Esther Perel
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Appearances Over Time
Podcast Appearances
The wrinkles, the differences, the tensions, the autonomy.
Because this is how you negotiate separateness and togetherness.
This is probably the most important task of any relationship.
What should you be trying?
What am I looking for?
You're looking for someone with whom you can, and depends if you are capable too, to negotiate what is together and what is autonomous.
Where are we separate?
Your friends, your activities, your interests, your careers, your family, and what is ours?
What is the we and what is the me?
That's what happens in relationships.
You can have the most common tastes with your partner.
If these things don't work, that's where you will have trouble.
Are you the same with him as you were with others?
Because it's not static.
Yeah.
It changes from relationship to relationship.
It's not like I'm always in that position because my attachment style is always the same.
It changes.
It changes.