Esther Perel

Oh, it's just a matter of time.

At some point they will.

They will.

But here's the thing.

The research is very clear on this, Alex.

It's really not so much the conflict itself as the repair.

There are couples that are way more volatile.

They bicker more, they argue more, it's faster, it escalates.

It's really, can they make up?

And how do they make up?

And do they make up just by kind of smoothing it over?

Or do they make up and they actually are able to acknowledge what they contributed to the argument?

And the repair is more important than the actual conflict.

What matters the most is not compatibility in communication styles, but accountability.

It's the ability to say, I was threatened.

And I just lashed out on you.

I just said things that I wish I didn't say.

But when I'm scared or when I fight, I sometimes don't know where to stop.

I take full responsibility for this.

I realized that when I said that I was not paying attention to what you had said before, to your needs, to what you had asked from me, to how I let you down.