Emma Nissen

It's just like your brain cooks up the worst.

It's really bad.

And I, you know, this is probably stuff too that I know we'll continue to work on, but it's like I sometimes then couldn't tell, well, am I lying to myself?

Like, do I actually think that I'm pretty, but I'm making myself feel bad?

Am I manipulating myself?

And if people know, like...

There's just a lot of layers there.

But I was like, well, maybe I deserve to feel bad because then when I get better, I'll have felt the most worse that I could.

So then I'll feel the most on top.

It was so complicated.

Yeah.

And I didn't know how to explain that to anybody because I didn't want to just be like, oh, I'm just feeling down in the dumps and I hate myself.

Like, it's just like, whatever, get over it.

Everyone hates themselves.

Kind of.

Yeah, and when you want to reach out for help, it's just complicated there too because you don't want to feel sorry for yourself, but you don't know how much to ask for.

Anyway, what I know we're talking about here is how I got over it was...

It was like in the thick of the height of just me not loving myself for who I was.

And I didn't know how to fix it.

And I went to the gym one day, probably working out against the mirror so that I didn't have to look at myself.