Erin Holland

And, you know, we were just chatting before, but, you know, what a journey.

It was not easy.

To get here and I finally feel like now that we're over the halfway mark, it's never safe.

But is it appropriate to say that I am, I still am, today I am pregnant?

All of those adages that I think people who go through pregnancy loss and infertility really labour on.

Yeah, as I said, 20 rounds by the time you add in five egg collections, seven transfers, four miscarriages, one ectopic, one round of chemo to save a tube, two hysteroscopies, two DNCs.

countless council rounds as well and probably thousands of needles to be honest and I didn't want to think about another internal ultrasound for the rest of my life but yeah it's so surreal to say that and this is actually the first time I've pretty much cried actually probably because I'm actually saying it out loud to someone other than just our immediate family and my husband so thanks for allowing me to share that with Australia.

To be honest, it still kind of feels like I haven't gotten in the club yet.

I'm at the front of the line, but I haven't actually entered through yet.

And I think I know enough to know that nothing is promised in fertility.

And unfortunately, given the complications that I have as well, just with my own, still the way that my body physically is, the things that I've been fighting against in order to get to this point of pregnancy, I think until literally they come and I'm physically looking at them and it's a real tangible little bubble, I don't think it will

feel real but I'm as close as I've ever been by a long shot and that that's really exciting but it really is it's like a Pandora's box of you know parenthood and and you you're like oh do I try and open it and then when I finally got my head around opening it which was a struggle for me as well which I believe we spoke about even back in 2022 when I started trying to safeguard my future becoming a parent knowing I'd have issues by banking embryos to to now I

I'm trying to open the box.

I'm trying to pry it open with every plier and winch known to man.

And yeah, I think that sentiment still stands.

I'm still very much dissociated a little bit from it and protecting myself.

But

It's getting closer.

It's getting closer.

And yeah, to be this far along is really exciting.