Erika Jayne

Remember that movie with Demi Moore?

Yeah.

Ashley Savoni. She don't take no baloney.

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Kristen the Piston Anderson. Get a bee in your bonnet with Lacey B. Bringing the funk, it's Leslie Plunkett. She gets an A from us, it's Lindsay B. Let's give a kisserino to Lisa Lino. Fresh as a daisy, it's Maisie McHenry. We love her on the rocks, it's Melissa Cox. Megan Berg. You can't have a burger without the Berg.

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We're taking the gold with Brenda Silva. Don't get salty with Christine Pepper. Can't have a meal without the Emily sides.

The Incredible Edible Matthew Sisters. She eases our woes. It's Melissa St. Rose.

Put on a kettle for Rebecca Weddle.

She ain't no shrinking Violet Couture.

And everyone's like, oh, I can't believe Sutton would say that to Kyle.

How could you think that?

She's like, I'm the only one. Okay, the only water in the world that I get into, I don't even go in the Mediterranean, okay?

You guys are lame. I'm the only one out here.

What about me? What about me, Erika Jayne? Who feels more pain than Erika Jayne?

Well, her stick used to be, I don't give a fuck.

It's like, I don't give a fuck. That was her thing.

Five years.

I ain't doing no bush.

Like, oh my God, look how glamorous it all came together. I'd like to thank me for being so true to myself. Thank me.

She goes, it is gorgeous. Not to tell you something, last night I sat on this couch and I just took it all in. Some dick, that is. I took in a lot of dick on the new sofa. Broke it right in.

She's like, I just sat here, right here in this couch, and I just took in the view.

So she says, I feel like a new woman. I feel like Anora. This is such a great new beginning, and it just feels like me. And I don't look at the furniture and have past memories. I look at it, and it's mine, mine. It's a little bit of razzle-dazzle, reference to Chicago, which I'm currently starring in. And it's a little bit of glamour. And the glamour is coming back to Erika Jayne.

I got an antique chair, a little antique table next to me, and the glamour is back. This house is so me, I tried to get earrings out of the jewelry box, and it wouldn't get them to me, little fucker. Now I no longer have to live like a pauper in my small tiny two million dollar house. Now I can live the life of a wealthy person. So Martin's like, well, you have lifted energy.

You feel lighter to me. She's like, yes, I am. I'm smiling. Wait, hold on one second. Let me try to do something that I've heard about. It's called empathy. Nope, still doesn't work. Well, you're not a miracle worker, Martin. What can I tell you?

Hi, it's the ashes from which the Phoenix sprang.

Listen, you can't have a phoenix without someone to set it on fire first.

Mom, meet Martin. This is my mother, Renee.

It's just my interior decorator, mother.

And she's like, let me give you the tool. First of all, turn around this way. Look, the best wall in the house. It's me. Well, it's also you now, which really diminished the swab. Mom, move over to the kitchen. The wall is good again.

Oh, my goodness, my mother has landed. I'm just so thrilled that I cannot thank you enough, Martin. Now get off our televisions.