Esther Perel

There are moments where you think, I can't take another minute of this.

And then the next minute you think, I can't take another day without it.

Trouble on the horizon.

You're fucked.

No, because, you know, conflict avoidance.

or only doing that which we both like, we only see the movies the two of us like, we only go to the bands the two of us like, we create sameness at all costs.

You know, at some point, it starts to feel like in order not to lose you, I ended up losing major chunks of me.

Every relationship, and you asked me before, you know, what are the things to look for?

And I will answer it a little differently.

I think that one of the most important tensions for all relationships, every dating story will have this, is how do I connect to you without losing me?

And how do I stay connected to me without losing you?

In every relationship, you will find that there is one person that is often more in touch with the fear of losing the other and one person more in touch with the fear of losing themselves.

one person more in touch with the fear of abandonment, and one person more in touch with the fear of suffocation.

And they often meet.

You can give me any list you want.

This is not what you look at when you are a couples therapist.

What drew you together has very little to do with we like the same band and we like hiking the same mountains and we both like skiing and outdoors and none of it.

Or we are foodies.

That is not what is really being played out in terms of the relationship dynamic.

So when you never fight, you are trying to basically smooth out