Esther Perel

I mean, yes, you can live the New York life, but you come because you have energy to do something. There's refugees of every sort in this place. So you start to meet the most amazing people. I have a lot of other things to tell you. I'm not always so positive. You know, the people who know me well are going to be very amazed to hear me make many positive statements.

But basically, at 25, they were living not that different from how they would live at 45. And at 45, they were already living like. And I thought they already know what the future is going to be like if they're healthy and all goes well. This is the kind of they're on a linear trajectory in New York or in the States. You have no idea.

But basically, at 25, they were living not that different from how they would live at 45. And at 45, they were already living like. And I thought they already know what the future is going to be like if they're healthy and all goes well. This is the kind of they're on a linear trajectory in New York or in the States. You have no idea.

You can start this way and suddenly, I mean, you know, this is kind of what happened to me. I think it's what happened to you. And I can't imagine that literally happening in the same way in Belgium.

You can start this way and suddenly, I mean, you know, this is kind of what happened to me. I think it's what happened to you. And I can't imagine that literally happening in the same way in Belgium.

That's right.

That's right.

Every, I mean, this is something I teach actually, you know, when I teach systems, I say every system, every relationship system being an individual or an organic system in nature, straddle stability and change. If you change too much, too fast, all the time, you dysregulate and you go chaotic. If you don't change, you fossilize and you die. So you need both.

Every, I mean, this is something I teach actually, you know, when I teach systems, I say every system, every relationship system being an individual or an organic system in nature, straddle stability and change. If you change too much, too fast, all the time, you dysregulate and you go chaotic. If you don't change, you fossilize and you die. So you need both.

I think in the U.S., you are often on the treadmill and you're moving very, very, very fast. One thing I never lost was the idea that I leave for the summer and I leave not for 10 days. I leave for six weeks and people always would say, I don't feel guilty. And I never understood why I should feel guilty. You take time off.

I think in the U.S., you are often on the treadmill and you're moving very, very, very fast. One thing I never lost was the idea that I leave for the summer and I leave not for 10 days. I leave for six weeks and people always would say, I don't feel guilty. And I never understood why I should feel guilty. You take time off.

And I maintained that notion of the breathing, the space in between, the time to do nothing except dream, reimagine your life, think what else you want to do. And that form of reset, I never stopped. And I traveled back home a few times a year. And that was the essence of, it's like you, you go there not to do necessarily, but to be, to enjoy the company. You don't have to prove anything.

And I maintained that notion of the breathing, the space in between, the time to do nothing except dream, reimagine your life, think what else you want to do. And that form of reset, I never stopped. And I traveled back home a few times a year. And that was the essence of, it's like you, you go there not to do necessarily, but to be, to enjoy the company. You don't have to prove anything.

You don't live to work. And that is still very much present. And I try to bring some of that back with me here. I try to, to have it as part of, of, of my life. And, um, It's a privilege, really, to be able to straddle both. Really. I didn't think about it like that. At first, when I was young, I would go home and I would think, oh, they all know where they belong. And I don't know where I belong.

You don't live to work. And that is still very much present. And I try to bring some of that back with me here. I try to, to have it as part of, of, of my life. And, um, It's a privilege, really, to be able to straddle both. Really. I didn't think about it like that. At first, when I was young, I would go home and I would think, oh, they all know where they belong. And I don't know where I belong.

Like they never, you know, in my mind, there were two groups of people, those who never left and those who left once. Once you've left once, you know that they're more than one place and you no longer have that sense of roots. So I would look at my friends who stayed and I would think they have such a clear sense of where they're going. Of course, it was linear, but I envied that piece of there.

Like they never, you know, in my mind, there were two groups of people, those who never left and those who left once. Once you've left once, you know that they're more than one place and you no longer have that sense of roots. So I would look at my friends who stayed and I would think they have such a clear sense of where they're going. Of course, it was linear, but I envied that piece of there.

And then, but after a week, I thought, oh, now I'm restless. Now I want to go back. I want to go back to my life. And I would get all busy. And so I... For a long time, I wanted to have the freedom of being in two places, but I wanted to still have the sense of rootedness and belonging that is part of belonging to one place.

And then, but after a week, I thought, oh, now I'm restless. Now I want to go back. I want to go back to my life. And I would get all busy. And so I... For a long time, I wanted to have the freedom of being in two places, but I wanted to still have the sense of rootedness and belonging that is part of belonging to one place.

And over time, decades maybe, I slowly began to actually appreciate that I was part of many places, even if I didn't necessarily belong to all these places. You know that distinction?