I think that we're all obsessed with women's sports right now, but it's still, again, it's a man's game. The teams are owned by the men and the whole thing is male dominated. We're changing all of that. And I know you will.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Mellody Hobson: What I Learned From My Business Hero
So good for you. I'm excited for you. What are you aspiring for in your personal life?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Mellody Hobson: What I Learned From My Business Hero
Yeah. No, I totally understand that. I think in it, an 11 year old now is like a 14, 15 year old and they, they don't need you less the older they get. They actually need you more and more, which is, um, I think that, you know, as a mother of four right now, I'm learning that because you kind of feel like, oh, the baby phase is over. And I'm like, no, no, no, this is the hard part.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Mellody Hobson: What I Learned From My Business Hero
This is the part where they really need you. It's kind of amazing. Tell me, what is a book that's changed your life?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Mellody Hobson: What I Learned From My Business Hero
Really? I'm so glad you mentioned unreasonable hospitality. I will get it. Okay. What is something that you valued when you were starting out that you don't now?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Mellody Hobson: What I Learned From My Business Hero
What is something that you value now that you didn't back then?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Mellody Hobson: What I Learned From My Business Hero
Yeah. It'll rock you to your core.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Mellody Hobson: What I Learned From My Business Hero
Yeah. Well, Melody, I was so unbelievably grateful for you being here and taking the time on a Saturday of your days. Happy to be here. But actually even more now, because I know that it's so difficult and it speaks to so much your strength and your character and just the type of person that you are, that once you said you'd come, that after the week...
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Mellody Hobson: What I Learned From My Business Hero
I'm so excited about today's episode of the Aspire podcast because today I'm talking to my ultimate aspiration. Whenever I'm asked who I look up to in business, I only have one answer and it's Melody Hobson. Melody is the co-CEO of Aerial Investments, a firm which manages over $14 billion in assets.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Mellody Hobson: What I Learned From My Business Hero
and what you've been through this week that you would come and turn up for me. So I'm super, super grateful and so happy to spend this, you know, couple of hours having the chat. And I feel like so many people will get so much from just seeing you, first of all, but also from your very, very wise words. So I'm super grateful.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Mellody Hobson: What I Learned From My Business Hero
Thank you. Means the most coming from you. Thank you, my dear. If you're loving this podcast, be sure to click follow on your favorite listening platform. While you're there, give us a review and a five-star rating and share an episode you loved with a friend. We'll be so grateful. Aspire with Emma Greed is presented by Odyssey. I'm your host, Emma Greed.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Mellody Hobson: What I Learned From My Business Hero
Our executive producers are Corinne Gilead-Fisher, Derek Brown, and me. Our executive producers from Odyssey are Maddy Sprung-Kaiser, Leah Reese-Dennis, and Jenna Weiss-Berman. Justine Dom is our senior producer. Our producer is Kristen Torres. Sound design and engineering by Bill Schultz. Angela Peluso is our booker. Original music by Charles Black.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Mellody Hobson: What I Learned From My Business Hero
Video production by Evan Cox and Kurt Courtney. Social media by Olivia Homan. Special thanks go to Brittany Smith, Sydney Ford, my teams at Jonesworks and WNE, Maura Curran, Josephina Francis, Hilary Shuff, Eric Donnelly, Kate Hutchinson-Rose, Tim Meikle, Sean Cherry, and Lauren Vieira. If you have questions for me, you can DM me at Aspire with Emma Greed. Greed is spelled G-R-E-D-E.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Mellody Hobson: What I Learned From My Business Hero
That's Aspire, A-S-P-I-R-E, with me, Emma Greed. Or you can submit a question to me on my website, emmagreed.me.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Mellody Hobson: What I Learned From My Business Hero
And you would just... And hang out at the library. And reading what?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Mellody Hobson: What I Learned From My Business Hero
And at nine, you have a goal. So at nine, you're like, I'm going to read every one of these books.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Mellody Hobson: What I Learned From My Business Hero
He's like the second day girl.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Mellody Hobson: What I Learned From My Business Hero
I can almost certainly say you've shed the second day girl thing. So you've been first in the family to graduate from college. You graduate from Princeton. Yes. And you then go straight to Aerial Investments, which is where you are now. You were an intern, and that is where you spent your entire career.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Mellody Hobson: What I Learned From My Business Hero
Well, because nobody does that these days. I feel like we're almost trained in so much of a way. And I honestly think this about my own stuff because people come and they come for two to three years. It's so unusual that anyone stays even for five or six. So I can imagine for you that even during that tenure, you have done a lot of different things.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Mellody Hobson: What I Learned From My Business Hero
You don't start as the intern and end up where you are.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Mellody Hobson: What I Learned From My Business Hero
Because I was like... You wanted to stay where you were at.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Mellody Hobson: What I Learned From My Business Hero
She was chairwoman at Starbucks and has held board seats at JP Morgan, Estee Lauder, and even negotiated the acquisition of DreamWorks Animation. She is someone whose journey is marked by incredible success, but she's also navigated her path with grace and courage and just an unshakable sense of purpose.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Mellody Hobson: What I Learned From My Business Hero
But it was yours and you owned it. I had shoes in the kitchen. When did you buy that apartment?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Mellody Hobson: What I Learned From My Business Hero
And I do think there's so much to be said for someone like you. You've done so many things in your career, but how have you been able to architect that career over the last 30 years? What did that look like for you?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Mellody Hobson: What I Learned From My Business Hero
If you ever wondered what it takes to rise through the ranks, not just to the top, but to redefine what the top can be, then Melody is that blueprint. We'll get into her thoughts on how to get promoted, finding the power in negotiation, and how sometimes being underestimated can be your superpower.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Mellody Hobson: What I Learned From My Business Hero
And how have you gotten so good at that? Like it, because it's such a difficult thing. And I do, you know, I almost hate what I'm about to say, but I feel like finance is still one of those things. And it doesn't matter if you meet a female founder, female CEO, she will somehow extrapolate herself very, very often and more often than not from the finance piece.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Mellody Hobson: What I Learned From My Business Hero
How do you know that, like, you're like, I'm going to stay in Ariel and this is going to be my career? Like, if I'd have asked you, I don't know, 30 years ago, would you stay in this one place? I knew I would. Would you have had the answer?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Mellody Hobson: What I Learned From My Business Hero
And I find myself and have done earlier in my career saying, you know, the first person I get around me is like the CFO because that's where I'm weak.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Mellody Hobson: What I Learned From My Business Hero
And I think the moment I stopped saying that and I took responsibility for my own learning, for my own understanding, for my dyslexia and not allowing that to be an excuse, I became infinitely more powerful in my own businesses, but also in my own life. So, Like, I just need to understand, like, that is so, it's such an incredible thing for me that you are so powerful in finance.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Mellody Hobson: What I Learned From My Business Hero
So you always had your job at Ariel, and then you would be- I have 17 jobs. Right, yes. But you'll be in the entertainment sphere as Melody Hobson, the financial expert. And talking about what happened in the world of money.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Mellody Hobson: What I Learned From My Business Hero
We'll talk about money and how she's using her voice and influence to build real ownership, especially for women and people of colour. Melody is a true one-of-one, and I am so excited to share this episode. Welcome to the show, Melody Hobson. Melody, thank you so much for being here today. When I think about someone in business who I aspire to, you are number one, number one, number one again.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Mellody Hobson: What I Learned From My Business Hero
I actually think it's a great lesson because... Sometimes the fear, I remember when I started in the apparel business, it's all acronyms. And I would stop people constantly and say, what is the AOV? What is the UPT? What is the LTV? And everyone would be like, aren't you embarrassed? You're supposed to be the CEO. And I was like, no, I don't know what I don't know. And again, it can become...
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Mellody Hobson: What I Learned From My Business Hero
so like fearful for people just to ask the question.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Mellody Hobson: What I Learned From My Business Hero
And it's a superpower to simplify. And for you to be able to distill complex ideas into really, really simple, like, you know, simple things that anyone can understand is a superpower. This is my example that I give to people.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
So a long journey of like figuring this out and trying to understand what it was.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
Yeah.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
Did you have a plan for the money? And were you the CEO at that point when you raised?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
I would love to be you fundraising. I'd be like in my ball gown, just like coming in. I would love it. I've arrived. I do a speech and just honestly, I feel like it would be so powerful to be you fundraising.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
Could you, can you detect that? Like, how's your bullshit? Oh, my God. Do you look like, did you walk in and be like, I ain't getting this check?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
So you raise your first bit of money. You have an interim CEO at the time. You have a plan for something that's really emerging. Is there a moment that you sit back and you're like, okay, this is a serious business for me now. This is something that's actually going to be
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
my life and not kind of these recommendations and this fun sort of purpose driven thing for me, it's actually going to make it make me a bunch of money.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
Yeah, no, I completely understand. And I think, especially when you're in a business like the one that you've created, because it does feel so intrinsically you. There's things that we didn't use to say, that we didn't use to know, and you constantly have introduced new ideas and I think to the culture, right? To the culture at large, but you also got your fair share of backlash for that.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
And I feel like for, well, certainly for women more generally, but female founders, female CEOs, they just get it so much harder than men. Did you anticipate that? And then when it started to happen to you, because I feel like there's parts of
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
There's parts and times when, you know, the headlines of, I'm sure have been very beneficial to your business, but there's also times where it just feels like it's just been vicious. And I wonder how you dealt with that on both sides of it. Yeah.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
Like, you know, we're still coming there to look and to buy. And the curiosity was such a huge part of what you had. And I do think that you introduced ideas like, you know, conscious uncoupling. Like I remember reading that and being like,
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
off like what is she talking about but then it was so like it was like a revelation and a breakthrough and it wasn't like it wasn't happening but you put a label on it for people that was like this is it this is how you do it this is what you call it and this is what it looks like in real life and it was just such a moment I think yeah yeah and I mean god and at the time if you can imagine you know I'm
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
No doubt. It's the dysfunction between the two parents playing out and the kids having to choose sides and decide what to do. And that is the opposite of the way your life works now, because you have one big, beautiful, blended family.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
No, it's incredible. I do think that you're someone who is so resilient and that is an attribute. No, I mean, I mean, you must be because otherwise you'd just be a puddle of a woman. Yeah. Imagine the amount of mean things that have been written about you and said about you. And I often think that when I meet female or any founders, right?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
Resilience is such a key attribute when you start a business because so much goes wrong. So much is thrown at you. So, you know, things that you could never anticipate. How do you think about building your resilience? Is this something that is just, it's in you and you were always like that? Or is it a muscle and you've trained yourself to become more resilient? I just wonder how... Yeah.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
You even think of, or do you think about it at all?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
But it's so interesting because I think that is what makes an incredible entrepreneur because people imagine once you're out of a situation where somebody else is telling you what to do, that suddenly it gets easier. And I think when the decision is all on you to go left or to go right, it actually is so much harder. And there are things that happen in companies.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
And I know that you've been through lots and you must have over all of the years. There are so many difficult decisions to make. Is there ever a time when you are like, I actually can't do that. This is just too much. Have you had those moments in the company where you're like, I just can't go?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
And I can never do this again. And I'm not worthy. And it's because of me.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
And I think that that is such a female point of view. And I talk about this all the time.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
Also because we're not giving grace, you know, in the media, in the business community, it's like this woman did this thing again. And it's like, you know, men get to start and fail and lose and piss people's money away.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
It's such a double standard out there. I talk about this all the time too. Do you think that you've become better at dealing with those things or do you think that you'll forever relate to them in that way and you've just like you're strengthening that muscle to get through it I wonder if it actually changes over the years
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
Definitely. And I also think that if you are, you know, if you're the type of person that's constantly analyzing what you do, why you do it, why these things are happening, how you handle them, it is a little bit like in a relationship or parenting for me, I'm like being a parent and being a founder and entrepreneur, these are the places that I am learning every day about myself, like it or not.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
And if I'm not learning, someone's going to point it out to me. Do you have those people in your life that you've been able to lean on? Or do you feel like you're a bit of a, like a solo person creating your own thing?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
That's interesting. In your own company, do you think, have you been able to bring those people into the business that are able to challenge you? Definitely. Because that's hard.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
I need to come shadow you, I think, for a week. Well, it's interesting because I think that that comes from a place of, you know, I feel like I made a lot of good decisions and they're things that maybe went against the grain. And I would imagine for someone like you who has done things that we didn't even know existed or created products,
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
that there was just like, you know, no obvious need for, but then suddenly we were all like, okay, we need this thing now. Right, right. That you would feel conviction and that you would just be like, no, we're going my way. This is not a democracy. This is not a consensus building exercise. It's like, that's the way we're going.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
I mean, that's like category defining. That's what we call it. You've done so many different categories in the business. How did you decide what to do, what not to do and how to like, ultimately, I guess, like decide to shut things down because everything from like the Netflix series, you have clothing, you have wellness, you have beauty, you've had like vitamin products.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
There's just been such a slew of stuff. And of course the editorial platform still exists, which I imagine is a really heavy lift. So what, what does the decision-making process look like around those things?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
We are that Brentwood chicken salad and those little wraps. We are chowing down on those every day. I'm so happy.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
I want to get into the business as it is today because it feels like a really new day in your business. And, you know, I think that you kind of said there was a brilliant article that I read yesterday where you said, you know, like the LTV on the vagina candle customer perhaps didn't shake out as you imagined it would. But it's a really important statement, right?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
Because we live and learn in our businesses about what's going to work, what is there for press, what's actually a scalable business. Yes. How has your customer shook out and what does the company look like today?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
That's what we're saying right now. Just take that one back to your board. Thank you.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
It's like, it's so hard. And you have to make a decision. Like, what are we going to win out? What are we going to be best at? Because that is read. And especially at your price point, it's a really competitive business. And I think you've actually done a very good job. Like I know if I want a cashmere sweater for five, $600, like you do them beautifully.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
I know if I want a great stripy t-shirt or a great white shirt, do you know what I mean? I feel like you have a lane and it's very focused. Like you've done a good job at that. But there'll be other places where I imagine you go, you've kind of gone off and you've gone on a tangent. What happens when you make a mistake? Because we all do them. Yeah.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
Yeah. And I feel like reducing complexity because when you get the opportunity to do a lot of things, it can be really enticing, right? You're like, I can do this, I can do this, I can do this. And seemingly the world is your oyster because when you're you, there's just so much opportunity out there.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
And, and also, you know, I guess you could just kind of put the goop brand on so many things and make it work. So you just have to really reduce what you're doing.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
No, because you have product you can be really proud of. I do. Yeah. I mean, I'm slathered in goop body butter now. With the retinol times three, three days a week. I'm like, this is some good shit.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
But it has to be.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
Absolutely. So what happens when you make a misstep? Because I feel like in my career, and again, we don't talk nearly enough about this. I've made so many mistakes. I've gone off on tangents where I lost money. You know, we started shoes at Good American. It feels like, oh my goodness, like why? did we ever try to make sizes four through 14 in three different widths?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
Like if you wrote like a bad case for, you know, how to, you know, or a good case for how to lose money, that would have been it. Right. And I also feel like that's something that I can write off and say, okay, that was a creatively bad decision.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
But there are other decisions I've made that have been, I guess more, I've taken them more personally because it's resulted in having to do a riff, you know, a reduction in force. Yeah. And that, again, as a female founder, is something that I took really, really hard. Are there moments for you when you actually just go, I, I fucked it up and you, and you do end up taking it very personally.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
How do you get over those things? And how do you even, I just wonder how you framework that in your business because you don't get everything right. And I feel like we're setting people up for a fall if we tell them that we do, we do it right all the time.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
People would come to you for that.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
It's purposeful and it's like, we only want the tip of the top, the cream. That's right. And therefore we're just going to keep getting rid of the bottom. I think they do it at Facebook. They do it so many of the best in class businesses.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
Everywhere.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
The stories don't.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
The stories don't get written.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
Because it's much more a story on the other side of how they've cultivated a, you know, like excellence within the workforce, right? It's written that way. It isn't about like, oh my goodness, she over, you know, she over-egged the pudding. She over-expanded the business. And now there needs to, you know, 20 people need to get fired.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
Have you figured out a way of, you know, I always talk about it as like killing my darlings. Like when I, when I decide like, project is over, a moment is over, we have to make a big change. How have you kind of figured out how you can do that without feeling the heavy burden or is it just always heavy?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
And yeah, it was just... So it wasn't like, let me create a business that takes me away from this Oscar winning life. It was actually, let me aggregate all of this information that I have somewhere.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
Yeah.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
It doesn't get better. It doesn't get better later, but that decisiveness can be very, very hard to come by. It takes a lot of practice. It really takes a lot of practice. But you're there now. I'm there now. And as the CEO, these things are your decision. Yes. Because you are the CEO of this company. Yep. Like that is, that is your job.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
Did you envisage that you would be the CEO, like from the, from the outset? Because obviously you had a couple of people, then you had an interim. How long have you played that role?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
Do you envisage that there'll be a time when you'll be out of the business entirely, or do you just imagine transitioning into founder? Did you build a company actually that you could step aside from?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
Right. For sure.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
But if you could do it all over again, given what you've experienced and what's happened, would you be the CEO of Goop?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
And I feel like you're very good at it. I mean, you have to have been to build a company to this side. What kind of leader are you?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
Do you think that's harder because you're you? Because you come into the room as Gwyneth Paltrow. Like there's an expectation that you kind of have to be like a nice lady to people. You know, I don't think anybody has that expectation. They expect that I'm going to be... I don't know.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
I mean, I'm sure there is. There must be. But you've built a business that's really, I guess, incredibly sustainable in that it exists in this lane of its own and you believe it's going to be stable with or without you. I feel like that must feel like such an achievement, no?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
What would happen if you walked out tomorrow? Like if you left?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
Yeah. I feel like it's such, there's such clarity in the purpose of the business. I don't feel like it would be that difficult. If I was at Goop tomorrow, I feel like I'd be like, okay, I've got these three verticals and I know I'm not allowed to put any shit in the products.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
So at what point did you get the idea that this was something that you could actually monetize and turn into a proper business?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
I mean, no, no, who knows? You never know what's going to happen in life. We'll see how this goes. It's so funny.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
No more jobs needed over here. Let's know that. When you think about your ambition, you know, because I think that you are a person who is unapologetically ambitious and we've seen that in so many different facets from you. And so I just wonder like how you think about ambition at this point in your career when you have been famous for 30 years, like what are you excited about now?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
What are you ambitious about?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
I want my Brentwood chicken salad.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
I'm an LA girl now, so I would say that.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
No, thank you. No, thank you. And what do you wish you'd have known when you started out? Like hindsight's such a fine thing. And I always, I could come up with a list of 50 things I wish I'd have done differently. Do you feel like that?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
My guest today is someone whose first name is all the introduction she needs. She's an Oscar-winning actress and the founder and CEO who built Goop from a simple little newsletter into a global lifestyle brand.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
Oh, I love that.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
Shopify is the best thing since sliced bread. I mean, honestly, it's just amazing. Right. So why did I do that? I don't have an ad from Shopify. If you want to, if Shopify want to be here. Please come because I am the shop, the advocate for Shopify over here.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
You know how much money I've wasted? Oh, I can't imagine. Yeah. Yeah. And I do feel like, again, there's so much advice for female founders. I can't tell you how many people I talk out of building their own warehouse or their own 3PL. I'm like, that's not your business.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
But I do feel like, especially with businesses where there's a talent at the kind of forefront of the business, there's a moment where you kind of have this period where there can be such incredible acceleration in what you do. And you either jump in that window or you ever so slightly miss it.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
And it's frustrating to me because I feel like in every company I've ever been a part of, I can look back. Even though I feel like I lean into it as much as possible, I can look back and be like, oh, goodness me, I should have been more, should have, could have, would have.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
Do you give advice to younger founders? Like, do you find that you're there doing that? Because I know you invest in like a lot of companies and especially in female founders. What is your advice that you like to give most, most frequently?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
Like, do you feel like you were just born that way and you were the end customer? Like, how did you get into that point of constantly thinking about your customer? Because it's a difference between like making a product yourself and serving a customer base. Because I'm her.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
And so at this point, it's like you, did you rope in a couple of like journalist friends? No, it was me.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
Yeah, I think they do. And I mean, it's a really great way to think about it because I think it's hard to be good or to be excellent at something that you don't feel intrinsically and that you're really far away from being the customer. I'm like one of the top five Goop customers.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
That's psycho. I love that. I am. I need to go back and do a deal for you and your own company. What is happening here? My employment agreement is coming up, so I'll bring you in. Renegotiation. It's about to happen. Great. So how do you feel about ambition now?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
Because there was this amazing quote that you had and I'm going to read it so I don't bastardize your quote, but you spoke about your relationship with ambition and you said you have a healthy level of ambition, which I think is so clear from you. You know who you are and you want the world. First of all, that you just say that out loud. I want the world.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
Thank you very much for just being unapologetically ambitious. But then you said that there's another aspect that comes from damage. You say, I want that so a hole will be filled so that other people will find me worthy. and lovable. I think I was dancing between those things.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
And when I look at Goop, your family, the life that you've really curated around you, do you think that you've managed to balance that, like the dance between this healthy ambition and the wounded ambition? Did you find a balance there?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
More than you could ever imagine. I feel like there's like a book, a manifesto, like something in there. Because I feel like 50 for so many women is such an age that you dread, right? And the way that you just described it is like, an awakening and to get to that place where you have so much love for yourself and you can put yourself first. Like I love that version of turning 50.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
Did you have a grand plan? Did you have like a content plan and an idea of what you're putting out or were you just like, this is what I feel like? This is just what I feel like. Wow. So it really was that organic. And it stays that way for four or five years. It stays that way. Zero monetization. But weren't you a bit like... I need to like, I'm giving these tips.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
I'm here for that.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
It looks great on you. I mean, it really, really does. I do something. I get on the group chat because I have some fierce group chats. I'm like, what do you want to ask her? So this is what they want to ask you. Okay, I love this. This is for the girls in London. I love this. You're known as someone who still looks like yourself, which is so nuts.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
Every time I see you, I'm like, you just look like a better version of exactly what you looked like 20 years ago. It's really nuts. But you're very, you know, we know about Goop. We know about you. You're all about the natural beauty. But is there something that you do that we should all be doing? What is it?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
No, no, no.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
In Paris with that smoke.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
cigarette so chic but no not so much not so much for the skin I wanted to ask you about because you're very very close to your kids and I feel I don't feel like there's a time that I've ever spoken to you where either they're not around or they haven't they don't come into the conversation but you and your daughter Apple have a very very close relationship and I wonder if they've ever challenged you or if she's ever challenged you on something that you've said or done in public oh in public
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
I need to see some kind of backend because I would be like that. I'd be like, what is happening? I'm giving this free information out. Somebody pay me. I'm always looking for someone to pay me. I know, but this is why you're where you are.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
Which part of Goop still feels like you and what feels like it's just not so much? It all feels like me.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
Yeah. Oh, that's so lucky. It really does. I mean, that's an achievement. 16 years in that that business still feels like you.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
It's nuts. I know you do too. I really do. I mean, I'm a borderline obsessive person. That's how I feel. I'm really proud of it. What's one thing that people assume about you that's completely wrong, but maybe you secretly kind of love it?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
The first time I ever met you, actually it was the second time, second time I ever met you, we did a workout the first time, the second time I'd started another one of my ill-fated, uh, categories. An active line with Good American, there is no more. But I bought a piece of the active. I still have that jumpsuit.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
You took off your workout clothes in your kitchen. You put on the jumpsuit. I thought, can I quickly take a picture? No, don't do that. That's weird. You put it on and you did the whole workout on it. And you were like, this is amazing. And you gave me all this feedback. And I was like, this is so cool. Still have it. And you sent me a picture of yourself in it. Still have it.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
I can't believe that.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
Maybe it wasn't so bad, everybody. All right. We're going on to the rapid fire.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
The first thing that you do when you wake up, please.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
Oh, that's a good one.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
What a good one.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
Yeah. And it's the number one thing that you should do. What's the last thing you do before you go to bed? Cuddle my husband.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
So sexy. I love to look at you. He's like, that's not what I signed up for. But anyway, what are you currently aspiring for in your business life?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
It really was. And I think that if I'm ever speaking to founders, I was very lucky because I had all of these, they hate it when I call them the old guys, but they are fucking old. Like I had these older guys that sat on my board that were like, don't listen to the young'uns, those DTC fools over there. They don't get it. And so John Howard and Andrew Rosen, and actually my husband Jens were like,
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
EBITDA Emma learn the words understand it put money on the bottom line because when shit hits the fan and it will yep and it did yep that's what that's what's going to save you and I I'm so glad I listened and I just think I don't know like I thank God every day that that was the point of view because it's really hard to retrofit a business into exactly and so then and then you have like
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
All the things. Okay. I'm going to aspire to profitability.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
Thank you very much. What is something that you're currently aspiring to in your personal life?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
Are you perimenopausal?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
I learned that term from you.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
Perimenopause and then menopause.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
Well, I'll tell you how that goes when I get there. I mean, again, another conversation you started. I did not know the term. I did not know the doctor. I did not know what was happening. And you were like, maybe I was like, no. Yep. Thank you for that.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
Oh, I love that. Okay. That's a really fantastic answer. What is something that you valued when you were starting out that you don't now?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
No, that is a perfect answer. Then I asked you the other way around. Is there something that you value now that you actually didn't back then?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
Wow. What an incredible insight to end this on. I feel like there's so much learning in that again, because it's so hard. It's so hard for so many people to just have that level of honesty and also not even just with other people, but with yourself, right? You're like not
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
truthful and honest and admitting things to yourself and so it becomes really really difficult that's right to make the right decisions and to have the right conversations it's true wow so that's an area that I don't compromise anymore good for you yeah how incredible I love having you on thank you so much for the conversation thank you for having me thank you my dear
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
If you're loving this podcast, be sure to click follow on your favorite listening platform. While you're there, give us a review and a five-star rating and share an episode you loved with a friend. We'll be so grateful. Aspire with Emma Greed is presented by Odyssey. I'm your host, Emma Greed. Our executive producers are Corinne Gilead-Fisher, Derek Brown, and me.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
Our executive producers from Odyssey are Maddy Sprung-Kaiser, Leah Reese-Dennis, and Jenna Weiss-Berman. Justine Dom is our senior producer. Our producer is Kristen Torres. Sound design and engineering by Bill Schultz. Angela Peluso is our booker. Original music by Charles Black. Video production by Evan Cox and Kurt Courtney. Social media by Olivia Homan.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
Special thanks go to Brittany Smith, Sydney Ford, my teams at Jonesworks and WNE, Maura Curran, Josephina Francis, Hilary Shuff, Eric Donnelly, Kate Hutchinson-Rose, Tim Meikle, Sean Cherry, and Lauren Vieira. If you have questions for me, you can DM me at Aspire with Emma Greed. Greed is spelled G-R-E-D-E. That's Aspire, A-S-P-I-R-E, with me, Emma Greed.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
Or you can submit a question to me on my website, emmagreed.me.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
Now, depending on who you ask, she's a visionary, she's a cultural lightning rod, she's out of touch, she's ahead of her time, she's doing too much, not enough, or maybe she's just doing what she wants to be doing and what only she can. Welcome Gwyneth Paltrow to Aspire. I'm so thrilled to be here. I'm so happy to have you. Just really, really excited to have the conversation.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
Like brand partnerships?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
You said that you'd put a ton of money in. This was your own money or had you started to raise at that point? No, my own money. So you took your own money that you had, you know, earned and you just plowed it in thinking, I just, I love this. I'm a creative who wants to give something back. And that's just where my heart says to go. Exactly. Wow. Unbelievable. Okay.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
So at what point did you have the realization that this is something that could pay?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
Wow. That's unbelievable. And at that point, I just don't think there were that many editorialized platforms that were doing that, right? Like even the model wasn't fully fleshed. It certainly wasn't what it is today.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
So you're there, you understand there's a glimmer of an idea here. How do you go about building a team, raising money? I feel like, you know, because I think that we look at you and we're like, yeah, she must have had it all figured out. But it does feel like this business came about in such an organic way.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
And so many people that are listening will be sitting in their corporate jobs or thinking about starting a business. Where did you start? How did you start with those things?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
I mean, she's one of my favorite people. She's incredible.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
She's incredible. And a huge champion of female founders.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
You're so lovely for saying that. So I want to take you back a little bit because I think we all know you how we know you. We know you as Gwyneth. the actress, the Oscar winning actress, I should say.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
I'm going to get rid of this guy and become the CEO. That just kind of happened to you. You moved back to LA and what's like, what is, what does the business look like at this point? Was it like a functioning business with a staff and, you know, a set of, you know, priorities and a business plan, or is it still something that you're just figuring out and tinkering with?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
But I think that for so many people, you know, we think that there's a time and a moment in our career where there's a pivot on the horizon, where we're in something and whether we like it or not, whether we need to or not, there's kind of this burning desire to do something else.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
But it feels, first of all, I think it's so interesting that you say you started to hire people that were really passionate. Yeah. Because I always hire for passion and attitude over experience. You weren't trying to look for like e-com experts. You were like, who cares about what I'm doing?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
I couldn't agree with you more because I feel like when you get really seasoned experts, my number one thing is that I need you to also be flexible because if you're coming to me from any other company where you've had this like real understanding of the business, I want that experience, but I need you to come to me and have the flexibility to do things differently. Exactly.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
As a mother of four, I know only too well the importance of nutrition for your little ones. Bobby isn't just another formula, it's a movement. One that started with a mum who wanted something better for her babies and yours.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
After three years of research, testing and retesting, and relentless mum-led development, Bobby launched the world's first USDA organic whole milk infant formula manufactured right here in the US. Bobby is launching the first of its kind recipe. It's Bobby's closest recipe to breast milk yet.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
It's packaged with ingredients that support brain development, plus more naturally occurring full fat cream and fewer added oils deliver smoother poops. Bobby supports every feeding journey with simple, organic, high quality formulas that bring their best for your best.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
Their ingredients meet the strictest organic standards in the world because USDA organic isn't something you buy, it's something you earn. Bonus, it tastes good. Don't take our word for it. Your baby's bottle will tell you. Bobby is available online and at a retailer near you. Exclusively for our Aspire listeners, Bobby is offering an additional 10% off your purchase with the code ASPIRE.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Gwyneth Paltrow: Why Being Early Is Better Than Being Liked
Visit www.highbobby.com for more details. That's H-I-B-O-B-B-I-E.com. So tell me about when you decided there's a business here and I'm actually going to go out and raise finance and take this very seriously. Yeah.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Emma’s Blueprint: 10 Principles That Can Change Your Life
Welcome to Aspire with me, Emma Greed. Over the past 20 years, I've built, run and invested in some incredible businesses. I co-founded a multi-billion dollar unicorn and helped grow companies worth hundreds and hundreds of millions of dollars. And at the same time, I'm raising four kids right here in Los Angeles. But trust me, that's a long way from where I started.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Emma’s Blueprint: 10 Principles That Can Change Your Life
The key take out here, you cannot outrun your past. You can't keep pushing it aside and expect to move forward. If you want to grow, you have to face your demons head on. It's hard, but it's absolutely necessary. There's this idea out there that being a man means having all the answers, never cracking, always being the strong one.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Emma’s Blueprint: 10 Principles That Can Change Your Life
But the reality, that's a heavy burden to carry and no one should have to do it alone. Struggling doesn't mean you're weak. It means you're human. Talking to someone can make a huge difference. Therapy gives you a safe space to say what's really on your mind, to learn how to cope in healthier ways and to show up better for yourself and the people around you.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Emma’s Blueprint: 10 Principles That Can Change Your Life
Even if you've never tried therapy before, it's worth exploring. BetterHelp makes getting started simple. They've got over 35,000 licensed therapists and have already helped more than 5 million people. It's all online so you can connect on your schedule and you can switch therapists at any time if you want to try someone new.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Emma’s Blueprint: 10 Principles That Can Change Your Life
As the largest online therapy provider in the world, BetterHelp can provide access to mental health professionals with a diverse variety of expertise. Talk it out with BetterHelp. Our listeners get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com slash aspire. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash aspire. Number five, take responsibility for your life. So here's a tough one.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Emma’s Blueprint: 10 Principles That Can Change Your Life
How much of what happens in your life are you able to take responsibility for? It's a tough question and one worth thinking about. I feel like I was brought up in quite a blamey culture. Nothing was our fault. Everything was about what the neighbor did, what the government was doing, what, you know, anybody else was doing. Everything happening all around was about what somebody else was doing.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Emma’s Blueprint: 10 Principles That Can Change Your Life
But it was never about us. It was never our personal responsibility. I grew up in East London, an impoverished part of inner city London. I went to a really tough school when I did go to school, that is. And I've always been a little bit frustrated that I didn't have a better education.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Emma’s Blueprint: 10 Principles That Can Change Your Life
When I got to the London College of Fashion, I went to school with a lot of girls that had been privately educated. And they were a hell of a lot smarter than me. And I was very blaming that I hadn't had a similar education. And I started to say and tell myself that I would never get through this college class. How could I?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Emma’s Blueprint: 10 Principles That Can Change Your Life
Because when every step you take starts with you, everything becomes possible, especially when you put in the work. And to borrow from one of my favorite mentors, the mentor I have in my head, Oprah Winfrey, it's one of the only things I know for sure.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Emma’s Blueprint: 10 Principles That Can Change Your Life
Everybody else that's here has had a better start and therefore they'll have a better ending. At this point, my mother had moved a couple of hours outside of London and the commute for me to get to college every day was exhausting. But more than that, it felt unfair.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Emma’s Blueprint: 10 Principles That Can Change Your Life
These certainly weren't the only reasons, but they amounted to enough of a reason that I dropped out of college after less than a year. I just didn't think it was for me and I'm not the type of person that wants to come in fourth or fifth or sixth place. So I left. After leaving, it was really hard to get a job.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Emma’s Blueprint: 10 Principles That Can Change Your Life
And once again, I was pretty annoyed and ready to point the finger because I just didn't have the type of friends or family that knew anyone to get me into a place that would be useful for work experience and that would be a great opportunity for me. So I started to look outside myself and blame life and my circumstances once again.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Emma’s Blueprint: 10 Principles That Can Change Your Life
Until one day, I watched an episode of Oprah, and there she was talking about the power of taking ultimate responsibility for everything. And it changed my life forever. Now, it's really important to say that we all start out in different places in life.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Emma’s Blueprint: 10 Principles That Can Change Your Life
And it's absolutely true to say that many, many people start out with an unfair hand and have to work a hell of a lot harder for things that are just a given for someone else. But if you're like me, if you believe in mindset, if you believe that the stories you tell yourself become your reality, then you'll know that the quickest way to change your trajectory is to take responsibility for yourself.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Emma’s Blueprint: 10 Principles That Can Change Your Life
Another one of my favorite quotes is that if you don't know what to focus on, focus on yourself, which is exactly what I did in the moments after watching that fateful Oprah episode. I was focused entirely on what I was in control of. I took responsibility for the time that I woke up in the morning, for the number of letters that I would write to prospective employers.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Emma’s Blueprint: 10 Principles That Can Change Your Life
I took responsibility for following up those letters with a phone call in a timely manner. Sometimes I would even hand deliver letters just because I'd been ignored so many times and I wanted to make sure that they were actually receiving the post. I worked seven days a week and I opened my eyes to everything that could become an opportunity.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Emma’s Blueprint: 10 Principles That Can Change Your Life
And when things didn't work out, I told myself that it was my responsibility and I figured out whatever part I might have to play in the things that didn't go my way. And even if sometimes I thought I was forcing those reasons, there would be some inkling of truth or some small learning that would mean I didn't fall into the same trap next time.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Emma’s Blueprint: 10 Principles That Can Change Your Life
My experience has been that when you're in a downward spiral, taking responsibility in the capacity you have is the single best thing that you can do. Now I'm talking about a particularly early part of my life, but when I think about how that translates to what I do now, I think that it's my responsibility to figure out how to make myself happy.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Emma’s Blueprint: 10 Principles That Can Change Your Life
So today I want to take some time with you to break down what that really means, to share the real stuff, 10 key takeaways that have shaped my journey. Some I wish I'd known sooner, and I'm going to keep it 100% honest.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Emma’s Blueprint: 10 Principles That Can Change Your Life
It's my responsibility to work out how to be the best parent to my four kids while I balance my ambition. And when I'm exhausted and I'm frustrated and I feel a sense of overwhelm, I know my responsibility is to correct that and figure out a path forward. No one is coming to save you. No one. This was a hard pill for me to swallow.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Emma’s Blueprint: 10 Principles That Can Change Your Life
When things went wrong, it was easy to point fingers at other people, at circumstances, at things outside my control. But here's the truth. I am responsible for where I am today, for the good and for the bad. Right, that key take out part again. Taking responsibility means owning your choices and Every mistake, every failure, it's yours.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Emma’s Blueprint: 10 Principles That Can Change Your Life
And the moment I took full responsibility, I started to see real growth. Because when you take ownership, you stop playing the victim and you become empowered. I'm not saying it's easy, but it is necessary for me, for you and for all of us. And to quote one of my favorite quotes, don't forget, the water doesn't get any warmer if you jump in late. Number six. The only thing you can control is you.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Emma’s Blueprint: 10 Principles That Can Change Your Life
The truth everyone needs to hear, there's so much you can control and just as much that you absolutely cannot. As an entrepreneur, here's what I know for sure. You can control your vision, your energy, your standards, how you show up. Every single day, you can control these things.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Emma’s Blueprint: 10 Principles That Can Change Your Life
You can choose your mindset, your team, your boundaries, how you respond when things don't go as planned, but you can't control other people's opinions. You can't control the pace of somebody else's journey or every twist and turn in the market. And trying to control those things, that is what drains your energy.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Emma’s Blueprint: 10 Principles That Can Change Your Life
Let me tell you the first four things I think about every day as a matter of practice. These things we all have control over. And I promise you that if you get hold of them, they'll make the biggest differences to your life. The first one, how you speak to yourself. My great friend, Diane, Diane von Fustenberg says this,
Aspire with Emma Grede
Emma’s Blueprint: 10 Principles That Can Change Your Life
The most important relationship you'll ever have is the one you have with yourself. So make it a practice to speak to yourself well and with intention. Here's the next one, how you respond to others. Life is short and the world is really small. And I can tell you countless stories of how the same people come back into my life in different ways over and over again.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Emma’s Blueprint: 10 Principles That Can Change Your Life
Are you someone that walks into the room and brings energy or do you drain it? Choosing and being deliberate, looking people in the eye, saying hello, a little smile, acknowledging a small detail or something that you know might be important to someone else, or just taking a little moment for a chat. This is how people experience you. This is the stuff that matters.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Emma’s Blueprint: 10 Principles That Can Change Your Life
And when you change the way you relate to others, everything gets better and you don't have to do much. You'll get it back automatically. The next two things are really simple. How do you wake up and how do you go to bed? How you start your day and what you choose to do before you go to bed is your choice. I'll tell you my life changed with two simple moves in the morning.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Emma’s Blueprint: 10 Principles That Can Change Your Life
I've kept a journal since I was 12 years old. In my late teens, it turned into a gratitude journal and I still keep this daily practice. There's no doubt that you've heard about the benefits of practicing gratitude. My simple point of view is that it's something I can't live without doing. Your entire perspective will change when you focus on what's good in your life.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Emma’s Blueprint: 10 Principles That Can Change Your Life
I decided to get an alarm clock and plug my phone into charge in a different room. Yes, it's that simple. I refuse to look at an email or at the news before I've spoken to my husband in bed for at least 15 minutes over a coffee or whatever I might do that morning. It might sound a little dramatic.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Emma’s Blueprint: 10 Principles That Can Change Your Life
You ask how something so small could actually be life-changing, but the ability to think clearly and to feel what I feel instead of letting the news or social media sweep me up has been a total game changer. And then it comes down to what do I do before I go to bed? Before I go to bed, I have the best nightly routine. I check all of my kids and I do a little prayer at the door.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Emma’s Blueprint: 10 Principles That Can Change Your Life
On weeknights, we'll read a few pages of whatever book I'm reading. I'll have a cup of herbal tea and I'll take a few deep breaths. Every single day of my life, I am ripping through the day. I go from meeting to meeting to meeting without a breath. I deal with mostly problems and I could go to bed checking emails and making lists, wound up for the following day.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Emma’s Blueprint: 10 Principles That Can Change Your Life
It's a choice to take the temperature down and reflect and have a moment of gratitude. Making sure my day opens and closes with a sense of purpose gives my life a simple framework rooted in the things that matter to me. And what is more important than that? Number seven, you have got to take risks.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Emma’s Blueprint: 10 Principles That Can Change Your Life
If there's one thing you take away from this session today, one thing that you remember that you write down is this sentence. Risk is a requirement. Playing it safe is the real danger. If you're building anything worth having, whether it's a business, a brand, or just a life that lights you up, there are going to be moments when you are standing on the edge, wondering if the leap is worth it.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Emma’s Blueprint: 10 Principles That Can Change Your Life
And I'll tell you right now, it almost always is. I moved to America with two kids under the age of three years old. I left my family and everything that was familiar and comfortable in the UK. I had sold my company.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Emma’s Blueprint: 10 Principles That Can Change Your Life
And with that, all the certainty of my working reality, the place where I knew everything about the space I operated in, only to become an apparel CEO, which I knew very, very little about. I tell you this because I know how scary it is. I know what it is to have real responsibilities and I know what it is to be so bloody comfortable and not really need to take a risk.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Emma’s Blueprint: 10 Principles That Can Change Your Life
But for that tiny voice inside of your head that says there is something more out there for me. Risk isn't reckless. It's required. It's the bridge between who you are and who you're becoming. Every person you admire has a trail of bold decisions behind them. And yes, some of them didn't work out. I've done a lot of things that didn't work out as planned.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Emma’s Blueprint: 10 Principles That Can Change Your Life
But every one of them teaches you something that you couldn't have learned by playing it safe. Too often we're taught to crave certainty, to wait for for the plan, the approval, the perfect timing, but I promise you, it's a waste of time. So the question is, how do you get better at risk-taking? And the answer is, you start small.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Emma’s Blueprint: 10 Principles That Can Change Your Life
You build that muscle, you get used to discomfort, and you ask, what's the worst that could happen? And what's the best that could happen if I trust myself? Playing it safe is the most dangerous thing you can do when you've got really big dreams. So today, I challenge you to take one bold step. Send the email, pitch the idea, launch the offer, say the scary thing, ask for what you want.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Emma’s Blueprint: 10 Principles That Can Change Your Life
Because every time you choose courage over comfort, you're building the future that you actually want. And that, my dears, is a risk worth taking. Number eight. The work is non-negotiable. There is no other way for me to say this than I probably work an unhealthy amount. I sketched out the outline for this show at 11 p.m. on a Friday night. It's all fun and games at my house.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Emma’s Blueprint: 10 Principles That Can Change Your Life
I go into my office at least four days a week, usually five. And even if I'm not in the office on a Friday, I'm out and about and I'm taking meetings or I'm at my home all day, but I'm doing work. I work in the evenings and I work on the weekends. I love the work I do. but I work all the time.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Emma’s Blueprint: 10 Principles That Can Change Your Life
Now there have for sure been periods in my career, in my twenties and in my thirties, where I had an unhealthy relationship to work, where I lived in London. I would wake myself up in the middle of the night to respond to a lawyer's comments on a celebrity contract, because given the time difference in LA, by the time that I would wake up, they'd be asleep. And inevitably the turnaround time
Aspire with Emma Grede
Emma’s Blueprint: 10 Principles That Can Change Your Life
When you're trying to close a deal and keep clients happy, it was just not something that I could bear. Now, while I would never advocate for unhealthy working practices like that, I'd be lying if I said there wasn't a moment in your life and in your career where it made sense to put the pedal to the metal. And for me, that was in my 20s. At this time of my life, I didn't have a mortgage.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Emma’s Blueprint: 10 Principles That Can Change Your Life
I didn't have any big responsibilities, no kids. I could apply myself 100% to my work. And oh my goodness, did I. I'd also say that there is a huge gap in my own friendship group between those that really applied themselves during their twenties and those that just didn't. Now, this type of work ethic isn't for everybody. And I don't think that you can't be successful because
Aspire with Emma Grede
Emma’s Blueprint: 10 Principles That Can Change Your Life
if you're not willing to go all out. But there is something to be said for what it takes to be excellent at something and what it takes to really, truly apply yourself. Personally, what I found really helpful is to have a focus with work. And what I mean by that is to have an end goal, to be clear about what you're working towards and make sure that your energy is spent wisely.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Emma’s Blueprint: 10 Principles That Can Change Your Life
There is a smart way to work really hard and killing yourself without any big picture in mind will never be satisfying. Now, I know that people are tired of hustle culture and I know that work-life balance is important. It's important to prioritize looking after yourself. And as much as I dislike the term self-care, I love what it actually means for me.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Emma’s Blueprint: 10 Principles That Can Change Your Life
Number one, know what you don't know. Let's be honest. How well do you really know yourself? I'm not just talking about what type of personality you have or what you're good at. I'm asking, do you know what you don't know? What are the things you're not great at? What are the skills that you lack, the areas where you need help? In other words, are you honest with yourself about your weaknesses?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Emma’s Blueprint: 10 Principles That Can Change Your Life
And I do take it very seriously because in order to be able to really push it, you have to be looking after yourself. But if we're not honest about what hard work is and how much you have to put in, then I would just be lying to you. Most of the work I've done in my life has not been enjoyable. And I'm so lucky that I find myself in enjoyable work at the age of 42. But I've delivered newspapers.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Emma’s Blueprint: 10 Principles That Can Change Your Life
I've made sandwiches. I've worked in countless clothing stores. I've packed more packages than I care to remember. But I did it knowing that it was leading to somewhere.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Emma’s Blueprint: 10 Principles That Can Change Your Life
And I do think that there's an element, whether you work in a mailroom or you're the most junior person that has kind of all the relentless busy work to do and still does like the coffee run or if you're stuck in a really unfulfilling job, that we all have to pay our dues in some way or another on the path to something greater. It's just part of it.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Emma’s Blueprint: 10 Principles That Can Change Your Life
And it's in those times of your life that it's important that you bring a level of curiosity and willingness and an ability to look and see the bigger picture and figure out your leverage because it's always there if you're willing to look. The key take out, remember, don't get disillusioned with the work, but know that it's an essential part of getting to where you want to go.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Emma’s Blueprint: 10 Principles That Can Change Your Life
And the quicker you put 100 in, the quicker you'll be able to get something meaningful out. Number nine, you can have it all, but not all at once. Okay. This might just be my favorite subject ever. I think it was Shonda Rhimes who first put me onto the idea of trade-offs. So the credit goes there.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Emma’s Blueprint: 10 Principles That Can Change Your Life
Shonda says that when she's killing it in one place in her career, she's inevitably having to do a trade-off somewhere else. And this is true for so many of us. For me, it's not the realization that you need to make a trade-off that's hard to grapple with. It's the decision about what's going to give that's the hardest.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Emma’s Blueprint: 10 Principles That Can Change Your Life
So I want to frame how you can think about trade-offs because I think I've got a way to make those decisions more streamlined. I mentioned before that I'm pretty goal oriented and I have these big plans that I write both annually and for each decade. In fact, one day we'll do a whole episode on how to build out the plans. But for right now, this is the key take out.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Emma’s Blueprint: 10 Principles That Can Change Your Life
When you have a goal, it's really important to say no to things that aren't getting you closer to your goals.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Emma’s Blueprint: 10 Principles That Can Change Your Life
And so when you think about the trade-offs, the things that don't get you closer to your goals have to go, unless, and there's only ever one exception, if there are things that give your life meaning, family obligations, spiritual or religious obligations, things like that, those things have to stay. So let me give you an example.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Emma’s Blueprint: 10 Principles That Can Change Your Life
If there's a family event in England or my best friend's birthday, that's where I'll be every single time. I am never missing making memories. If there's a party I've been invited to, I've made a commitment to read three mornings a week before I go out. I am not going to that party. It's sad, but it's true.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Emma’s Blueprint: 10 Principles That Can Change Your Life
The thesis here is that something's got to give and that you can have it all, but not all at the same time. And so being really clear about what's most important to you is what you have to work out first. I am never going to sacrifice the happiness of my kids, but there's a finite amount of things that make my kids happy.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Emma’s Blueprint: 10 Principles That Can Change Your Life
And something such as volunteering at your school has nothing to do with your kid. It's about the expectations of your particular school. So just say no and be comfortable in that decision. Also know that sometimes you'll be saying no to something you really, really, really want to do and you've got to be comfortable with that too.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Emma’s Blueprint: 10 Principles That Can Change Your Life
The important thing here is to communicate with everyone around you because it's the expectations that are just so overwhelming. When you're asked to do something that isn't a priority for you, immediately shut it down and explain that you won't do it. Don't offer any long explanation. Just say, I'm sorry, I won't. The takeout here is that the trade-offs are real.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Emma’s Blueprint: 10 Principles That Can Change Your Life
The great news is that you get to decide what they are. The last one, and one that is just so key to my heart, always be learning. Number 10, always be learning. One of my most overused quotes is, the more you learn, the more you earn. It's a Warren Buffett quote, and we all know I love Warren.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Emma’s Blueprint: 10 Principles That Can Change Your Life
We all have them. I'm dyslexic. I find it really hard to read spreadsheets, especially those full of numbers. I have a very short attention span. I hate long meetings and I really don't like big meetings with more than four or five people. And yet every week I need to sit in collection reviews with 40 or 50 people present from all divisions of the business.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Emma’s Blueprint: 10 Principles That Can Change Your Life
If we're talking about the mindset that separates good from great, being in constant learning mode has to be top of my list. And it's one of the main reasons I started this podcast. I believe that exposure to ideas, to information, to knowledge, to people and to things that are new to you, and maybe even at odds with your own deeply held beliefs, this is what ultimately will help make us great.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Emma’s Blueprint: 10 Principles That Can Change Your Life
I was a terrible student. Not realizing that I was dyslexic until I was in my early 20s clearly didn't help. But even so, my whole life, I've had an insatiable appetite for learning. As a woman building something powerful, you don't get to stop growing. Staying in learning mode means you're always asking better questions, staying curious and refusing to let your ego block your evolution.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Emma’s Blueprint: 10 Principles That Can Change Your Life
For me, it's a lot of reading, a lot of reading. But listening is a skill that I've developed as I got older. Not always having something to say is very hard for me, but it's an asset that I've developed, as is watching everyone around me and observing those I aspire to. But more than that, it's applying what I've learned. Learning for me is finding lessons in the wins and the losses.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Emma’s Blueprint: 10 Principles That Can Change Your Life
surrounding myself with people that challenge me and staying open even when I think I already know the answer. So I want to leave you just with some practical tips. Here's practically how I continue learning in my own life. And because I don't have a lot of time, and I'm sure you don't either, these are just the things that I do. The first one is like, create micro learning moments.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Emma’s Blueprint: 10 Principles That Can Change Your Life
Instead of binging content, commit to 15 or 30 minutes a day of intentional learning. Read a book, listen to a podcast episode, or watch a quick TED Talk while getting ready or commuting. Number two, ask better questions. At the end of the day, you can just reflect. What did I learn today? What challenged me? What could I do differently next time?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Emma’s Blueprint: 10 Principles That Can Change Your Life
These are like simple prompts that keep your brain in growth mode. Number three is you can schedule learning like a meeting. Block off time to read, take a course or study something that stretches you. If it's not on your calendar, it won't happen consistently. Number four, surround yourself with teachers. This could be mentors, mastermind groups, or friends who just think bigger.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Emma’s Blueprint: 10 Principles That Can Change Your Life
Who you spend your time with will either expand or limit your growth. Number five, teach what you learn. Share your insights on social media with your team because when you teach it, you repeat it and you own it. And don't forget, stay humble and curious. Remind yourself often, I don't know everything. And that's exactly why I'm going to go further than most.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Emma’s Blueprint: 10 Principles That Can Change Your Life
The take out here is applying learnings takes a lot of practice, but it really is the difference between good and great. So let's summarize all of this. The best pathway to your success is starting with yourself. The 10 ways that I do that, the 10 principles that guide my life and the way that I do business. Number one, know what you don't know. You don't have to be an expert in everything.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Emma’s Blueprint: 10 Principles That Can Change Your Life
Hire people better than you in your weak areas and get out of their way. Number two, leverage what you've got. Leverage your relationships, reputation and current opportunities to take your next step. Number three, always, always, always be yourself. Embrace your uniqueness. It is your superpower. Number four, you have to deal with all your old shit.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Emma’s Blueprint: 10 Principles That Can Change Your Life
I know these things, these weaknesses about myself, and I would never be successful if I haven't figured out a way to combat them. I can tell you right now, one of the biggest breakthroughs I had was when I finally admitted I don't know everything. And the next breakthrough I had was when I stopped pretending to everybody else that I did.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Emma’s Blueprint: 10 Principles That Can Change Your Life
You can only move forward when you face your demons. Number five, take responsibility for your life. Own your story, failures and all. Number six, the only thing you can control is you. Focusing on the uncontrollable is unproductive. Always prioritize what you can and change. Number seven, you've got to take risks. Take one bold step today. Pitch, ask, launch, or just speak up.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Emma’s Blueprint: 10 Principles That Can Change Your Life
Number eight, the work is non-negotiable. Do the work with a bigger picture in mind. Number nine, you can have it all, but not all at once. You decide what matters. Own your trade-offs confidently. And lastly, number 10, always be learning. Apply what you learn. This is the gap between good and great. Thank you for spending time with me today on the Aspire podcast.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Emma’s Blueprint: 10 Principles That Can Change Your Life
I hope that you leave here today with at least one thing that will impact your life, no matter how small. See you next time. If you're loving this podcast, be sure to click follow on your favorite listening platform. While you're there, give us a review and a five-star rating and share an episode you loved with a friend. We'll be so grateful. Aspire with Emma Greed is presented by Odyssey.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Emma’s Blueprint: 10 Principles That Can Change Your Life
I'm your host, Emma Greed. Our executive producers are Corinne Gilead-Fisher, Derek Brown, and me. Our executive producers from Odyssey are Maddy Sprung-Kaiser, Leah Reese-Dennis, Asha Saluja, and Jenna Weiss-Berman. Justine Dom is our senior producer. Our producer is Kristen Torres. Sound design and engineering by Bill Shultz. Angela Peluso is our booker. Original music by Charles Black.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Emma’s Blueprint: 10 Principles That Can Change Your Life
Video production by Evan Cox, Kurt Courtney, Andrew Steele, Carlos Delgado, and Arnie Agassi. Social media by Olivia Homan. Special thanks go to Brittany Smith, Sydney Ford, my teams at Jonesworks and WNE, Maura Curran, Josephina Francis, Hilary Shuff, Eric Donnelly, Kate Hutchinson-Rose, Tim Meeker, Sean Cherry, and Lauren Vieira.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Emma’s Blueprint: 10 Principles That Can Change Your Life
If you have questions for me, you can DM me at Aspire with Emma Greed. Greed is spelled G-R-E-D-E. That's Aspire, A-S-P-I-R-E, with Emma Greed. Or you can submit a question to me on my website, emagreed.me.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Emma’s Blueprint: 10 Principles That Can Change Your Life
As with so many women, I've been stuck in the perfectionist trap where I felt like I needed to be great at everything and have all the answers. The fear of not being good enough or falling short of expectations can be overwhelming. Perfectionism often arises from this desire to avoid criticism or rejection, which is so real when you're out of your comfort zone, just like I am now somewhat.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Emma’s Blueprint: 10 Principles That Can Change Your Life
But when you're starting something new and when you're pushing yourself, it really comes up over and over again. I've sat in meetings and I've masked what I didn't know. And I thought for a long time that not being particularly strong with numbers or with finance meant that I should actually never be allowed to run a business.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Emma’s Blueprint: 10 Principles That Can Change Your Life
Until that is, until one day I started asking questions, not just to the people I had directly around me, but actively making calls to anyone I thought that might want to chat and help me work for a problem. I called my agency clients. I called my old colleagues. I spoke to the bosses of friends. I even called competitors. And I started to become someone who would find answers.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Emma’s Blueprint: 10 Principles That Can Change Your Life
When I started my first business, I thought I should be able to do it all. I thought being in charge meant having every answer. I micromanaged everything. I thought if I didn't control it, then it would never get done. But you know what? That only created chaos. And the moment I stepped back and trusted the people that I hired, my business exploded.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Emma’s Blueprint: 10 Principles That Can Change Your Life
I grew up in a rough neighborhood in East London, one of four sisters raised by a single mom. I've really come a long way and I've learned a lot. But this, this podcasting thing is brand new territory for me. I've built businesses rooted in purpose, but they weren't always my purpose.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Emma’s Blueprint: 10 Principles That Can Change Your Life
But in reality, what it actually meant was being honest with myself and being crystal clear on what I wasn't good at and what skills I needed to hire for. It took me a while to get there, but being willing to hire the best people and get out of their way was a breakthrough. Today, if I'm really honest, one of the best parts about my job is finding talent.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Emma’s Blueprint: 10 Principles That Can Change Your Life
I love nothing more than bringing the best people from all over the world to work with me. And I lean in to what I don't know. I don't despair that they might be more knowledgeable, that they might have more experience, that they might be more articulate or present better than I do. In fact, it's the absolute opposite because surrounding myself with the best people makes me look good.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Emma’s Blueprint: 10 Principles That Can Change Your Life
And I don't need to go around pretending. I can double down on what I do uniquely well and what I bring to the table. The key take out here is that you don't need to be an expert at everything. Just make sure that you create awareness of your weaknesses. Don't fake it. Find people that know better than you do and learn to ask the right questions whenever you have the opportunity.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Emma’s Blueprint: 10 Principles That Can Change Your Life
And know your strengths and then hire people that are better than you in areas where you're weak and then get out of their way and let them work. In other words, know what you don't know and be in relentless pursuit to ask the right questions. Next, number two. Leverage what you've got. This is a key strategy that changed the trajectory of my career.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Emma’s Blueprint: 10 Principles That Can Change Your Life
Leverage is taking one thing, whether it's an opportunity, a skill, or even a relationship, and using it to springboard into something bigger. Now listen, I don't know about you, but I've never had a problem with vision. I've always been able to see into the future and know exactly what was coming down the path for me.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Emma’s Blueprint: 10 Principles That Can Change Your Life
But I'd be lying if I said that it had all worked out or that I knew exactly how I was going to get there. And that's why I started making plans shortly before my 30th birthday. So I could really chart how I was going to be successful and what I needed to do to get there. I ultimately realized that one of the superpowers I have is the ability to leverage.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Emma’s Blueprint: 10 Principles That Can Change Your Life
And what I mean by that is that I've made it a habit to take whatever I've had, whatever the situation was, and use it as a springboard to get me to the next place. So let me give you a couple of real examples. I started my career working in a fashion show production company, which sounds very glamorous.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Emma’s Blueprint: 10 Principles That Can Change Your Life
But essentially, I was building the sets for catwalk shows, which is a completely thankless task. You spend three months developing this beautiful concept alongside a designer and their team. The show goes up and down in seven minutes. And as the event producer, you're backstage. You don't see any of it, like not a sausage.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Emma’s Blueprint: 10 Principles That Can Change Your Life
And you would be taking down your work to restore the venue back to what it was before you started right afterwards. Three months of work, just poof, gone. Meanwhile, everybody else is talking to the press or going off to the next show or the next party that you are completely uninvited to. This was my life for over five years.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Emma’s Blueprint: 10 Principles That Can Change Your Life
It wasn't until I stepped into leadership, mentoring others, guiding teams, that I actually realized what really drives me. Helping people find their own path, their own success, that's what drives me. So when I thought about launching this show, two words kept coming up for me, intention and purpose. That is the heart of Aspire.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Emma’s Blueprint: 10 Principles That Can Change Your Life
It might well have been the least rewarding job I've ever had in my life. Or was it? Ultimately, I used that job to understand fundamentally how the fashion business worked. Why were people at the fashion shows? Well, they were there to buy the collections and create press stories and reviews to publicize the shows.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Emma’s Blueprint: 10 Principles That Can Change Your Life
And every single person that attended those shows was a potential good contact for me. Every client who had a show could be useful to me in some way, shape or form. And so when I eventually left that company, not only did I have a lot of contacts that I could leverage, but I also had a reputation that I could leverage.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Emma’s Blueprint: 10 Principles That Can Change Your Life
My reputation at that young age wasn't about doing anything dramatically good or different, but I was known as a really hard worker, as someone that had so much passion for the industry and someone that was clearly going to do whatever it took to get to the next stage in her career.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Emma’s Blueprint: 10 Principles That Can Change Your Life
And so I leveraged those things about myself into my next position and ultimately found the client base for my first agency business within those contacts that I'd made. And so the story went on. Those contacts became my clients. Those clients gave me bigger and bigger and bigger projects and opportunities.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Emma’s Blueprint: 10 Principles That Can Change Your Life
And eventually, when I needed to raise money for my first startup 10 years later, who did I go to? Not a fund or a VC. I didn't know any of those type of people. I went to a client who I had a reputation of delivering excellent work with and a long and trusted working relationship with.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Emma’s Blueprint: 10 Principles That Can Change Your Life
And not only was I able to pitch my idea and the potential of an investment, but I also managed to make that person a trusted advisor and someone that would help me throughout the years. The key take out here is that it's not always easy to see your path forward. And I have so many people that come to me asking about the next step.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Emma’s Blueprint: 10 Principles That Can Change Your Life
How do they get from where they are today to where they want to be? And my simple answer is that you have to be excellent at what you're doing right now, where you are today. The single best way to be noticed and to be able to use the leverage that you might have is for people to notice how good you are right now at what you're doing in this moment.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Emma’s Blueprint: 10 Principles That Can Change Your Life
And for you to find ways that you can take what you have today and use those things to springboard you to your next move. That's leverage. And it's really something that all of us can access. Number three. Always be yourself. Always be yourself. Everyone else is taken. I think it was Oscar Wilde that said that. And I love this quote.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Emma’s Blueprint: 10 Principles That Can Change Your Life
Depending on what type of person you are, the idea of being yourself is either something that's so obvious or not even a discussion point, or it's something that you'll really struggle with. I've always felt pretty comfortable in my own skin. Until I was about 17, I was doing a lot of work experience.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Emma’s Blueprint: 10 Principles That Can Change Your Life
I'd go into different PR agencies in London and I would realize very quickly that I wasn't like the other interns. I didn't look like the other interns. I definitely didn't speak like the other interns. And I didn't have the lunch budget of these kids, which really, really annoyed me. They'd all go off to these fancy lunches and I was so pissed about it.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Emma’s Blueprint: 10 Principles That Can Change Your Life
For a while, I thought the name of the game was to fit in until it came to being chosen for a specific assignment. And I remember the moment like it was yesterday. Quite rudely, one of the account directors said, I'll use her and went on to refer to me as the one who sounded like a Cockney Barrow boy. Now, to a lot of American listeners, you won't really understand that.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Emma’s Blueprint: 10 Principles That Can Change Your Life
My intention's really simple, to bring you conversations with some of the most brilliant thought leaders and minds in business, to give you insights, tools, and takeaways to build the life you want on your terms. I want every guest to be the mentor in your head, the voice that pushes you, that inspires you, and that reminds you just how powerful you are.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Emma’s Blueprint: 10 Principles That Can Change Your Life
But let me tell you, it is not a term of endearment. But rather than take huge offense, something inside me was so happy at being chosen to work on this specific account. I just let it slide. Once I had a chance to digest the very shitty comment, I reasoned that for me, and in that moment, it was better to stand out, to not change my accent and the way that I was raised to speak.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Emma’s Blueprint: 10 Principles That Can Change Your Life
And in that second, and from then on, I've really understood what it means to be unapologetically yourself. What I learned as I got older is that all the things that made me stand out in a room at work and in business are the things that became huge points of differentiation for me.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Emma’s Blueprint: 10 Principles That Can Change Your Life
The fact that I dropped out of college and went straight to work meant that I was younger than most of the people that I was working around. And as a result, people really looked after me. I was like the baby. And for a while, that was really good for me. Because I hadn't been trained in attacking a problem through the lens of business school, I would go straight into figure it out mode.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Emma’s Blueprint: 10 Principles That Can Change Your Life
Nowadays, we call it test and learn. But back then, it was just throw it at a wall and see what sticks. I have tried so many things that haven't worked, but you only need to be right once. And once things worked, I got a reputation for being someone who would make shit happen.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Emma’s Blueprint: 10 Principles That Can Change Your Life
Being a black woman in an all-white office was a great thing for me because I stood out to clients and everyone was constantly asking me for my opinion, which at the time I took
Aspire with Emma Grede
Emma’s Blueprint: 10 Principles That Can Change Your Life
every opportunity to give where I knew what I was speaking about or not and as I've got older I've understood that it is all my differences that make me who I am and uniquely able to do what I do to see things the way I see them and to operate the way that only I can.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Emma’s Blueprint: 10 Principles That Can Change Your Life
the quote you might as well be you everybody else has taken is a great quote because to me it says that we're all unique that we can all bring something to the table and when you really embrace the idea of being who you are being yourself understanding yourself it's not only freeing but it becomes like a kind of magic being me and leaning into being myself has got me to where I am today and it is far less exhausting than the alternative
Aspire with Emma Grede
Emma’s Blueprint: 10 Principles That Can Change Your Life
So I choose it and you should choose it for yourself every damn day. Number four, you have to deal with all your old shit. Take it in for a second, because I'm going to get super real here. Every single one of us carries baggage. And let's face it, your past can be a heavy weight to bear. For me, it was childhood trauma, a lot of anger, unresolved emotions.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Emma’s Blueprint: 10 Principles That Can Change Your Life
And when you're building something big, whether it's a business, a career, or just your life, those old wounds will catch up to you. At one point in my 20s, I realised that my anger and my unresolved issues were really holding me back. I couldn't keep blaming my childhood or my circumstances for where I was at that moment. If I wanted to move forward, I had to do the hard work of healing.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Emma’s Blueprint: 10 Principles That Can Change Your Life
And that meant sitting down, confronting everything and being willing to deal with all of that old shit. I've been in and out of therapy since my late teens. And I honestly believe it's been one of the single most rewarding aspects of my life. Two years ago, I did the Hoffman process, which is like an intensive course over nine days where you deal with your childhood trauma.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Emma’s Blueprint: 10 Principles That Can Change Your Life
I'm someone who finds it very, very difficult to compartmentalize. It's not like I have like a work day and a family part of my day and a podcast part of my day. Everything is is everything. It all melds into one thing. And when I'm super pissed off, I can't park it and come into the room a different person for a different project or for a different mood.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Emma’s Blueprint: 10 Principles That Can Change Your Life
So the reality is that in order to do all the things I do, I have to deal with the fundamentals. And so will you. I am so glad that we're living in a time when there's no stigma around therapy for most people. But when I was much younger, there definitely was. As a busy working mum of four, I also struggled to find the time to work on myself. And sometimes it can definitely feel overindulgent.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Emma’s Blueprint: 10 Principles That Can Change Your Life
But if there's one truth I've learned, even when I had to learn it the hard way, it is this. The road to success starts with yourself. It doesn't matter where you come from, who your mentors are, what's held you back or what you've done wrong. You need a strong belief system that guides everything you do.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Emma’s Blueprint: 10 Principles That Can Change Your Life
But making the time to understand why you do what you do and how you come to those decisions enables you to make changes where you really need to. When you identify something in yourself, if you can pinpoint where it comes from, you can work on it. And even when you start to notice things that aren't about you that are happening around you, it's an opportunity to look inwards.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Emma’s Blueprint: 10 Principles That Can Change Your Life
I had an amazing therapist that used to say to me, you spot it, you got it, which I think about all the time when I have my little judgy hat on. I said it at the start of today, but you can't be successful in business unless you're successful in life. So working out all your own shit will allow you to move through your life in a far more successful way than if you choose not to.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Introducing “Aspire with Emma Grede”
Have you ever wondered, how do I start a business? How do I bounce back from failure? How do I find work-life balance? And is that even a thing? Well, I'm so glad you asked because I'm here to talk about all of it. I'm Emma Greed and I've spent the last 20 years building, running and investing in some incredible businesses.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Introducing “Aspire with Emma Grede”
I've co-founded a multi-billion dollar unicorn and had my hand in several other companies that have generated hundreds and hundreds of millions of dollars. This, all while raising my family of four kids in the place I now call home, Los Angeles.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Introducing “Aspire with Emma Grede”
Safe to say, my life is a really long way from where I started as one of four sisters who grew up with a single mum in a tough neighbourhood in East London. What I'll tell you is that I'm on a continuous journey to learn how everyone can create the biggest possible opportunities in life.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Introducing “Aspire with Emma Grede”
And look, I know a thing or two, but just like everyone else, I'm still searching for answers for how to be more productive, how to be happier and how to accomplish everything I want to do. So it got me thinking, why not just ask the people I aspire to the most? How do they actually do what they do?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Introducing “Aspire with Emma Grede”
On my weekly podcast, Aspire With Emma Greed, I'm going to talk to the most successful people on the planet and the foremost experts who will share how to master the skills, both practical and emotional, so we can all get the most out of life. You'll get the tangible tools, the real no BS stories and undeniable little hacks that actually help you level up, whatever that means for you.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Introducing “Aspire with Emma Grede”
I'm a lifelong learner. And if you give me an hour of your time, I promise you'll walk away with something valuable. Listen to and follow Aspire with Emma Greed wherever you get your podcast starting May 6th. You can also find me on my YouTube channel, Emma Greed. I cannot wait to see you there.
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Yeah, I think Satya, maybe you want to take this one? Yeah, I'm happy to take this one. Yeah, thank you. I feel like, first of all, before I even go into it, yes, I think a lot of people who have never experienced a sweep or don't have loved ones who have been swept
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I think a lot of people have no idea what a sweep actually consists of, even if in a general sense they feel that it's a bad thing or a wrong thing. And I think part of that is deliberate. Sweeps usually happen during business hours, during nine to five hours, because at least in Oakland, they're conducted by the Department of Public Works. They're city employees. They work nine to five.
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So except in cases where they work remotely. over time or when the city uses loopholes to get around posting notice and ends up doing a sweep on the weekend. They're usually happening when a lot of middle-class housed folks are at work and not, you know, out and about seeing what's going on. So a sweep, and I'm primarily talking in the context of Oakland, California, but I...
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think it's safe to assume that these operate in similar ways around the country. Generally, what'll happen is you, let's say you're living in an encampment, a sweep has been posted. In Oakland, there is policy that states that you're supposed to have received at least a week's notice. However, a lot of people don't receive this notice, so you might not even know that it's happening.
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You might wake up at around 9 a.m. to a bunch of heavy machinery pulling up, dump truck, small bulldozers, other types of sort of like heavy equipment.
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And then you'll have somebody from the city administration, like a city administrator's assistant, going around announcing that the city of Oakland is there, you know, making noise at your tent or your car or wherever you're staying, saying, hey, this encampment is being closed down. You have to be out of here. There usually are representatives of...
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the city's contracted outreach organization called Operation Dignity. They're supposed to be there. Very rarely do they actually have a referral for somewhere to go. They'll basically just be like, hey, do you want services? They won't usually specify what the services are. They'll just show up and be like, hey, do you want services?
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If you say yes or have questions about what services are available, they may give you a sort of very vague rundown of whatever might be available that day because they don't usually even find out what openings are available until 10 a.m. on any given day. So at the time that they roll up, they usually don't even know what's available yet. So it kind of progresses from there.
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I mean, every sweep is a little different, but the commonality between all of them is that what the city is there to do is essentially to erase all sign that anybody ever lived there. So either you are able to... pack as much stuff as you can and get it out of the eviction zone before the city decides that it's your turn to be targeted or all of your stuff ends up in the back of a dump truck.
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There are other sort of specific pieces of policy and operational things that can vary from time to time. Like, for example, they're supposed to follow a bag and tag policy, which means that they're expected to store up to a cubic yard of somebody's belongings for 90 days at a storage location in East Oakland.
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They rarely do this unless hounded to do so, and most of the time, the actual process of going back and reclaiming your belongings from that location has enough barriers that almost nobody ever manages to do it.
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And I would also add to the piece around like the quote, like offer of services, like that's also something written into their policy that they're supposed to be connecting people to housing ahead of sweeps. And that's what they use to continually justify the way that they operate is that in, for example, city council meetings and homelessness commission meetings where people
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city admin is questioned on their procedures because they get complaints like the homeless commission gets complaints constantly of people being mistreated losing all their belongings never getting referred to housing and so forth and the justification that's constantly used is like well we're offering people services every time and they just refuse them and i think that that is pretty much the number one mythology that is
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Continuing to spur a lot of the pro-sweep discourse in Oakland specifically, and I'm sure in other parts of the country as well. And people are not, to be clear, most of the time, people are not actually being offered services. It's just not happening.
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What's funny is I've actually used the term homeless industrial complex myself. I didn't know that was there. That's hilarious. There is a homeless industrial complex. It's just that the people making money off of it are the people who are perpetrating the sweeps.
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The reason that they're not actually putting forth real solutions that will get people into safe shelter and housing is because they're the ones benefiting from the perpetuation of these economic conditions. Yeah.
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And I think the thing that you pointed out, Emma, about the fact that we have huge amounts of money allegedly being spent on like homelessness abatement or homeless services at the same time that homelessness is skyrocketing is really not an accident because what that money is really being spent on is to fuel. Exactly. What is it like the homeless industrial complex?
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There's a reason that most of that money is going into the pockets of landlords and developers and then sort of like these sort of large like nonprofit, almost like conglomerates of like service providers. And it's because the primary point of homelessness services as it exists in this country is not to get homeless people into housing. It's to line the pockets of developers.
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the people that are making the most money off of the real estate market anyway. And so because of that, it is not an accident that you see homeless spending and homelessness escalating at the same time. It's because this is the feedback loop. The way that our economic priorities in this country are structured...
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are such that those two things are going to feed into each other because that money doesn't actually exist to serve the populations that they say that they're using it to serve. What they do get to do is by claiming that that money is going into homelessness abatement,
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when clearly it isn't, they then get to spin a narrative where they say, oh, we've spent all this money, but the problem is just getting worse. That must mean that it is the fault of unhoused people and that they're choosing this because clearly the services must exist to get them off the street. In reality, that's not the case at all.
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They're not even offering people that, they're full.
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Sorry, I didn't mean to cut you off. I feel strongly about this. So I think it's also worth saying, like in terms of, I feel like that's a really useful layout, Emma, in terms of the way that the system is actually structured for people not to be able to access services. I feel like it's also worth pointing out that just day-to-day on the ground, I feel like
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I feel like I get to see a lot of sort of, like, minute details and changes in the way that they're operating in response to what their, like, internal systems actually look like. And what we have seen over the last six months to a year is not only this pattern that Emma was talking about of, like...
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People are consistently not getting connected with services and then being accused of refusing services just due to the conditions that they're living under. But also, everything that Oakland has that approaches livable transitional housing, which is...
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kind of laughable in this case, because we can also go into like the conditions of the transitional housing programs and shelters in Oakland, which are abysmal. But everything that they have that approaches livable transitional housing is full. I very rarely, every few weeks, maybe I see one or two people get referred to one of those programs.
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And far more often I'll be in a situation, for example, I was at a sweep over near 23rd and Northgate a couple weeks ago. And I was there when Operation Dignity rolled up and I heard what they were saying when they were talking to people. And this one dude was going around talking to folks and he kind of, he wasn't even approaching talking about services.
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He was approaching being like, hey, I'm just here to let you know that this area is going to be closed down, like there's a sweep that's going to be happening. So you guys have to be out of here. So that was what they led with. And then I prompted him because I was there chatting with one of the guys that he was talking to. So I prompted him. I was like, do you have any services to offer?
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And then he was like, oh, you can go over to St. Vincent de Paul, which is a congregate shelter in West Oakland with about 40 beds. Big room.
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and nobody is guaranteed a spot it's just a room full of cots a lot of people refuse to go there because the conditions are so terrible and they don't feel comfortable or safe sleeping in a room full of a bunch of strangers with no kind of security no guarantee of being able to hold on to their stuff people are only allowed to bring in like a backpack's worth of stuff i'm pretty sure and you also have to it's first come first serve so you have to line up outside every single day and you are not guaranteed an indoor place to sleep even if you line up outside
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So what we have is a situation where the availability of services varies from day to day. I cannot think of a single sweep in the last year that I have been to, and I'm at usually multiple sleeps a week, where there were enough... guaranteed spots available for every person being swept.
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So the implicit assumption at every single sweep, and the Operation Dignity people know this too, like they know this, the implicit assumption when they roll up and the assumption that colors even the tenor of all of their conversations that they're having with people is that the majority of people are just going to have to figure out how to pack their shit up and find another place to camp.
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It's the assumption. And it's gotten to the point where, like, OD employees will roll up and, like I said, they won't even necessarily lead with an offer of services. They'll lead almost in the hopes that the majority of people already have a place to relocate. They'll ask, do you have a place to go?
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Before they offer services or ask if people are introduced to services, they'll ask, like, do you have another spot to move this stuff first? Because what they're hoping to do is eliminate as many people as possible from their list of people that they feel obligated to offer services to because they know they don't fucking have anything.
Behind the Bastards
It Could Happen Here Weekly 175
Yeah, I mean, their policy is their cover your ass technique, right? Their policy is what they refer back to whenever they want to sort of like, like Emma said, if they're interfacing with businesses or house people, you know, and we have a whole range of house people calling 311, which is basically their tip line for like, oh, you see a homeless person that you don't want to be seeing.
Behind the Bastards
It Could Happen Here Weekly 175
But there's a whole range of people. There's people that are actively malicious and violent, and there's literally people going out doing vigilante shit and destroying homeless people's stuff on their own. And then you also have people that are well-intentioned and really think the city is offering services.
Behind the Bastards
It Could Happen Here Weekly 175
So you have this whole umbrella, and the narrative that the city sells to everybody is bolstered by their policy. That's the purpose their policy serves is not to inform their actions, but to inform their PR.
Behind the Bastards
It Could Happen Here Weekly 175
So I think it would be helpful, Emma, how do you feel about if you want to kind of give a breakdown of the city's policy, and then I can kind of give a breakdown into what that translates into on the ground?
Behind the Bastards
It Could Happen Here Weekly 175
First of all, I think listening to all of this, it can be really easy to feel disempowered and to feel like the walls are closing in and there's nothing that we can do. And that remains not the case.
Behind the Bastards
It Could Happen Here Weekly 175
You know, I think people should feel empowered to be able to physically intervene because the most effective way of physically intervening with this kind of violence is to commit to relationship building. Something that I've talked about a lot with sort of like fellow advocates and folks that are kind of involved in like sweeps response and crisis response in Oakland is that the
Behind the Bastards
It Could Happen Here Weekly 175
The one thing that the city cannot take away from us that we have an advantage over them in is relationship building. Part of the reason that, for example, the Operation Dignity employees are so inefficient and so seemingly bad at their jobs is not just the fact that they don't have anything to offer, but also because everybody on the street knows they're full of shit.
Behind the Bastards
It Could Happen Here Weekly 175
Because they never show up with anything real. And addressing house people in particular, right? Like, one of the things to get out of is sort of like the savior mentality or the guilt mentality of like, oh, like, I don't have any housing to offer. Therefore, I can't do anything. Like, I can't fix the problem. I can't fix the route. So I can't do anything.
Behind the Bastards
It Could Happen Here Weekly 175
In reality, all you really need to do is to learn to set that mentality aside and show up and start meeting folks where they're at, start meeting your neighbors where they're at, start building relationships. You need to know if you live in a particular neighborhood,
Behind the Bastards
It Could Happen Here Weekly 175
Think to yourself, I need to know that if any unhoused person within a mile radius of my home was disappeared, I would need to know. You know what I mean? Like, I would want to know if that happened.
Behind the Bastards
It Could Happen Here Weekly 175
So if you go out with that understanding that you're starting to build lifelong relationships with the folks that are living outside in your neighborhood, ideally a lot of other people in your neighborhood too, you know what I mean? But like...
Behind the Bastards
It Could Happen Here Weekly 175
What they're banking on is, right now, while they're still trying to use a PR cover for what they're doing, what they're banking on is people not talking to each other, people not finding out about the abuses, people not finding out about the violations, people not being there, and people not having relationships that will remain...
Behind the Bastards
It Could Happen Here Weekly 175
strong even as they try to physically scatter people's communities and what you can do to start is start investing in those relationships make sure you know what people's names are make sure you would know if somebody's routine was suddenly disrupted hey that guy used to be on that corner you know every couple days out of the week and now i never see him anymore what happened to him
Behind the Bastards
It Could Happen Here Weekly 175
And I think you can start there, and there's much more that you can concretely do. I mean, one of the ways that I'm accustomed to showing up at this point is direct on-the-ground sweeps response. So we're still able to keep track currently of what their schedule is on a weekly basis, more or less.
Behind the Bastards
It Could Happen Here Weekly 175
There's definitely operations we don't find out about until after the fact, but the majority of their weekday operations we do still know about ahead of time. And so we'll show up, we'll make sure we get there before the city does, so by 8 a.m. ideally, right? We show up, talk to people, be like, what do you need? Do you need... physical help moving your belongings out of the eviction zone?
Behind the Bastards
It Could Happen Here Weekly 175
Do you need to borrow somebody's phone so that you can call somebody who said they were going to come help you? Do you need help pushing or pulling your vehicle?
Behind the Bastards
It Could Happen Here Weekly 175
Any number of things really, but just like being willing to show up and ask questions without necessarily knowing what answers you're going to get and being down to follow up and like do aftercare with people and check in on folks and like keep building those relationships. I think that those are the building blocks of the organizing that we're going to need to be doing in the future because we're
Behind the Bastards
It Could Happen Here Weekly 175
You know, what the city is counting on is that they're going to be able to successfully create a scapegoat, right? They want to create like a faceless, nameless mass of people that they can pin all their problems on and then incarcerate. And the best thing that we can do is make sure that they can't successfully do that because we all have relationships to each other.
Behind the Bastards
It Could Happen Here Weekly 175
So like giving someone a blanket. could fall under this. So you could be fined or put in jail for giving an unhoused person a blanket in Fremont currently.
Behind the Bastards
It Could Happen Here Weekly 175
I also have one more thing to add to that. I'm so sorry. Specifically, for anybody thinking about getting involved or organizing strategically around community defense, sweep defense, whatever that looks like in your particular area, I would say, first of all, especially if you're a house person in this case, like,
Behind the Bastards
It Could Happen Here Weekly 175
Invest valuable time into getting to know people on an interpersonal level and getting to know people's needs first, instead of falling into the trap of sort of imposing what you might have learned through like other sort of direct action organizing, because this is not that, you know, like, I think, yeah, first of all, just making sure that you're being you're organizing is being led by the needs of people.
Behind the Bastards
It Could Happen Here Weekly 175
homeless residents that are expressing what they need to. But also on top of that, when it comes to this particular draconian waves of legislation that are being passed around anti-homeless laws and stuff, don't preemptively obey. You know what I mean? If you live in Fremont, don't preemptively say, ah, fuck, I better stop passing out blankets.
Behind the Bastards
It Could Happen Here Weekly 175
Because what we've seen in Oakland with the particular iterations of anti-homeless legislation that they've passed here is that just because they've passed legislation doesn't mean that they feel confident enforcing it yet. And what you need to do really is step up real hard and show them you can't enforce this the way that you want to. And they're going to push back.
Behind the Bastards
It Could Happen Here Weekly 175
There's going to be this back and forth interplay that we've seen recently.
Behind the Bastards
It Could Happen Here Weekly 175
you know for example in oakland with the safe works on ordinance which we can probably get into another time because it's way too much to get into right now i think at this point in the episode but it's a two-way street it's this fight that you have to play to show them just because you've passed this legislation doesn't mean you can enforce it in a particular way you have to give them something to fight against you know what i mean so that's just the other piece yeah
Behind the Bastards
It Could Happen Here Weekly 175
yeah just seconding that I think like being able to tap in specifically with like the types of unhoused organizing and underground economies that exist wherever unhoused people exist and like being able to like tap into that and like you know again like speaking from the perspective of a housed person like really humble yourself and learn from that like you're gonna learn a whole lot more relevant life skills just hanging out in social settings with people in the street than you are in any other area of your life so
Behind the Bastards
It Could Happen Here Weekly 175
Just go balls to the wall. Just start hanging out. Just spend all your time loitering. That's where we need to be right now is loitering in the street. That's where the organizing is happening.
Get Sleepy: Sleep meditation and stories
Seashells in the Sand
Emma grinst an der Sicht davon, zieht sich auf einen Stopp an dem Beachfront-Karrenpark. Sie freut ihre Füße aus ihren Socken und Schuhen und schlägt auf ihre vertrauten Orangen-Flipflops. Dann geht sie mit ihrem Beachbag weg, glücklicherweise Richtung Sand. Before she gets there, Emma pauses, leaning on the railings of the concrete walkway.
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Seashells in the Sand
She looks out across the glistening coastline and breathes in the fresh sea air. Like the village, the main beach is relatively quiet. There's an elderly couple sunbathing on deckchairs. At their feet, their grandchildren play happily. Elsewhere, a young family sit eating a picnic behind a windbreaker on a large checkered blanket.
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Seashells in the Sand
A young woman performs yoga on the sand, stretching up and down in slow, deliberate movements. Emma sieht auch Hundewanderer, einer von denen sofort ihre Aufmerksamkeit entdeckt. Ein Mann in seinen 50ern geht mit seinem wunderschönen, gelben Labrador. Sie strollen zusammen auf der Ostseeleite, spielen ein Spiel von Schießen und Fangen.
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Seashells in the Sand
Again and again, the man throws a ball towards the water and watches gleefully as the dog bounds in to retrieve it. After finding the ball, the Labrador holds it in its mouth, then returns to place it at the man's feet. The dog looks up pleadingly, begging for the ball to be thrown once more. Both the man and his pet look as happy as can be.
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Seashells in the Sand
Though the Labrador's fur is dripping wet after many watery expeditions. Realizing this every so often, the dog shakes the salt water from its coat, showering his owner. The man's loud, hearty laugh is carried right across the beach. Emma denkt, dass dieses Lachen eines der wärmsten und liebsten, die sie je gehört hat. Sie nennt diese Beach ihr glückliches Ort.
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Seashells in the Sand
Obwohl der aktuelle Ort, an den sie sich bezieht, ein bisschen weiter weg ist. Der solitäre Kog ist hinter einem rockigen Gesicht versteckt und oft verpasst von Touristen und Sightseers. Es ist ein verstecktes Gem, unverzweifelt und wunderschön. Emma denkt an das Gebäude als ihr eigenes. Es ist ihr persönlicher Paradies, ein Geheimgang, den sie, wann auch immer sie will, finden kann.
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Seashells in the Sand
Sie strollt die Steine auf breite, goldene Sande. Seine Haare tanzen in der brisken Seespring, die ihr Nacken und Schultern klingeln. Sie sieht, dass die Tide rauskommt. Die Wasser bleibt weit weg in der Distanz. Emmas Flipflops sinken in den Boden, schwingen Sand über den Topf ihrer Beine und Knochen.
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Seashells in the Sand
Sie entscheidet, ihre Flipflops zu entfernen, sie zu halten in ihrer Hand, als sie ohne Fuß weitergeht. Der Sand ist lecker und gut, ähnlich wie die Texturen von gepeiltem Zucker. And it's warm, too, falling between her toes. As she walks, Emma examines the sand beneath her feet. Scattered all around are shells of every variety, left behind by the tide.
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Seashells in the Sand
They glisten like jewels in the afternoon sunlight. Some are oval, like oyster shells, their surfaces as smooth as glass. Others are round and curling, like the shell of a snail. A few of the shells are wide and spiraling, with patterns of concentric circles. Sie sind wie Tulips und Eisbäume oder die Instrumente, die eine Brustbande erzeugen.
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Seashells in the Sand
Die am meisten üblichen Typen hier sind Skalopschellen. Von einem Punkt an ihrem Zentrum steigen die Räder, die sich ausbreiten, um eine formelige Form zu formen. Ihre Farben differieren großartig. From deep chocolate browns and bright golden ambers to stunning pinks and purples.
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Seashells in the Sand
Over time, the shells' patterns have been altered by sun and salt water, resulting in a watercolor effect that looks almost painted on. Some have been washed so many times that their color has faded completely, leaving behind shells of the pearliest, creamiest white. These shall sparkle most of all in the bright sunshine of this perfect, cloudless day.
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Seashells in the Sand
The sun warms Emma's legs below her knee-length shorts and soaks into the fabric of her light linen shirt. If she was walking somewhere else, she might think the temperature was a little too warm. But that's the wonderful thing about the seaside. You can always count on that luscious sea breeze.
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Seashells in the Sand
It flows around her, rising and falling like the rolling waves, cooling the air to the perfect temperature. After a while, Emma changes direction, veering right towards the water. The sand becomes wetter, causing her feet to dip with each step. Sie schaut jetzt und dann zurück, um die Eindrücke ihrer Beine und Beine zu beobachten.
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Seashells in the Sand
Ihre Fußstücke sind lecker und vorsichtig, als sie um die wachsende Menge von Seeschlägen geht. Und als sie näher bis zum Meer geht, gibt es Salzwasserpudeln, um auch zu navigieren. For the most part, Emma steps over these little pools, crossing the gap with long strides. Occasionally, she walks around them, where the water is too wide to cross.
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Seashells in the Sand
But eventually, Emma reaches a puddle that's as long as it is wide. So she steps right into it, feeling the water rise to her ankles. She pauses in the middle of the pool. Closing her eyes, she enjoys the touch of water against her skin. The wet sand is silky beneath her feet and the water is warm and soothing, heated by the sun.
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Seashells in the Sand
Opening her eyes, she walks onwards, sending tiny waves across the surface of the puddle. Droplets of water splash at her legs as she paddles, then noticeable only for a second, before quickly drying in the heat. Sie fühlt sich freundlich und freundlich an, wie ein Kind in einem Regenbett und Wäldern, die ihren Weg durch einen großen, dünnen Pudel fliegt.
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Seashells in the Sand
Obwohl ihre Umgebung auf der Beach viel komfortabler ist. Wenn sie auf den dünnen Sand aussteigt, fühlt sie sich jahrelang jünger. Better still, she can see the tide now, frothing and foaming against the shore. Emma walks to meet it, until she's standing at the edge and watching, mesmerized. No matter how many times she looks at this view, it never fails to impress her.
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Seashells in the Sand
Each wave swells and rises, pulling at the shoreline as it gathers momentum. Then it begins to roll, curling over itself again and again, the sea disappearing behind a briny white curtain. And finally, the wave stretches out across the sand in a veil of foaming bubbles. Emma steps into the foam, so it washes over her feet and ankles.
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Seashells in the Sand
It's much cooler than the water of the puddle, and it's wonderfully refreshing. Sie fühlt die Seen, die sich an ihren Ankeln bewegen. Emma zieht sich hin und trägt ihre freie Hand unter die Oberfläche, in einer unerhörlichen Grüße zum riesigen, blauen Meer. Auf der anderen Seite trägt Emma einen Ring. Sie hat ihn von einem lokalen Jeweler an ihrem ersten Besuch hier gekauft.
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Seashells in the Sand
The thin gold band is topped with a circular gemstone at the center, semi-precious lapis lazuli. It's a deep, powerful blue, containing tiny flecks of gold and bronze. As soon as Emma saw the ring in the shop, she knew she had to have it. The stone is the color of the sea, glittering beneath golden sunlight, a whirl of sand flickering below the surface. She wears the ring often.
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Seashells in the Sand
Whenever she looks at it, she's reminded of this wonderful place and the peace it evokes. Though nothing quite compares to the real thing in front of her now. Einige Schwimmer sind heute am Meer, ihre Hände wackeln glücklich über dem Wasser. Außerhalb, eine solitäre Figur fährt ein Bodyboard durch den Surfen.
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Seashells in the Sand
Und in der Distanz, der blöde Ausdruck eines Flugzeugs fährt über den Horizont, transportiert die Weihnachtsmacher zu ihrem nächsten Destinationen. Emma beobachtet dies, imaginierend die exotischen Plätze, die das Schiff besuchen könnte. Momente später erkennt sie den Blick auf die berühmte Rockfläche, die sich in den Wasser streichelt.
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Seashells in the Sand
Die Rockfläche ist so breit und groß, dass sie den Beach in zwei unterschiedliche Halte splitzt. Von hier aus sieht es aus wie eine Wand. Also für die Menschen, die sich vorbeikommen, signaliert die Sicht dieses Rockfaces das Ende der Kostellinie. Zeit, um sich umzureißen. Außer Emma, bleiben sehr wenige Menschen ihre Begegnung.
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Seashells in the Sand
Wenn sie es gemacht hätten, könnten sie auch herausfinden, was sie lange zuvor gefunden hat. Auf der anderen Seite befindet sich eine Fehlform von schwarzen Wäldern mit einem leisen kleinen Meer im Zentrum. Das ist Emmas glückliches Gebäude. Es ist durch einen wandelnden Passageweg verfügbar, ca. 20 Meter zurück aus dem Wasser.
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Seashells in the Sand
Her smile widens with every step towards it, as she maneuvers her way gracefully around the twisting rock. By the time she arrives in the secluded cove, she's beaming. In a strange and wonderful way, it feels like coming home. Sie setzt ihre Tasche auf einen schmutzigen, tiefen Stein und beginnt, ihre Kontente zu entpacken.
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Seashells in the Sand
Die Fusier-Tasche ist die erste, die rauskommt, auf dem Sand in einem perfekten pinken Rektangel. Dann gibt es ihr Sonnenblumen, ihr Buch und eine velvete kleine Pille, die sie hinter ihr hinterlegt. She positions the towel within reaching distance of the rock, which is like a handy bedside table. It's the perfect place for her drink. A bottle of homemade peach tea.
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Seashells in the Sand
Emma made the tea this morning, softening the peaches in hot, sugary water, before mashing them gently into a gooey golden liquid. Then she left it to infuse, continuing her housework and returning two hours later like her grandma had taught her. The liquid was sweet and syrupy and the color of sunlight, just as it should be.
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Seashells in the Sand
Sie hat es durch ein Sieb gepresst, das Exzesspulver auf dem Wire Mesh zu sammeln und die leichte Sirup unterhalb zu lassen. Es hat den Boden eines großen Glasjugs gefüllt, der eine süß-pechige Basis für die Liter frisch gebratener Tee gelegt hat. Dies wurde in der Kuh im Refrigerator gelegt, mit Händen von Eis unterstützt.
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Seashells in the Sand
Emma hat später noch etwas extra Eis in die Tüte gebracht, die sie hier mitgebracht hat. Einige davon sind geschliffen und erfreulich. She sips from it now, enjoying the delicious peachy taste as she sits on the fuchsia towel. Then she stretches out her legs, gazing admiringly at the view ahead.
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Seashells in the Sand
She's the perfect distance from the lapping waves, far enough to avoid getting wet and close enough to really see. The Cove has marvelous acoustics. The gentle harmonies of the waves bounce about its walls, amplifying everything like a high-tech sound system. This only adds to the feeling of seclusion. Emma is about to lie back and relax when a splash of color catches her eye
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Seashells in the Sand
It's a shell, twinkling in the sand nearby. And it seems to be a clamshell, or half of it at least. Looking closer, Emma is quick to recognize it, thanks to its unique shape and texture. It's an angel wing shell, and it looks exactly like that. Die Oberfläche erscheint mit einer Reihe von geschliffenen Linien, als ob sie von einem Master-Sculptor geschliffen worden wären.
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Seashells in the Sand
Jede Brücke ist eine gleiche Distanz von ihrem Nachbarn, von innen nach außen, von innen nach außen. Jede wenige Millimeter sind die Linien höher geschliffen, wie kleine Berge. Wenn sie im Licht des Sonnens beobachtet werden, sehen sie aus wie Däumchen, die auf den Wangen leuchten. Hält die Schelle in ihren Fingern, schlägt Emma ihre Augen über ihre innere und äußere Oberfläche.
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Seashells in the Sand
Sie hat diese Schellen vorher gesehen, aber nichts ganz so. The shells of an angel wing clam are usually pristine white in color. But this one is a soft dusky pink, like the petals on a cherry blossom tree. Emma decides that she will keep the shell as a souvenir of today's exploration. She places it down on the rock beside her.
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Seashells in the Sand
Dann nimmt sie noch einen Schuss coolen, süßen Tee und verwendet Sonnenblumenöl auf jede ausgewählte Haut. Die Lotion ist dick und cremig und riecht wie frische, gerippte Kokosnüsse. As it disappears into her skin, Emma lies back, resting her head on the velvet pillow. Her body sinks into the towel and she feels every muscle relax. Then she turns her head, reaching for her book.
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Seashells in the Sand
For as long as she can remember, Emma has loved to read. Today's book is one that she's read before. It's a novel, a tale of mystery, romance and heartwarming epiphanies. She's enjoying it immensely, perhaps even more so than the first time around. Despite having started it just a week ago, she's already three quarters through.
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Seashells in the Sand
Und jetzt, mit dem Ende in Sicht, findet sie es einfacher als jemals, sich in ihren Büchern zu verlieren. Die Geschichte spielt sich aus wie ein Film in ihrer Meinung, verglichen mit einem Soundtrack von echoing waves. Es ist ein glücklicher Weg, die Stunden zu verpassen. She pauses only to turn the pages, reaching now and then for a sip of her drink.
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Seashells in the Sand
Occasionally, she changes position, turning on her side. By the time she reaches the final page, she's lying on her front, facing towards the water. Emma lacht, sie hat den Weg in die Fiktion sehr genossen. Aber es ist gleich schön, zurück in die Vergangenheit zu kommen und die wunderschönen Umgebungen dieses idyllischen kleinen Kogels zu sehen.
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Seashells in the Sand
Auf ihren Beinen zu liegen, mit ihren Beinen hinter ihr gestreckt, öffnet Emma ihren Blick nach oben und streicht ihre Muskeln aus. She looks calm and composed. Her mind is still, as clear as the sky above. She's completely in tune with the sensations within her. From the overall weight of her body to all the places where it touches the ground. She notices the breeze.
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Seashells in the Sand
fliehend leise durch ihre Haare und Kleidung. Und mit ihrem Körper und Herz offen gegen die Wälder, zieht sie einen langen und nahrungsvollen Atem. Die Luft ist invigorierend und restaurativ, während das Meer immer mehr erfreulich ist. Was könnte mehr erfreulich sein als ein Schluck Seewasser? Emma positioniert ihre Tasche am Zentrum der Stange, um sie in Platz zu halten.
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Seashells in the Sand
Dann geht sie Richtung Wasser, ihre Arme schwingend an ihren Seiten. She counts the number of strides, a habit from childhood, and she reaches number 14 before her feet touch the water. Just like before, it feels wonderful against her skin, though perhaps a little warmer than it was hours ago. Emma's shorts stop at the knee, but she lifts them up a few inches higher.
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Seashells in the Sand
She casts her eyes across the shallow water, finding a patch where the sand is smooth below the surface. Then she lowers herself down, kneeling in the sea's briny vale. The sea appears calmer and quieter than before, almost as though it's dozing. There are far fewer waves visible on its surface, and the swimmers have long since gone to shore.
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Seashells in the Sand
Where Emma is kneeling, the water sits inches above the sand. Though it laps gently against her skin, it never once rises beyond her knees. Emma raises her sunglasses, placing them on top of her head, and gazes down into the water. Next, she leans forwards, gathering water with her hands held together. She closes her eyes, splashing the water over her face once and then again.
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Seashells in the Sand
With her eyes still shut, she lifts her head to the sky. Emma sits like this for a few minutes, feeling her face dry beneath the sun, until she opens her eyes. Relaxt und erfrischt. Sie drückt sich mit ihren Händen hoch, um in der Wasserstätte zu stehen. Und sie ist fast weg, wenn sie ein familiäres und erstaunliches Sein sieht.
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Seashells in the Sand
An ihren Füßen, wo es vorher nichts gab, ist eine dunkelblühe rote Schale. It's the other half of the angel wing shell. Lifting it to the light, Emma admires the surface of the shell, marveling at her fortune to find such a jewel. It's a gift from the sea, meant just for her. Later on, when she's back at home, she'll lay these shells down on her bedside table.
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Seashells in the Sand
Emma schaut zurück nach ihrem Haus. Seine soliden Brückenwände haben rosa-braune Farben, während der Ruf aus Terracotta-Tilen besteht. Fünf große Wände sind auf der Front des Hauses positioniert. Auf einer Seite, nicht weit von der zentralen Tür, gibt es auch eine große Garage-Tür. Wie die Tür und die Wände, ist die Garage eine Farbe des puresten Weites. Alle sind spotlos sauber.
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Seashells in the Sand
Nach einem Morgen Hausarbeit, sieht alles so aus, wie Emma es möchte. Colourful curtains hang behind each window, near carefully placed ornaments and photo frames. Through the downstairs window, a large round vase is visible. It's filled with a bouquet of gorgeous, freshly picked daffodils.
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Seashells in the Sand
The blooms are a dazzling shade of yellow and their petals are shaped like glowing stars, circling around a yellow trumpet at the center. Sie sind ein willkommener Blitz der Sonne, die aus dem Hintergrund des Glases fliegt. Emma fühlt eine Vergnügung und Freude, als sie sich an ihr Zuhause anschaut. Der vordere Garten ist auch in perfekter Form.
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Seashells in the Sand
Next to the driveway, there's a rectangular lawn with vibrant green grass and a wide strip of soil containing a dozen or so plants. They display a kaleidoscope of color across their open petals. Emma planted them herself. Some recently and others years ago. Sie hat ihre Blüten für viele Jahre des Frühjahrs und des Sommers beobachtet.
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Seashells in the Sand
Nach der Beobachtung ihres Gartens mit Zufriedenheit, steigt Emma in ihr Auto und schließt die Tür. Beside ihr, auf der Passagierseite, ist ein blauer und weißer, streifender Kampfsack. A bright fuchsia pink beach towel sticks out next to the bag's white rope handle. Emma always uses this bag when she goes to the coast, and even the sight of it lifts her spirits.
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Seashells in the Sand
She keeps it packed all year long with sun cream and flip-flops, books and headphones. All the essentials that she might need at the beach. And she's added a few extras today for her spontaneous afternoon of seaside relaxation. Emma turns the keys and fastens her seatbelt as the engine is brought to life. Sie weint unter die Wände, lacht an der Wärme des Sonnens auf ihrem Körper.
Get Sleepy: Sleep meditation and stories
Seashells in the Sand
Es ist ein wundervoller Abend. Sie nimmt einen letzten Blick auf ihr Haus durch das Rücksehsiegel und dann zieht sie sich aus dem Fahrzeug auf die Straße. Die Erfindung hat begonnen. Bevor sie hierhergezogen wurde, war Emma nie so spontan, sie wollte ihre Ausgaben Monate vor dem Zeitpunkt planen. Aber das Leben hier hat sie verändert.
Get Sleepy: Sleep meditation and stories
Seashells in the Sand
Die Spur der Moment-Trips ist über die Jahre immer mehr und mehr üblicher geworden. After all, it's just a 35-minute drive to reach golden sands and clear water. The first few times she made this journey, she didn't enjoy it as she does now. Back then, she was so impatient to get there, that she would wish the journey away.
Get Sleepy: Sleep meditation and stories
Seashells in the Sand
But at some point, Emma realized that she could slow down her mind and stay present. There was no need to postpone her relaxation. She could begin by enjoying the drive itself. Emma follows the route she's traveled many times before, but she notices signposts and road markings as though this is her first journey.
Get Sleepy: Sleep meditation and stories
Seashells in the Sand
Sie nimmt in die Umgebung ein, von Pedestrieren auf dem Boden bis zu den Namen und Farben, die auf den Shopfronten gezeigt werden. Die Fahrradio wird gehalten. Sie hört stattdessen auf die Geräusche des Außenseitens. Es gibt den leckeren Geräusch ihres eigenen Autos und das konstante Rollen ihrer Reifen auf der Straße.
Get Sleepy: Sleep meditation and stories
Seashells in the Sand
And then there are the other cars, near and far, sung with music playing through open windows. It grows fainter as the cars go off in different directions. Emma makes a game of listening, noticing the exact moment when the sounds fade entirely. The route takes her through her neighborhood and the center of towns. And then onto the motorway.
Get Sleepy: Sleep meditation and stories
Seashells in the Sand
She winds up her window, leaving the tiniest of gaps to allow a little air through. The breeze billows through the car, moving strands of her hair, which is tied high in a ponytail. Es ist nicht lange, bevor sie den Slip Road entfernt und ihren Weg durch die fehlenden östlichen Straßen macht.
Get Sleepy: Sleep meditation and stories
Seashells in the Sand
Seine Umgebung wird jetzt grün, und die Straße öffnet sich nach oben und nach unten mit dem undulierenden Landschaft. Bald findet sie sich, als sie durch einen charmanten östlichen Dorf fährt. Es ist ruhig, mit nur der ungewöhnlichen Person, die auf dem Boden aufwacht. Die Straßen sind verkleidet mit alten, sternen Gebäuden. Viele sind in leckeren Pastelschäden gepaintert.
Get Sleepy: Sleep meditation and stories
Seashells in the Sand
Emma liebt die Gebäude hier. Die Farben erinnern sie an geboilte Süßigkeiten. Die Art, wie sie als Kind gegessen hat. Once again, she winds down her windows, catching the tune of a distant ice cream van. Seagulls caw in the blue sky above the endless waves. The sea is visible now, as a line of watercolour blue, an inch thick below the horizon.
Get Sleepy: Sleep meditation and stories
Seashells in the Sand
Sie kann es auch riechen, in der salzigen Luft, die durch die Autowänden fliegt. Am Ende der Straße, die Straße kürzt, bevor sie hochklimmt, zwischendurch und wie ein Rippen. Es flattiert sich am Topf, formierend Meilen langsamer, flotte Straßen, die von Grünheit verbrannt sind. Dies ist Emmas Lieblingspart der Fahrt, auch wenn sich das Meer aus der Sicht abschließt.
Get Sleepy: Sleep meditation and stories
Seashells in the Sand
Die Luft hier oben ist wunderschön frisch und es gibt etwas Wundervolles an der Fahrt auf dieser hohen Straße, mit nur den Pferden zwischen ihr und dem Himmel. Gradually, the road begins to descend, curving towards the promenade below. The sea comes into view once more, as vast as it is beautiful. And she can see the beach, too. Its golden yellow sands bathed in sunlight.
Ninjas Are Butterflies
121 - The Drones Have Been Here Before, Telepathy, and New Nuclear Tech
You guys hear that on the radio?
Ninjas Are Butterflies
121 - The Drones Have Been Here Before, Telepathy, and New Nuclear Tech
I don't know why they keep that, and then the John Lennon one. Yeah. Merry Christmas.
Ninjas Are Butterflies
121 - The Drones Have Been Here Before, Telepathy, and New Nuclear Tech
You haven't heard this? I don't think so. It's every year on the radio.
Ninjas Are Butterflies
121 - The Drones Have Been Here Before, Telepathy, and New Nuclear Tech
Yeah.
Ninjas Are Butterflies
121 - The Drones Have Been Here Before, Telepathy, and New Nuclear Tech
Mind free!
Ninjas Are Butterflies
121 - The Drones Have Been Here Before, Telepathy, and New Nuclear Tech
And he nailed it! Perfect!
Ninjas Are Butterflies
121 - The Drones Have Been Here Before, Telepathy, and New Nuclear Tech
Figure it out. Let's find out.
Ninjas Are Butterflies
121 - The Drones Have Been Here Before, Telepathy, and New Nuclear Tech
Let's see.
Ninjas Are Butterflies
121 - The Drones Have Been Here Before, Telepathy, and New Nuclear Tech
Help.
Ninjas Are Butterflies
121 - The Drones Have Been Here Before, Telepathy, and New Nuclear Tech
Thumbnail. Okay. Very good.
The Home Service Expert Podcast
Special Family Q&A with Tommy Mello’s Niece and Nephews!
Courage isn't the absence of fear. It's doing something even though you might fear it. A lot of people, they just avoid that rejection.
The Home Service Expert Podcast
Special Family Q&A with Tommy Mello’s Niece and Nephews!
I kind of want to have like a balance because I want to like meet people who work hard. They study a lot and they're very motivated. But at the same time, I want to kind of have an aspect of my life that's more social. And like I don't have to be partying all the time, but still going out, like having fun with my friends and like.
The Home Service Expert Podcast
Special Family Q&A with Tommy Mello’s Niece and Nephews!
That way I have, like, kind of two type of people, like, two social groups where it's, like, there's the people that really motivate me, but there's also, like, the side of me that's, like, having more fun and stuff. And I think both can be really valuable because I guess one of my goals also is to become more, like, social in the way where it's, like, I don't know.
The Home Service Expert Podcast
Special Family Q&A with Tommy Mello’s Niece and Nephews!
I want to be good at, like, sales. I want to get better at, like— convincing people and that type of things. Cause I can study and I can get good grades, but at the same time, I think being a very convincing person and charismatic and stuff, I think that's also really important.
The Home Service Expert Podcast
Special Family Q&A with Tommy Mello’s Niece and Nephews!
Well, I was kind of like the same. Like, I guess like assets put money into your pocket. Liabilities take money out. And so I thought that simple piece of advice was really important because I think a lot of people like get confused or they don't value that just simple piece of advice of just putting your money into things that will grow versus.
The Home Service Expert Podcast
Special Family Q&A with Tommy Mello’s Niece and Nephews!
Um, I just think, I just think that like go for no, it had so many great messages. Like one of them was about courage and it was like, courage isn't the absence of fear. It's doing something, even though you might fear it. So I think that was really important because a lot of people, they just avoid that rejection and will never go for no.
The Home Service Expert Podcast
Special Family Q&A with Tommy Mello’s Niece and Nephews!
And so I think that piece of advice about courage was really important.
The Home Service Expert Podcast
Special Family Q&A with Tommy Mello’s Niece and Nephews!
In the next week? I'll probably, I mean, maybe I'll just try to put myself out there. Like if there's a moment where I'm thinking like, oh, I'm too nervous to do something. Like I was nervous to come on this podcast, but even though it's out of my comfort zone, another thing that was a part of the book that he said was the comfort zone is never static. It's always, expanding or retracting.
The Home Service Expert Podcast
Special Family Q&A with Tommy Mello’s Niece and Nephews!
So always putting, doing something that's out of your comfort zone is really important. So I think something, I don't know, I'll probably do something that's.
The Home Service Expert Podcast
Special Family Q&A with Tommy Mello’s Niece and Nephews!
Yes is the destination and no is how you get there. So it's basically just, like, people sometimes will focus just on, like, the final end goal, the success that comes with it. But I think this book really highlighted that rejection and the word no is part of the process. It's part of the journey of getting to success. So... Yeah, I think that was probably the most important thing.
The Home Service Expert Podcast
Special Family Q&A with Tommy Mello’s Niece and Nephews!
And like desensitizing yourself to the word no and just putting yourself out there and not avoiding that rejection is so important.
The Home Service Expert Podcast
Special Family Q&A with Tommy Mello’s Niece and Nephews!
No, like it's false because you should hear the word no because that means that you're like pushing yourself to get more sales. And I mean, the only way to...
The Home Service Expert Podcast
Special Family Q&A with Tommy Mello’s Niece and Nephews!
Well, I'm planning on studying business or economics, and then I want to, like, do something in business. I'm not really 100% sure of what yet, but I'd probably want to try starting a business at some point or learning how to invest in different businesses. And I love just, like, trying to grow ones, too, and, like, how, like, strategies to grow them and stuff like that.
The Home Service Expert Podcast
Special Family Q&A with Tommy Mello’s Niece and Nephews!
Seeking no can help you grow. Well, I think in sales, if you're trying to sell something, even just if you're working a job like in the service industry or something like that, just asking them, would you like – like a new garage door part with that. If they say no, then you know that you're not the one closing the sale. They're the one closing the sale for you.
The Home Service Expert Podcast
Special Family Q&A with Tommy Mello’s Niece and Nephews!
Because if you never hear no, especially like the story that you told when the guy came in and he bought all that stuff and kept saying yes, yes, yes. If you never heard no, then you closed the sale. So I think even just in those situations going for no, it can help you get so much more and you are just selling so much more money, I guess.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
Hello, and welcome back to Advice Session, a series here on Anything Goes where you send in your current dilemmas or anything that you want advice on, and I give you my unprofessional advice. And today's topic is sex, which means if you're one of my family members, turn this off. And if you think you're a little bit too young to be listening to this episode, go ask your mommy.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
Or you have a collection that you guys have created, you know, to sort of, you know, again, remedy the imbalance. There's a lot of stuff you can do. And it's definitely something that you can get through. Okay, moving forward. Somebody said, how often should you be having sex with your long-term boyfriend? This is something that I have struggled with before being like, wait, is this normal?
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
Is this enough? In various extremes, I've asked myself, are we having too much sex? Is this unusual? I've asked myself, are we not having enough sex? Why have we not had sex in three weeks? I've, you know, questioned, why have we not had sex in a month? And why is that okay with me? You know, I've questioned that in a variety of ways in the past.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
And the conclusion I've come to is there is no specific answer. And every relationship varies, right? I will say, though, if you really do want to try to come up with some sort of number, I think your best option is to take an average of your and your partner's ideal frequency of sex. Okay, so let's say... you're talking about on a weekly basis, on average, right? Obviously there are exceptions.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
Sometimes you're just tired for a few weeks. Sometimes you're fighting for a few weeks, whatever. But like on average, how often would you and your partner like to have sex? Ask each other this question. Have this conversation, okay? Let's say your partner would like five days a week and you really only want to have sex like two days a week. Okay, well then your average is what? Three and a half?
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
So that means having sex like three and a half times a week, right? So that means like having full on sex, you know, three times a week. And then the half is like walking past your partner in the kitchen and like putting your finger up their butt a little bit. Or like, you know, you're about to fall asleep and maybe you just like grab a boob or something.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
Say like goodnight and like grab a little boob. That's the half. Okay. But again, you know, like even once you have that number in that average with your partner, it's, Sometimes you're going to have sex every day because both of you are in the mood. And sometimes you're going to have sex once a month because that's what you're in the mood for.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
There are so many variables that affect how often you have sex in a relationship that I think one of the worst things you can do is set some sort of expectation or like... be striving to hit some sort of quota. That's not how this works. Sex should be intuitive. You should have sex when you want to have sex.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
Obviously, it's complicated because there's two people, but it shouldn't be about hitting a quota. I really think it comes down to whether or not the amount feels good to you both. If it feels good to you both, if you feel like
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
yeah, we have sex a lot sometimes, not a lot sometimes, and we fall into a routine and have it pretty routinely a few times a week sometimes, and I'm really happy with that. It's kind of all over the place, but it feels good and it feels intuitive, then you have no issue, right? You don't need to be questioning if you're having sex too often or not enough. You're good.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
But if you're feeling like, I'm not happy with the frequency, like it feels off, it feels like it's too much, it feels like it's not enough, then you need to have conversations about it, right? And I think it's so important to be in a relationship where you feel comfortable to have these conversations.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
And I think you create that by, number one, not putting each other on a pedestal, but also having nonjudgmental conversations routinely, you know, ensuring that both partners are nonjudgmental. And routinely checking in on the uncomfortable stuff. The more you discuss it, the more comfortable it becomes. I sort of already said this, but I built on it a bit now.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
Anyway, I think it's very important to create a dynamic where these conversations are easy and comfortable. Or not maybe easy, but they're invited. You know what I mean? Okay, next, somebody said, I wanna have sex for the first time, but I can't decide if I'm ready or not. It feels like a big deal to me, but I don't wanna be dramatic. How do I know if I'm ready?
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
I think it's like 50-50 out there. Some people have sexual energy. Some people don't. It seems to be like 50-50. And I'm just somebody who, for whatever reason, doesn't have sexual energy for the most part. So I feel kind of silly when I talk about sex. However, despite what some of you may think, I do have sex. I do have sex. And I'm not necessarily the best at it.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
Let go of the expectation that you're ever going to feel 100% prepared and ready. We're never 100% prepared and ready for something that we've never done before. You know what I mean? Like the first time you skateboard, it's okay to be nervous because you've never done it before and you don't know what to do. If you've never done something before, you're not going to know what to expect.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
Like it's completely normal to be like, uh, I'm not ready. You know what I mean? You just never feel ready. What makes you feel ready for something is when you've done it before and you know exactly what to do. So this is a normal feeling. But let go of that expectation that you're ever going to feel 100% prepared because I doubt that you will.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
And I also think, too, that another reason why we never feel ready is because it is a huge decision. It's okay to take this really seriously. You know, you're saying that you... It feels like a big deal to you, but you don't want to be dramatic. No, it's okay to be dramatic. It is a big deal. And I feel like we live in a time now where we're told that it's not, that it doesn't matter.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
You know, have sex with whoever you want as much as you want. Who cares? It doesn't matter. It doesn't mean anything. It doesn't define you. All of these things in a lot of ways are true. But I do think that growing up, hearing this rhetoric is, you get this idea that if you take sex too seriously, it's because you're very reserved and you're very prude and this, this and that.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
And like, you know, this is a time where now like, you know, say virginity is not held as sacred. It just doesn't matter anymore. We live in more of a time of, I guess, sort of sexual liberation in a way. And I think, again, there's a lot of beauty to that. And I think that there's a lot of great that comes from that.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
sort of philosophy however i do think that it also can be a bit damaging to young people who are feeling like wait a minute this is a big deal to me wait a minute i don't want to just have sex with whoever i want like wait a minute i kind of think this is a big deal And I feel like that is one of the flaws with that sort of conversation that's happening in society and culture today. Okay.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
I don't know because I experienced that. Like I'm speaking directly from experience here. Growing up, I felt like everyone was celebrating having a lot of sex with a lot of different people, you know? Whereas when my parents were kids, for example, that was less the case, you know? It was more like...
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
being really selective and really careful was sort of what was, I guess, maybe cool back then in some ways. Definitely when my grandparents were kids. And I'm not saying either is good. I think both extremes sort of have negative impacts on young people's psyches, right? When society is too strict about sex,
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
A lot of guilt comes up, a lot of feeling of like, I'm impure because I did this or like I'm forever destroyed because I did this or I've ruined my body from doing this. And I think that that's completely unhealthy. But also when the rhetoric is like sex is just this, it's it can be this casual thing. It's so casual. It's so chill, right? It's chill. It's not that deep, y'all. It's so chill.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
That also is harmful because for some people that's true and for some people that's not, right? And so I don't know. I think it can make people feel weird, myself included, when they do take this stuff seriously. And so I guess the purpose of this long-winded rant is to tell you that it's okay to take it seriously. It is a big decision. It is something that you should really think about.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
Because you might be somebody who can have sex and it's no biggie and you don't care and it's chill, but chances are you're probably not, right? Sex is incredibly vulnerable. It's one of the most vulnerable things that you can do in life. And it's very normal to be deeply affected by the experience in either a positive or a negative way. And so now that, hopefully...
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
And I don't get on top very often because that's just a little bit too much for me, a little bit too stressful, a little bit too visual, can see too much of me, a little bit too exhausting, a little bit too... I don't really know what I'm doing up there. No one ever taught me. So I just don't really do it. But I have sex, okay? I've been having sex for like seven years or something, maybe six.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
you're allowing yourself to see this as a big decision, see this as something that should be critically thought about, how do you know if you're ready? Listen, as I said earlier, you're never gonna feel 100% ready, but I do think that there are a lot of signs that you are ready. Number one, you have someone to have sex with that makes you feel 100% comfortable and safe, who you can truly trust.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
I personally think that this is really important. You know, I've had friends who have lost their virginity to like a completely random person. I think that that is fine and that works for some people, but I wouldn't recommend it because, again, sex is a really vulnerable thing and it's even more vulnerable when it's your first time and you don't really know what you're doing.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
you ideally want to be with somebody who is going to take care of you, who is going to make you feel comfortable, who's going to teach you how it works, you know? So you want someone who you're familiar with, who perhaps you're even dating, to help make the situation less intimidating and more comfortable and also more enjoyable.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
The other thing too is, you know, when you have sex for the first time, especially if you're a girl, it can be painful. It can be uncomfortable. You might not be able to like, get right into it and you need somebody who's patient with you because it just might not be like this super hot, sexy experience the first time. Next, you need to make sure that you are the one making this choice.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
Nobody else is impacting your decision making. Not your significant other, not your crush, not your friends, not society. This decision should be made for you. And that's really important because there are going to be a lot of pressures around you, okay? People who want to have sex with you might be like, let's do it. Like, come on. You know, there might be pressure coming from there.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
There might be pressure coming from your friends. Maybe your friends have all had sex and you haven't. So now they're like, come on, like... you need to have sex too. Or perhaps the pressure could be coming from society. Again, there's sort of a norm of like, well, once you're at this age, you must have had sex by now, right? And maybe you're a little bit older than that.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
Maybe you're in your mid-20s when it starts to become a bit less common for people to be a virgin. If you still want to be a virgin, if you haven't found the right person yet, all good. You have the whole rest of your life to have sex. All good. You know what I mean? Do it on your own time. Do it when you want to do it.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
Make sure that you're doing it for you because that will ensure that you're as ready as you could possibly be. You're not ready if you're not making the decision for you and you end up doing it when you're not ready and then you end up feeling like, oh my God, I feel weird. I wasn't ready. I really wasn't ready. And last but not least, it sounds exciting to you. Yes, you're nervous.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
Yes, you're intimidated. Yes, it's a big deal. But more than anything, you're excited. You're like, okay, you know what? This is good. I really do want to do this. It's exciting. And exciting is like the main feeling that you're experiencing. It's a positive, exciting thing for the most part.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
There are always going to be fears and you're always going to be nervous, you know, but you're more excited than you are nervous. Okay, next. Somebody said, is it bad that I'm not a total freak in the bedroom? LOL, I feel like everyone I see loves having sex so much and my style is pretty mellow. It's hard not to be self-conscious or feel like I won't be enough for my partner. I totally get this.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
So I have enough experience. To be honest, if anyone needs sex advice though, it's me. Now I'm thinking about it, I'm like, wait, I could use some sex advice, if anything. But today I'm just gonna share with you what I know, all right? And as always, this advice should be taken with a grain of salt. For all you know, I actually could be a Barbie doll down there, just no vagina, okay?
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
I could not get this more. And I have spent so many years in relationships being like, oh my God, do I need to watch more porn and study and figure out how to be crazy and do a 360 helicopter spin? on a peanut, like, what do I need to learn? You know, what do I need to do? And I can't tell you how much this has tortured me. Okay. I totally get it because I'm the same way.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
Like, listen, not to like give you too much information, but like, I am the same way. I'm pretty mellow. I'm pretty chill. I'm not doing anything crazy. I'm also not, not into it though. It's not like I am bringing nothing to the table. I am aware that I bring things to the table, but I'm not a porn star. Listen, it'd be great if I was, but my style is very far from that.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
And I think in today's age, the age of porn, where porn is more extreme and more accessible than ever, there's more pressure than ever to be like a porn star. And that applies to men and women. You know, it applies to absolutely everyone. A lot of the sexual standards that I feel like we have in society today are based on porn.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
Even though we all know that porn is exaggerated and porn is an extreme subconsciously for whatever reason, we still sort of expect it from ourselves. We still sort of want to live up to that fantasy, you know, and it's incredibly harmful. It's incredibly harmful because it is extreme. It is unrealistic. It is often not enjoyable. it is often not fun. It's entertainment.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
And I feel like the influence that porn has has completely destroyed our idea of what sex is. Listen, there are some couples out there that might as well start filming porn because it's up to that level. And for some people, that's the vibe. But for majority of people, that is not the vibe. You know what I mean? It's just not. And it's completely fine. It's completely fine, okay?
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
Normal, mellow, average sex can still be really good sex. And I know everybody at home is like, who is really, you know, maybe sexually advanced is laughing at me like, yeah, Emma, that's what somebody says who's bad at sex. Shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up. There are a lot of people that just want to have normal sex, okay? And want to do it really well. That's great, okay? That is great.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
It's completely fine. And, you know, it's sort of like, I feel like we tend to forget that our sexual identity is a part of our identity as a whole, mainly because it's something that comes out
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
in very private settings for the most part and because it's something that not a lot of people see and it's also like a very different side of us that's almost like weirdly animalistic and like not even like You're almost in autopilot a lot of times when you're having sex. And so we tend to forget that it is a part of our identity.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
Just like smooth. You don't know anything for sure. So take advice with a grain of salt from me, all right? Anyway, let's begin. Actually, one more check. Are any of my family members listening? Let's fucking turn this off now because I don't want to talk about this at Thanksgiving.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
And what is one of the greatest pieces of advice anyone can give you about your identity? To own it, to be yourself. The same exact thing applies to sex. Be yourself. And if people don't like it, then they're not for you. You know, if you're dating somebody who maybe really loves to have freaky sex,
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
and they're not cool with you being a bit more chill, a bit more mellow, and you maybe not being down for their freaky stuff, then you're not compatible, and that's okay. I can guarantee that there's someone out there who also likes to have chill, mellow sex, and you both are gonna have incredible sex together, okay? And everything's gonna be okay. Sex is about a connection between two people
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
but it is also about having a good time, you know? And if you have a good time doing chill stuff, if you have a good time in missionary, stay there. You know, it's a classic for a reason. If you have fun having sex only in a bed, you don't want to have sex in the car. You don't want to have sex in the airplane bathroom. By the way, no one ever, like whoever really does that. I don't know.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
Mile high club. Does that even exist? Probably not. Probably, but must be rare. Anyway, if you don't want to go out of your comfort zone, you don't have to. It's okay to know what you like and to stick to it. Is it fun to be adventurous sometimes? Sure. Do I think it's a bad idea to try everything once? No. I have tried stuff before and been like, eh, I don't like that.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
I think if you're somebody who is a bit more mellow, perhaps... It's not a bad idea to try stuff every once in a while. But if you don't like it, you don't like it. And it's okay to be mellow. So I'm sick of people feeling bad and myself even. I'm sick of myself feeling bad about not being this like fucking circus performer, like doing contortionist backflips onto... the wiener.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
I'm sick of not knowing how to tie my partner up into a crazy knot or a rope and swinging them from the ceiling. I'm sick of feeling like, oh my God, should I be doing that? I don't know. I'm sick of feeling like, wow, I'm not really making that much noise in bed. I'm not moaning and screaming at the top of my lungs. Should I be? No, I shouldn't be because that's not who I am. That's not who I am.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
I did this like nude shoot on Instagram, I don't know, a little while ago for my best friend, Jared, my best friend and stylist, Jared's new clothing company. He came out with some bags. He was like, Emma, do you want to do this shoot? And it was super last minute. And I was like, fuck yeah, let's do it. And it was nude with the bags. Anyway, super cool. I had a lot of fun doing it. It was great.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
You know what I'm saying? Yeah, and that's not who you are either, and it's okay. Vanilla sex is okay. Spread the word. Spread the hashtag. Okay, moving on. Somebody said, how do I tell my partner if he isn't making me cum when we are intimate? I don't want to fake an orgasm because I will keep having to do that, but I don't want him to be really self-conscious. Girl, I have been here.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
Oh, have I been here before? Yeah, I have. I've been here before. I mean, it's hard for me to give advice on this without feeling like a hypocrite because I fully dated somebody once and for the entire relationship, they never once made me cum, okay? And I never faked it. I never once faked it. But we also never talked about it.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
And to this day, I don't know if they think I was... I don't know what happened. It's kind of wild to me. In retrospect, I'm like, Emma, what the fuck? Like, what? What are you doing, girl? What the heck? What a bummer. Like, that's a huge bummer. It was a catastrophe and it was completely miserable.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
And this, like, you can still have like decent sex and not come from it, you know, especially as a woman, right? Because it's a bit tougher. It's a bit more complex down there. It's also a bit more complex emotionally. I think it's a different, it's a different sort of situation. Yeah. And it requires a bit more communication, right?
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
Like in terms of heterosexual sex, I think for the man, it's a bit easier because it's just the act of sex itself makes the man come, right? Whereas that's not always the case for women. Women need often a bit more, you know? They need a different type of attention, perhaps, depending on the woman's anatomy. And I know I'm somebody that I've never in my life, TMI perhaps, TMI perhaps,
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
Should I say it? Should I say it? I'm scared. I'm gonna say it, I've never in my life had an orgasm from sex. I haven't, I just don't think it's my anatomy. Or maybe I just haven't figured it out. But, yeah, I require a bit, like we all require a different type of attention. So, you know, it doesn't necessarily mean that your sex with your partner is bad.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
It doesn't mean that your partner's bad at sex, necessarily. It might, it might mean that they're a bit inexperienced, they have no idea what they're doing. But it also might not. Right. I really am sad that, you know, it is so touchy and it is so insulting to tell, you know, your boyfriend, like, you're not making me come.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
Like there's it sucks that there's this sort of stigma around it, that it's insulting to the man if he can't do it, because I like to give the men the benefit of the doubt. OK. that either your anatomy is different than any anatomy that they've dealt with before, or that they just don't have enough experience and they don't know what to do. And it is a little bit complicated, right?
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
It is a bit more complicated. It sucks that it's so uncomfortable to have a conversation about it. And I've never been able to have a conversation about it. I've never been able to figure out a way to solve it. I went through an entire relationship and never fucking figured it out, you know? And so what would I do differently if I were to experience that again?
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
Well, number one, I would be stressed out. I would be stressed out because this is a stressful thing. Like I... It is very stressful. Even though I feel like I'm older and wiser now than I was when that happened to me and I was in that relationship, I still now putting myself back in my old shoes, I'm like, oh God, it's so uncomfortable.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
It was empowering. I was nude. But then the holidays came around. And I was just absolutely horrified because I knew that my entire family had seen my entire butt cheek exposed and I was just absolutely mortified. I can't even remember if they brought it up because I kind of like blacked it out of my memory.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
I honestly understand not wanting to just sit down and have a conversation about it. Listen, is that ideal in a lot of ways? Yes, because being able to just sit down and fucking be like, listen,
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
I need to teach you how to make me cum because it's a little complicated and like everybody's body is different and like the female anatomy varies and like I need to show you what I like, you know, and here's how it works and let's get on the same page. Is that ideal? Sure. But I do understand that it's a bit challenging, especially if you've been with your partner now for like,
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
multiple months, potentially even years. And you're like, how do I bring up now after we've had sex hundreds of times that I've never come? It's almost like every time you have sex and you don't come, it gets worse, right? It gets harder to bring up. It gets more awkward. It gets... more confrontational, the risk of it hurting your partner's feelings gets higher.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
And now that we've gotten that out of the way, let's talk about sex, people. Let's talk about it. Let's just dive into it. To be honest, I get a little bit uncomfortable when I talk about sex, not because it's a taboo topic, but because I don't think people perceive me as a sexual person. In fact, I've seen comments online that are like, I don't think Emma has sex.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
I really do think the best way, if I were to go back, okay, and do it all over again in that one particular relationship, I would have tried to have made it a hot thing during sex and been like, do a little more of that, buddy. Let's do a little bit more of that. Oh, when you just did that like that, more of that. I'm somebody who doesn't like to talk very much during sex. It's just not my thing.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
Every once in a while, I'm sparing. So, you know, it would be out of my own comfort zone. But it's better than fucking starting a full conversation being like, hey, buddy. Well, number one, never call your boyfriend buddy unless you want to absolutely destroy him mentally. It's just like, don't do that.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
But yeah, I mean, it's better than sitting down and having like a weird, awkward conversation about it where now, you know, they're like being faced with some really bad news and it's just awkward. I think it's better to be like, oh, yeah, do it more like that. Or the only challenge is if your partner isn't, like, say, in the case of a heterosexual relationship, giving you head, you know?
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
And sometimes if they're not going down there to do that, a lot of women, that's how we come, you know? That's how we get to have our moment, right? And some guys just don't really want to do it. Some guys just don't want to go down there. And they kind of have to if they want to make their girly pop come.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
Anyway, so to avoid that anxiety, if you are related to me, let's just go ahead and turn this episode off. All right, let's begin. Somebody said, how to work around having opposite sex drives in a relationship so that everyone feels satisfied. I have absolutely dealt with this before, both extremes.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
And so perhaps there's like during sex, you're like, maybe you ask or like in a hot way, like be like, hey, why don't you go down there? You know, it's it's tough. It is tough. Or you can even make it like into a full, like maybe experiment with some role play. Okay. And to pretend to be teachers and teach each other.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
Maybe you could even start by being like, hey, why don't you teach me how to give you head? Why don't you teach me? You know, and then, and then you can be like, now let me teach you. Do you see what I'm saying? It's like a total trick. It's a total trick, but you win because you get to teach your boyfriend how to figure it out down there. You see what I'm saying?
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
But my last suggestion is also try to figure out if there's a way that you can, I've heard this works for some women being on top. You can choose your own destiny in a way and you're a bit more in control. I've never found that to work for me. I really just don't like being It's okay, but it's not my favorite. And it also just doesn't, mainly because it doesn't, I don't enjoy it.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
My personal anatomy, it just has never worked that well for me for some reason. I don't know. Anyway, but supposedly that can be something that works. So maybe try that. Hasn't worked for me, but could work for you. But I think the best idea is to like pretend like you're like being like, why don't you teach me how to do this?
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
And then your boyfriend's going to be like, well, you're already really good and be like, no, I want to learn from you. And pretend to be a sexy student, not in a creepy way, but in a, you're teaching me how to do this. And then it could be hot for you guys. Maybe try that. Okay. That's all I have for today. That's it. I'm done talking now. That is all of the advice that I have.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
And you know what? Now you give me advice. Okay. Shoot me a little DM at anything goes at Emma Chamberlain on all social media and just give me some fucking sex advice. Now, what should I do to be more of a sex symbol in my life? Okay. It's weird. Even when I wear a risque outfit or something, I still don't feel like it's sexual. It's so weird. I don't know. It's so fascinating.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
They should study me scientifically. How can someone show tit but be so not sexual? I have to fart. See, I just farted. And that just adds to the non-sexual lore. Anyways, okay, enough, enough, enough. I'm done. That's all for today. Thank you all for listening and hanging out. If you enjoyed it, tune in Thursdays and Sundays. I'm here talking to you.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
You can stream anywhere you get podcasts or watch on Spotify and YouTube. Find Anything Goes on social media at Anything Goes. Find me on social media at Emma Chamberlain and find my coffee company at Chamberlain Coffee and find Chamberlain Coffee online at chamberlaincoffee.com and in store at Target, Sprouts, Whole Foods. And some other ones.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
I've dated people that have wanted to have more sex than me, and I've dated people who have wanted to have less sex than me. And both are definitely challenging and exhausting in their own unique ways. When you're dating somebody who wants to have sex more than you, you end up in a position sometimes where you feel like you're pretending, you know? You might have sex when you're not in the mood.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
Go on the store locator online to find out if we're in a store near you. That's all I have for today. I had a lot of fun, as always. And I truly love and appreciate you all. And I will be talking to you very, very, very soon. In a few days. Don't miss me too much, baby. I'll be back.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
This is why I like can't... Again, I don't have sexual energy because I'm like having sex and I'm like... Actually, I'm not saying anything. Maybe that's the problem. No, but if I were to say something, I'd be like, OMG, like, wait, like this is like silly. Like we're being silly right now. Oh my God, like... I feel like I have to fart a little. I'm holding it in. Stop. Wait, can I fart?
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
And then I would get up and stop the sex and get up and walk into the corner and fart because that's what I do once I get comfortable with my boyfriends is that I don't fart next to them and I refuse to let them... I don't want to fart near them because, of course, there's just... That's just where I draw the line. Although sometimes we can't control it, but...
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
I like to get up and go into the corner of the room and fart in the corner of the room and then leave it there and then walk back. If I was truly being myself during sex, I'd start doing that shit during sex. And this is the problem. Or I would be like, oh my God, like if I got like flipped over or something, I'd be like, oh my God, hi again. Like that's the vibe. It's a catastrophe.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
It's a catastrophe. Please give me, like send me help. Send help, send advice. Yeah, that's it. I'm done talking now. You probably know a little bit too much about me after this episode, but whatever. Okay. Talk to you later. Bye.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
And you kind of feel weird about it. It feels inauthentic. It feels ingenuine because you're not in the mood. It's not what you want to be doing. And you're kind of just doing it. And it doesn't feel deep. It doesn't feel exciting. It doesn't feel... True. Or, you know, you have to reject your partner on a frequent basis, which is kind of a bummer, right?
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
I mean, it's totally okay to do, of course. If you're not in the mood and you're not feeling it, you absolutely should reject your partner. But it doesn't feel good and it's kind of a bummer and it's not fun, you know? Nobody wants to reject their partner, right? But that's necessary sometimes. So that can be really challenging. On the other hand...
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
If you want to have more sex than your partner, that also is really upsetting because at times you might feel like sex is sort of empty between you and your partner. The reason being that maybe they just aren't as down as often. And so you're having sex with somebody who, you know, maybe 50% of the time like doesn't actually want to be having sex as well. which is a bad feeling.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
And then you're like, wait, why didn't they tell me? Wait, I feel bad. Wait, I feel weird. This feels weird. Or you might initiate and get rejected, which is a fucking shitty feeling. So it's complicated. And the likelihood that you and your partner are going to have perfectly aligned sex drives, it's rare. It's pretty rare. Although it does happen. I actually have had...
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
relationships where it was pretty balanced. Like both members wanted to have sex kind of the same amount with an occasional like
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
off day but for the most part you know it's the same and when that happens great but you know we can't always expect that and that isn't a priority for most people right like having exactly the same sex drive is not one of the key factors in a relationship I think sexual chemistry and sexual interests come way before sex drive right
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
But I do think that it's important to ask yourself how important that is to you. You know, if this is something that really bothers you, be honest with yourself about it and be honest about whether or not this is something that you can deal with because all of us are different, right?
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
Even though I think majority of us are okay with dealing with differing sex drives, some of us like that is really a deal breaker, I guess. So figure that out for yourself in the rare occasion that it is a deal breaker for you. Then that's a conversation that you need to have with your partner, potentially, you know, even end things with your partner.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
But I think for most people, it's a matter of communication. If you and your partner have opposite sex drives, you probably need to discuss sex a bit more than a couple who has, you know, a super synced sex drive. And that's because both of you need to constantly be making sure that your needs are being met and that nobody feels neglected or misunderstood or like...
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
they're feeling any sort of pressure to be having sex when they're not really in the mood. This type of imbalance just requires a bit more communication. And honestly, I think that this applies in every relationship. We are not going to be perfectly aligned, perfectly synced, perfectly balanced about every single thing in a relationship. There's always stuff that just doesn't quite line up.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
And I think a characteristic of a good, healthy relationship is when those imbalances are not a problem, right? Like it's cool. Like no, it's not a deal breaker for anyone. And you both figure out a way to communicate through it and keep tabs on it, right? So I think an extra level of communication is necessary, but that's uncomfortable because
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
Emma does not exude an ounce of sexual energy. I don't think she has sex. I think if we were to pull down her pants, we would find it was smooth like a Barbie doll down there. There's no vagina. She doesn't have sex. And this is something I've always sort of been self-conscious of ever since I was...
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
So the more you can have those types of conversations, the more that you can check in, the more comfortable you'll get with it. And in the beginning, it might feel uncomfortable, but I can promise it'll get easier. But I understand the fear because I've been in relationships where I've gone the entire relationship and we've never talked about sex like once.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
You know, it's like a topic that we avoided or whatever, for whatever reason, because it was too uncomfortable. And so I think the earlier on in the relationship, you can start talking about sex and the more often that you do it, the better, because then it just isn't scary anymore and it's comfortable and it's easy. And it's important, especially if you have opposite sex drives.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
But once you have that sort of figured out, I think there are a few more things that you could do, okay? Number one, when you do have sex, when both of you are feeling it at the same time, lean into it, okay? Don't fall into your routine. Like, I feel like a lot of couples get into sort of a routine, like...
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
At 30 seconds, like a finger goes in and then at like three minutes, okay, now my pants are off. And then at five minutes, okay, now we're doing this. And then we flip over. It's like when you're in a relationship, you end up getting into a routine with sex a lot of times. That has happened to me in every single relationship I've ever had. It's like at a certain point, you have a routine.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
And so they're actually a conscious effort has to be made to get out of that routine. And so I think if you have opposite sex drives, it's all the more reason to make sure not to fall into the routine. Like when you catch yourself about to like pop a fucking finger in somewhere or like Put a hand in the pant when you normally do. Be like, wait a minute, I'm gonna do something else.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
Like, I don't know, just like switch it up. And also drag it out. Don't rush anything, you know? Don't just like go through the motions. Like, drag it out. You know what I mean? Like, stop in between. Chill out for a sec. You know, like drag it out. Get out of your routine. Make the times that you do both want to have sex extra special, extra exciting. Really make a moment out of it, okay?
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
Have fun with it, you know, because this is something that's even more special for you two than for the average couple. Okay, next. If you're really feeling like, oh my God, we have been so out of whack. We have not had sex in like a month. Like we're just not aligning. Plan a night around sex. Okay. It sounds kind of cringe, but I actually do think that there can be some, some value in it.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
Like, let me give you an example. Okay. Plan like a date night. Okay. Like, okay, tonight we're going to order dinner and we're going to watch this movie and we're going to light a fucking candle. Maybe we're And if you want to wear like a cute little outfit, okay? I hate doing that because I feel cringe when I do it. And I feel constricted by it and I like really hate it. So I don't do that.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
But like if you want to buy a little cute little outfit and wear that maybe under your clothes, okay? Do that. You know, if you want to buy something from like a little sex store as like a little funny surprise, fun, funny surprise, okay? For some people, it's not a funny surprise, but if I were to do something like this, it would be because every guy I've ever dated would be like, what the fuck?
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
going through puberty as a middle schooler, I've been self-conscious about the fact that I exude less sexual energy than the average person. I've always sort of relied on my humor and my personality to get attention. And I'm not saying that in like a pick-me sort of way. Like, Sorry, I guess I'm just like deeper than the average.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
You went to a sex store? What are you doing? What? You bought a handcuff? Who cloned my girlfriend and pumped Viagra into her? What's happening? But whether you're a sexual person like that and you're into that or not... It could be fun regardless, whether it's funny or it's serious, you know, going and picking something up.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
Like there's little like sex games you can buy that are like not, you know, anything too extreme, like pretty tame. Or you could, if you are less tame, pick up something kind of crazy. I don't know. Pick up a little something props. But like make a night out of it, you know, make a night out of it.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
Make sort of a plan like tonight we're going to we're really going to we're really going to lean into this. We're really going to have sex and it's going to be fun and it's going to be sexy night. We're going to have a sexy night and it's going to be sexy and it's going to be nighttime and we're going to have a sexy night. Kind of fun.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
I think when both partners are feeling uninspired, it's not a horrible idea to just have a little sexy night. And last but not least, I do think if you're in a relationship where you have opposite sex drives, it is important, especially for the person who maybe has a higher sex drive, to be masturbating. And I know it's like, Emma, oh my God, this is so rated R. You're talking about masturbation.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
What? But, like, I don't know. I think some of us are like, I'm in a relationship. I shouldn't masturbate. Like, I should just be having sex with my partner, you know? But I actually think it's totally fine. And also, like, I've been in relationships where, like, we have, like, normal... good, balanced sex. But then sometimes I'm like, I'm bored.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
And like, you know, we might have sex later, but we might not. And I feel like I probably and I kind of feel like today is the day that today is a day that I need to. And so I'll just handle it on my own. You know, like, I think it's perfectly normal and healthy and not a red flag if you need to masturbate in your relationship and you need to take matters into your own hands sometimes.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
I actually think it's a really healthy... What's the alternative? Wanting to and then just not and holding back? I mean, I guess for some people, maybe that makes sense. But I don't really feel like that is necessary. That's kind of a bummer. Or cheating. Okay, that's not good. I don't know. I don't see anything wrong with it. I think it's just like...
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
it allows you to like regulate and balance everything in your relationship. Like if you like to have sex more than your partner and you make up for it in masturbation, like that's not cheating, you know, unless your partner thinks that like watching porn is cheating and you need to watch porn to masturbate, then that's kind of, I guess, a different topic. But...
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
Um, I actually think most people need porn to masturbate. I just don't, which is like a weird thing about me and I never watch it. And, and it's just this weird thing about me or it's not weird, but it's just like kind of unusual and maybe less common. But anywho, I just have a really strong imagination. Isn't that beautiful? Yeah. Like do it yourself. Okay.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
Or encourage your partner to do it themselves. Yeah. You know? And perhaps you could even figure out some sort of, like, cute sort of thing where, like, perhaps, you know, I personally hate nudes. Like, I don't want any nude of me to exist. I'm very frightened of that. Because, like, what if an iCloud gets hacked or something? I just don't even fuck around.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
Like, there's not one nude of me on my phone. And I'm not just saying that to, like...
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
fend off iCloud hackers I just genuinely do not have one nude photo of me on my phone and not or actually if I do it's like not a sexual one it's like me like in a fitting with my stylist Jared and like we're taking a picture of pants and like my boobs are out because I don't care and we like needed to take a photo of the pants do you know what I'm saying like that's the type of nude on my phone and
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
Sorry that I'm not like a sex symbol, but I'm like well-read and I like read books. I'm not well-read. I'm not that well-read. I've read a few classics, okay? But no more than the average person. I'm not well-read. I'm not saying this in some sort of pick-me sort of way. I'm saying that I just never had sexual energy, so I had to rely on other things. And I think many of us can relate to that.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
But, like, perhaps you could figure out, like, maybe you could take photos of something or, like, videos and then for your partner for when they, like, if they have a higher sex drive than you or if you have a higher sex drive, now you can, like, you know, you can masturbate with your partner virtually. You know what I'm saying? Because you have a little pic or a little vid. Yeah.