Esther Perel

So how much are you able to express that?

Sometimes you do it in writing.

Sometimes you do it by playing a game.

Sometimes there are lots of ways that people learn to become more at ease talking about the very topic that they spend their entire childhood learning not to talk about.

I mean, let's be facing that, too.

You take a subject on which that has constantly been hidden and suddenly you need to be able to be all eloquent about.

So that's not so easy.

It's difficult.

The way you do it, you know,

I wrote Mating in Captivity 20 years ago, all about what is desire in relationship?

How do we sustain it?

Then I did the desire bundle.

It's a whole course with these kinds of questions.

And one of the things I understood is one of the main shifts that we as women need to do is instead of saying, I don't enjoy it, is to say, I would enjoy it a lot more.

If I very much like when you do, and I would love it if you did more.

Go with what you ask for.

Women have always learned to say what they don't like when it comes to sex.

They have not been necessarily trained to actually speak about their wishes, their needs, their preferences, their likes.

Go to your partner, male, female, them, and say, you know, I like when, I would love if, it would please me a lot if you could do that.

That's a way to not have the other person the next time saying, oh, shit, I don't want to approach you because you've just told me that you really don't like, you know, and now I've lost my entire sense of confidence.