Erinn Hayes

Finally, the truck came to a stop, and my captors dragged me out.

Spiky hair ripped the blindfold from my eyes, and the light was blinding, and all I could smell was mud.

"'March!'

she commanded.

And I did."

Later, when my eyes adjusted, I saw that we were trekking through a barren gorge.

Two grueling hours later, we reached the opening of a cave.

But by this point, I had had just about enough.

I was starving, sunburned, and wheezing from the repeated blows meted by Spikey.

And to be honest with you, I was also waffling over whether I had made the right decision.

You know, I realized that I needed a snack and a breather just to check in with myself and kind of see where I was at.

So I stopped and asked Spikey if she had a helpful treat, such as a Clif Bar in the carrot cake flavor.

She turned and looked at me like I was nuts.

I know, I said, it's not white chocolate macadamia nut, but you have to save those bullets for when you really need them, right?

Spikey grabbed me by the front of my fleece and flung me down into the mouth of the cave.

My head bounced off the hard-packed dirt floor.

As I lay there, spitting up dirt in a shard of a bloody tooth, she kicked me in the ribs hard.

And it was at that moment that I mentally disinvited her from my bridal shower.

Staggering into the cave, I squinted my eyes and struggled to make out the dark shapes that loomed before me.

Slowly, my vision began to focus.