Esther Perel

I look at affairs from a dual perspective.

Hurt and betrayal on one side, growth and self-discovery on the other.

What it did to you and what it meant for me.

And so when a couple comes to me in the aftermath of an affair that has been revealed, I will often tell them this.

Today, in the West, most of us are going to have two or three relationships or marriages.

And some of us are going to do it with the same person.

Your first marriage is over.

Would you like to create a second one together?

Thank you.

In New York, you ask people how you are and they often tell you I'm behind.

In New York, you ask people how you are and they often tell you I'm behind.

What are you doing?

What are you doing?

In fact, if I go home and I start to talk too much about what I do, people don't like it. It's like you're not there to talk about yourself so much and put yourself in the center. You're there to participate in a collective experience in what we are creating together, the afternoon, the lunch, the walk. There's a clear distinction between talking about work and talking about life.

In fact, if I go home and I start to talk too much about what I do, people don't like it. It's like you're not there to talk about yourself so much and put yourself in the center. You're there to participate in a collective experience in what we are creating together, the afternoon, the lunch, the walk. There's a clear distinction between talking about work and talking about life.

And life is not work.

And life is not work.

Because it's often the first sentence that I ask when I meet a couple. Where should we begin? Where do I find you today? What's on your mind? Maybe it's what you wrote to me. Maybe it's completely different. But where should we begin? Because every relationship is a story. Relationships are stories. We are both storytellers in some way. But, you know, we're sitting here in the studio.

Because it's often the first sentence that I ask when I meet a couple. Where should we begin? Where do I find you today? What's on your mind? Maybe it's what you wrote to me. Maybe it's completely different. But where should we begin? Because every relationship is a story. Relationships are stories. We are both storytellers in some way. But, you know, we're sitting here in the studio.

The first years until the pandemic, we recorded every session in my office. So people came in like every patient would have come in, except that they come for the podcast. So they are not patients and never will be. They sit in the waiting room. And they walk into my office and it's the same office in which I see people throughout the day for my practice.